Chapter 25 How to stop making up stories to anger yourself

For the emotions caused by assumptions, we know that they are stories we made up, assumptions, which may sometimes be facts and sometimes may not be facts.We want to manage these emotions, not not make assumptions.Without making assumptions, people may not be able to innovate and reason, and they may not be able to analyze things well. There are two ways to manage these emotions, which can be used in combination depending on the type and importance of what is happening. One way is: doing nothing. The so-called inaction is to know that one cannot understand the truth for the time being, and the truth can be presented with the passage of time, and the relationship between knowing the truth is not particularly important, or not knowing the truth will not cause too much harm The consequence, at this point, is choosing to do nothing.

To put it simply, it is to know that every thought you have about what is happening in front of you is a hypothesis, not a fact, so you simply stop making any assumptions and wait for things to naturally reveal the truth. In the previous example, when you were waiting for a friend at a coffee shop and he was late, how would you manage your emotions by: If he doesn't come, it won't bring you too much bad consequences, and you don't have any important things to do afterwards, why don't you just sit there, read a magazine, drink coffee, and stop making any assumptions, because you know , all the possibilities you think are not necessarily the facts, you don't need to use all kinds of assumptions to arouse your own emotions, and then torture yourself, you can enjoy this afternoon calmly.

In this way, your emotions will calm down immediately, and you will enjoy this time very much, and your mood will not be affected by his lateness. When he arrives, or when he takes the initiative to contact you, you will naturally know what happened the truth. In this way, you have completed an effective emotional management using the "inaction" method. Usually, when the other party is late, there is a reason for the incident. When you know the reason, you may not feel angry.Even if the other party’s reason for being late is really disrespect for you, it’s not too late to get angry when you know the truth. In this way, there may be eight or nine out of ten times the same situation, and you don’t actually need to be angry. (Even if the other person doesn't respect you, don't be angry, because you have to allow someone to dislike you.)

When I am usually waiting for someone, especially when someone has made an appointment with me for a consultation, I usually read a book while waiting. Take the method of "doing nothing" and wait quietly. Generally, the other party will arrive after a short time. Another method is: verification. When you have a hypothesis, this hypothesis makes you feel that things may be serious, you don’t have to do nothing, you can take another method of emotional management, follow the emotional prompts, to verify your hypothesis, and let the facts come out earlier. The truth emerges. But remember, until your hypothesis is not verified, you have to keep in mind that this is just your hypothesis, so that your mood will be much better.

In many cases, the truth may not be what you think it is, and when you discover that, that is, the truth is not what you assumed it was, your emotions just fade away. In this way, you can effectively avoid the additional emotions caused by the primitive and non-ideal prompting method of the subconscious, and those "messy" emotions will not happen to you, and you will not misunderstand others. This method can not only manage some of your emotions, but also reduce misunderstandings and misunderstandings between you and others, but please also remember that this method does not prevent you from making assumptions, but that the assumptions have not been verified. Before, you must be soberly aware that this is just a hypothesis, not a fact, and this alone can make many of your unnecessary emotions disappear.

These two methods of emotional management often need to be combined. When you cannot "verify", you can only do nothing, just like you are waiting for a friend in a cafe, and you call him to turn off the phone, and you cannot verify it in time. , At this time, it is the best choice to "do nothing" and enjoy the good time in the afternoon. Manage the emotions caused by assumptions well, and let yourself stop making up stories to anger yourself, you can make your emotions calmer, and you can have the mood to enjoy life and love better.