Chapter 23 Most people are fighting the "imaginary enemy"

In this example, the reason why you are getting more and more angry is because your subconscious mind thinks that he doesn't respect you. Your subconscious mind only sees one of the possibilities and firmly believes that this is the fact. It's just an assumption on your part, you don't know what the truth is, he didn't respect you and didn't come on purpose, or he forgot about the date, it's just one of many possibilities. This is one of the reasons why people often get emotional, which proves the primitiveness and irrationality of the subconscious method of using emotions to remind us. In fact, such reminders are unnecessary, at least not before the facts are clarified.

There may be many kinds of actual ones, and you don't know what they are. for example: His mobile phone was stolen on the road, the thief turned off the mobile phone, and your number and the address of the cafe are stored in his mobile phone, so he can't find the location, but he can't contact you. He came late because he had something to do, and it happened that the phone turned off automatically when it ran out of battery, so he couldn't contact you when he couldn't find the location. His mobile phone is broken in the morning. He needs to send the mobile phone for repair and let the maintenance personnel try to export the information in it, so that he can contact you or find the cafe.

Of course, there are many possibilities. Among the many possibilities, you only saw one kind, and you made an assumption, assuming that the possibility you thought of was the truth, then you will get emotional, and this emotion may be anger at this time, if you follow the guidance of anger, You might make the thought of wanting to teach this person a lesson, or you might fight back and disrespect him in the future because you think, you don’t respect me, why should I respect you? See, soon, under your assumption, he becomes your imaginary enemy. At this time, you may ignore other possibilities, and focus on the possibility that he does not respect you. The decision you made may not be correct. Many misunderstandings and misunderstandings in life basically arise in this way.

Such things are very common in our life. for example: A certain girl called her boyfriend, but he didn't answer, she was very angry, thinking that his boyfriend didn't care enough about her. A certain boy saw his girlfriend chatting and laughing with another man, and the relationship was very close, so he was very angry, thinking that the relationship between the two was unusual. When a woman was talking on the phone with her husband who was away on business at night, she was very angry when she heard a woman's voice next to her, thinking that her husband had a woman outside.

An employee was very nervous when he saw that the leader was always looking at his work station, thinking that the leader was monitoring his work... There can be countless such examples. In fact, many times, people don't know what the facts are, and they just rely on their own assumptions, firmly believe that the facts are like this, and emotions will follow. If it turns out that the facts are not what you thought, you will Finding that you are being deceived by your emotions, you just naturally made an irrational assumption. Of course, when people analyze things, they always make assumptions first, then verify the assumptions, and then get the truth of the things. The problem here is that people often think that their assumptions are facts without verifying their own assumptions, which will cause problems. Emotions, screw things up.

People will make assumptions, but often what kind of assumptions a person makes is related to his own psychological characteristics. Girls who put a lot of emphasis on whether their boyfriends care about them will easily assume that their boyfriends don't care about them when they don't answer the phone. A man who doesn't trust his girlfriend or has no confidence in himself will easily assume that his girlfriend likes another man when he sees his girlfriend with other men. A woman who doesn't trust her husband and doesn't have confidence in herself will easily assume that the woman's voice on her husband's phone is from her husband's lover.

Employees who are not confident in themselves and especially care about their leaders' opinions will easily assume that their leaders are always watching them. The same fact happens in the lives of different people, people make different assumptions, this is because everyone has different psychological characteristics, and different feelings and ideas about things. Many psychological tests are carried out using this principle, such as the inkblot test, in which a pool of random inkblots is placed in front of the subjects, but different people see different things. Some people see butterflies, some people see bats, some people see human internal organs, some people see devils, in fact, it is nothing, just a ball of ink, which has no meaning in itself, people see Because people's assumptions are often related to their own psychological characteristics, psychologists can understand the person's psychological characteristics through the subject's assumptions.

Rorschach inkblot test As long as these emotions caused by assumptions have not been verified and do not know what the facts are, they are primitive, irrational, and may be redundant and unnecessary. The more objective a person is, the more he can get rid of such assumptions. The more subjective a person is, the more such assumptions may be made, and the more emotions aroused by assumptions. As the saying goes: "There are no worries in this world. , mediocrity." Those who are prone to generate a lot of emotions due to assumptions probably belong to the "mediocre" mentioned here.

Most of the emotions of most people are generated in this way, and they are all caused by their own assumptions. The so-called enemies in their hearts are just "imaginary enemies" that they have imagined. Seeing this, please think about it. Could this be the reason for the last time you got angry?