Chapter 18 If you can't manage your emotions, you can't save your marriage

In the years of doing emotional training and consulting, I can't remember how many times I have encountered such a situation: A married woman came to my consulting room through someone's introduction and begged me to help her because her marriage was in crisis and her husband had a "little three". After listening to her introduction, I usually ask her a question: "Does your husband know that you know he has a 'little three'?" She would say: "Of course I know, I have quarreled with him several times because of this matter, and now he doesn't want to enter the house anymore, and spends all day with that woman."

I will also ask her a question: "Apart from your husband, who else knows that you know?" "I know, my parents, his parents, the leaders and colleagues of their unit, and the 'little three'. I called her and scolded her." I will continue to ask: "What do you want now that this is the case?" "Of course I hope to save my marriage and let my husband leave her!" I finally asked her: "So, do you think the probability of him coming back to you after you've made a fuss has increased or decreased?" "Maybe it has been lowered... What do you think? I can't make trouble, I can't stand it!"

Usually at this time, my heart will be very heavy, and I feel sorry for another marriage in crisis, and feel sorry for her!She has almost wasted her chance to defeat the "little three", just because she failed to manage her emotions well. We are here to introduce the method of emotional management, so I will not spend space to criticize men and "little three", let's see how we can help more women whose husbands have "little three" to manage their emotions well, Defeat the "little three" and let her husband return. We all know that men are very concerned about face. Once a woman knows that her husband has a "little three", it is best to manage her emotions (only when emotions are managed can people make rational choices), and do not expand the knowledge of this matter. The range of people, let alone go to the unit to make trouble.

Because the more people know, the more difficult it is for a man to face. When his face is swept away, it may also cut off your last family relationship. It is more likely that in order to continue to have face in society and in the work unit, and also to be able to With the support of many relatives and friends, he will tell everyone how you are not empathetic and unreasonable, and your behavior everywhere is the best evidence of his remarks. As a result, after you are done, public opinion may sympathize with him.It was reasonable and reasonable for him to leave. Even after you are done making trouble, he is under various pressures, leaves the "little three" and returns to the family, you may have consumed the last relationship, and the man who comes back may be a man who has closed himself emotionally. It is also difficult to walk.

Therefore, when a woman knows that her husband has a "little three", the wisest way is not to make trouble, it is best not to let her husband know that you know, and then think about what problems have arisen between you. Men have "little thirds". Many times, there are problems between husband and wife. At this time, it is best for women to seek help from marriage experts. With the help of experts, they can first ease their emotions, and then quickly find out the relationship between husband and wife. What went wrong.Make adjustments, and the probability of her husband coming back will definitely be higher.

In the cases of affairs I have counseled, some are because of problems in the sexual life of the two, and the other party seeks to make up for it outside, and some are because the other party is not recognized at home and psychological needs cannot be met, so they go home Seek satisfaction outside. Although we can condemn the party who has an affair for not using morality to restrain himself, this is of no real help to women who currently meet their husbands with "little threes". When a person has an affair, from a moral point of view, it means that he has not restrained himself, but from a psychological point of view, it means that his needs have not been met. This is a different perspective. As a woman, when her husband has When you are a "little three", if you want to recover, don't rush to make moral condemnation, it is best to think about what adjustments you can make to make this family more warm.

There is another problem. The husband and the "little three" are also a pair of "lover". They will also be like a husband and wife. They will have problems after staying together for a long time. When the two have problems, the wife makes the home more warm. , the probability of a man coming back is higher. Even if a woman wants to point out this matter to her husband, it is best to control the scope between the two of you. You can give your husband a period of time to make a choice between you and the "little three", and during this time, women still Live your own life well and let your husband feel that you can still live well without him. Usually, if you let a man choose between getting a wife or a "little three", the probability of the wife winning is still relatively high.

The ones who will lose to the "little three" are precisely those women who go around making troubles and drive their husbands out of the house. Totally lost in the war. It is difficult for a woman who cannot manage her emotions to overcome the "little three", and it is also difficult for a person who cannot manage her emotions to love others. They often have love in their hearts, but they hurt others because they need to vent their emotions, or because they are prone to emotions, they will It is difficult for such a person to obtain happiness when others give love but cannot receive it.

Being easily emotional is obviously not conducive to managing relationships. Therefore, we must constantly improve our ability to manage emotions, but it is not about controlling emotions. There is still a big difference between them. To control emotions is to suppress them in the heart when they have emotions, not to express them, and not to release them. After a long time, people will feel more uncomfortable in their hearts. They will either accumulate for a long time and hurt themselves, get sick physically, or have psychological problems, or accumulate. Unbearable to a certain extent, burst out.

Emotional management is to make yourself feel less emotional, the whole person is more peaceful, and more often in a peaceful state, so that people can feel more happiness and get along with others better.