Chapter 14 One talks about love, the other talks about reason, chicken and duck talk

If you want happiness in love and harmony in your family, both of you need to emphasize "love" and "feeling" frequently.One person is emphasizing "love", while the other is emphasizing "reason". The two people do not communicate on the same channel, which is the main reason for conflicts between lovers and the main reason for quarrels. Analyzing the content of the two quarrels, many quarrels are This is the reason. A netizen left me a message on my blog, telling me her troubles: On Valentine’s Day, I told my husband to buy me a bouquet of roses, but he didn’t buy them. I was very disappointed and angry. I felt that he didn’t care about me and didn’t love me. If he really loves me, Why not buy it for me?

My husband thinks it’s a waste of money. It’s not through this that he loves me or not. If you’re an old couple, don’t buy them all the time. Money should be spent where it should be spent. Don’t buy these useless things. My family is not short of money, and I feel that he doesn't love me. Look at the problems of these two people. The wife associates roses with "love", and looks at the issue of whether to buy roses from the perspective of "love". If her husband doesn't buy them, she thinks that her husband doesn't love him. But my husband looks at this issue from the perspective of "should", thinking that buying roses should not be done, it is a waste of money, love can be expressed in many ways, and not giving roses does not mean not loving.

One person communicates from the perspective of "love", which is a "pleasant thing", and another person communicates from the perspective of "should", which is a "right thing". They are not on the same channel at all, so how can there be better communication results? Woolen cloth? Let's look at another case: A student told me what happened between their husband and wife. His wife always hoped that he would hug her when she was sleeping at night, coaxing her to sleep like a mother coaxing a child. If he didn’t go to sleep, for example, he was watching TV Or surf the Internet, the wife can't fall asleep, calling him over and over again, until he goes to sleep with her in his arms.

He felt very bad, and felt that it was wrong for his wife to do this. He was not a child, and he had to be coaxed to sleep. If he didn't coax himself, he couldn't fall asleep. He didn't want to spoil her like this for a long time. Therefore, he often doesn't do this, and as a result, his wife feels that he doesn't love her, and is very wronged. The two often quarrel or even fight because of this matter. It was still the same problem. The wife of this student looked at this problem from the perspective of "love", thinking that if her husband didn't coax her to sleep, she just didn't care about herself and didn't love herself. noisy.

And this student, he is looking at this issue from the perspective of "should", thinking that it is wrong for his wife to do this, and he just doesn't want to do the wrong thing. Therefore, even if his wife wants to make trouble, he is not willing to coax her sleep. One wants to do "pleasant things", and the other thinks this is not correct. It is not communicating on the same channel at all. It is like a chicken talking to a duck. There is no way to communicate at all. How can there be good results? To really have a good communication effect, both parties must look at and communicate from the perspective of "love". In the two cases mentioned above, if the two husbands can look at the problem from the perspective of "love", the outcome will be It makes a big difference.

for example: In the case where the wife asks for roses, the husband can see that this is what the wife means to love her, and knows that "love" is sometimes more important than "reason" at home, so he may be willing to buy a large bouquet of roses for his wife . In the case where the wife wants her husband to coax her to sleep, the husband can understand that the wife is asking for "love" from him. This is the way the wife wants to "love", and he also understands that "happy" is sometimes more important than "correct" in love If the two of them are in the same channel, they may be willing to love their wife by coaxing her to sleep every day.