Chapter 11 "Expression" slowly "influences" the other party for the better

Of course, permission does not mean endlessly sacrificing one's own needs and compromising. The sister-in-law's desire for her husband to be closer to her is also her real need, and it is also a need that needs to be met. However, at this time, sister-in-law needs to have another ability to love, that is, "expression", and slowly "influence" them through "expression", but "influence" is based on "permission". There can be no positive "influence" without "permission". The student who is the sister-in-law wants her husband to be closer to her. What she did before was to accuse her husband. She told her husband that it was wrong for him to be so close to his sister, and he should be closer to herself. She denied her husband, as if he did that. It's wrong, it's right not to be so close to my sister, this is something my husband can't accept.

Because there is no right or wrong between a brother and a sister, it is just their unique relationship. Denying it will inevitably cause the husband to fight back. Therefore, the quarrel between the husband and wife happened. Her original intention was to hope that her husband would be with her Closer, the result is that the two people are more estranged. If the sister-in-law has the ability to "express feelings", the situation may be different. The sister-in-law can often say to her husband: "I am a little disappointed and wronged when I see you serving food for my sister but not for me. When she picks up food, she can also pick it up for me."

"When you are chatting with my sister, sometimes I feel very lost sitting on the sidelines. When my sister is present, I hope you can chat with me more." In the past, she used accusations, saying that her husband and sister were wrong, but now she doesn't say they are wrong, but only her own feelings and needs, and her husband's feelings will be very different. Of course, to express love, the sister-in-law needs to be able to manage her emotions first, so that she can communicate with her husband calmly instead of quarreling. In this way, the husband may feel the inner feelings of his wife at once, and next time he brings food to his sister, he may think that there is a wife next to him, and when his sister and wife are present at the same time, he may also pay more attention to his wife .

But if the wife has not "expressed love" to her husband, the husband may not know his wife's inner feelings. This also avoids quarrels caused by blaming the husband, and the relationship between the two will not be destroyed. Therefore, when we want the other party to meet our needs, what we need is expressing love rather than accusations. When this sister-in-law has the ability to love, although the relationship between her husband and sister is still so close, she can "allow" them to be intimate, and have the ability to "empathize" to understand the hearts of her husband and his sister, and also If you can "manage your emotions" well and then "express your feelings", you can gradually "influence" your husband to understand yourself, gradually improve their relationship between husband and wife, and they can live happily together.

Everyone wants to live a happy life, but a happy life is not given by others. A happy life is often created by yourself. It comes from your ability to love enough in your heart. The external world is just your inner projection And as a result of creation, happiness is first in your heart. Just like successful people first have a successful heart, and then slowly show it outside, happy people first get happy inside, and then slowly show it in your life. Therefore, when you have the ability to love, even if you encounter some problems when living with the other person, even if the other person has some shortcomings, you have the ability to face and solve the problems together with the other person, and you have the ability to allow the other person to have some shortcomings , Slowly influence the other person to make him better, no matter who you live with, you may be happy, instead of having to find the other half split by Apollo in the myth to be happy.