Chapter 10 "Allow" to easily solve the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

For example, my student faced the situation that her husband and sister were too close. If she could improve her ability to "permit", she would be able to easily obtain happiness immediately. Brother and sister have always been a very close pair of brothers and sisters since they were young. There is no standard for how much intimacy and distance should be maintained when they grow up. As long as they do not do "excessive" things, it is allowed morally and legally of. This brother and sister have such closeness, which is the pattern they have developed since they were young. It is caused by their experiences together since they were young, and maybe it is caused by the suffering they have experienced together.

This is also their unique family model, which is determined by their original family, just like some brothers and sisters who are more distant, it is a unique relationship. If the sister-in-law can allow them to stay close like this, and have the ability to empathize to understand the hearts of her husband and sister, the unique intimate relationship between the brother and sister will not become an obstacle in the heart of the sister-in-law. Many times, some problems in the family are unavoidable, just like birth, old age, sickness and death in the world, it is a natural law. If the heart does not allow it, it will be yourself who suffers.

for example: In individual families in China, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a problem that is difficult to deal with, and it is also an eternal problem. The scene of the battle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often put on the screen. He should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize." It is conceivable how difficult the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to solve. Why is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law so difficult to deal with? Daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are not related by blood and have no deep feelings. Some are just moral constraints that should be obeyed because of the docking of marriage relationship and parent-child relationship, and there are conflicts caused by competing for the love from the same man. Therefore, it is normal for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to have a bad relationship.

In other words, the problem of poor relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not the key, but the man in the middle: the husband of the daughter-in-law, the son of the mother-in-law. If the problem exists, then the problem of bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really a problem. If a man does not allow this kind of situation to exist, when facing his daughter-in-law, he may blame her for not respecting her mother enough, or ask her to love the house and his family, but she clearly doesn’t like it in her heart. Love, insisting on asking her to treat each other with a good face, this is different from her true feelings in her heart, she will be very wronged and painful.

When facing their mothers, some men may even blame their mothers, thinking that at such an old age, she should let the younger generation go, and the current daughter-in-law was spoiled and raised when she was a girl, so she should let her go.In this way, his mother may scold him for marrying a daughter-in-law and forgetting his mother. Look, isn't it difficult for a man to be caught between his wife and mother?It doesn't work towards the daughter-in-law or towards the mother-in-law, and there is no one solution that has the best of both worlds. Even when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had conflicts, the man caught in the middle, he couldn't tell which one was more reasonable, the daughter-in-law or the mother?Which is more correct?The so-called "upright officials can hardly decide on family affairs", sometimes it is difficult to distinguish right from wrong in family affairs.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very difficult. If the man caught in the middle can allow them to have a bad relationship, as long as they have a good relationship with him and love him, it will be fine. If they don't like each other and do not affect their independent lives, it is a "permission" , making the problem very different.Although it doesn't solve the problem, it will make the family more harmonious. It should be noted that this is not a negative psychology, nor is it as simple as the spirit of Ah Q. It is acceptance, "permission", the realm of the heart, wisdom, and the ability to love.

That's it, there is no perfect thing in the world, nine times out of ten things in the world are not as you like, and when some things are not what we want, if we can allow and accept them, it won't affect us. In the same way, this sister-in-law will be unhappy because of the good relationship between her husband and sister, because she does not allow or accept it.Allowed, accepted, she will feel happy.