Chapter 4 With the ability to love, there is no need for divorce

I have two students, they are a young couple who have only been married for about two years, but the relationship between the two of them has reached the point of incompatibility before they came to the class. They also entered into marriage after a process of careful selection, serious understanding, and love. Everyone felt that they were a good match. They didn’t find anything inappropriate before they got married, but marriage and love are indeed different. After living together for a period of time, there are problems just appeared. The husband thinks that his wife loves making money too much, and spends a lot of energy on investment and financial management. He thinks that the salary of the two is not low, and the money is enough to spend. There is no need to spend all the money on investment and financial management, or on making money. Put too much thought into it.

The wife feels that her husband is too kind to the brothers and sisters in her hometown, and the relationship is too close. After marriage, there is no difference from before marriage. She always feels that she cannot fit into this family, and everyone is not like a family. Coupled with the differences on other matters, both felt wronged by the other and did not understand themselves. But the same thing is that both of them are not good at communication, and they don't easily express their dissatisfaction with each other in their hearts. As a result, they only explode when the resentment has accumulated and it is unbearable. Therefore, every time they quarrel , It's all a war, and sometimes when the quarrel becomes intense, the two will even fight.

These days are very painful for both of them. After ideological struggles again and again, they decided to divorce. The couple's marriage, like mine and many other people's marriages, encountered problems within two years of marriage, and it was so painful that they thought of divorce.I had children at the time, so although I thought about divorce many times, I never took action, and they didn't have this concern.So, they went to the Civil Affairs Bureau. They came to the divorce registration office of the Civil Affairs Bureau, got the divorce registration form, and when they were about to hand it in after filling it out, an older couple lined up in front of them to apply for a divorce. While waiting, they hesitated. The two decided to come back and think about it carefully, and give each other one last chance.

During the consideration period, they came to my classroom one after another through the introduction of their friends. When they came to the classroom, they were very depressed. The wife basically cried when she talked, and the husband had a dark face and almost never smiled. I can feel it. , Their hearts are extremely depressed and painful. In class, through listening to lectures and doing exercises, my husband understands that people have psychological needs. My wife’s frequent investment and financial management is not because she is naturally greedy and loves money, but because of her insecurity about future life. With enough security for the future, maybe she won't be too keen on making too much money.

At this point, my wife just needs his support. When the relationship between the two is good and they have enough financial ability, when she is full of confidence in the future, she may not like making money as much as she does now, but may be more Like to take care of children and enjoy life. It's not that the wife is wrong, but that the husband doesn't know how to love, and doesn't understand and support the psychological needs behind her behavior. And the wife also understands that her husband has a good relationship with his brothers and sisters at home, which is a common characteristic of many people from rural families. Because they have suffered together and supported each other when they were children, their relationship is stronger than that of children who grew up in ordinary cities. More closely, this is determined by the environment in which he grew up. My husband has a good relationship with his family, and he will not stop loving her because of this.

She needs to understand and respect this characteristic of her husband's family, and take the initiative to integrate into this family instead of complaining that they don't accept her. From this point of view, she is also someone who won't love. During the course, the two had a lot of feelings. They discovered that there is still so much knowledge about the management of marriage, and that love requires ability. I never knew it before, and some of the views I insisted on are not necessarily correct. I had always mistakenly thought it was the other party's problem, but now I realized that it was my lack of ability to love.

After leaving the classroom, the two worked hard to do the homework left in the class, looking for what they could do better, constantly adjusting themselves, cultivating their ability to love, and turning their original dissatisfaction and accusations towards each other into their own. Reflection and improvement have made a lot of progress.After a few months, the two decided not to divorce. In a love relationship, when two people criticize each other's shortcomings and focus on how bad each other is, there is only resentment or even hatred in their hearts.After having resentment, you either complain and blame each other, or bear it, and when you really can't bear it, you think of breaking up.

But once a person starts to look inward, he will find that the problem is not only the other party's, but also his own faults.When you start to reflect on yourself and adjust yourself, the other person will see hope, make corresponding adjustments, and start to reflect on yourself, and then grow. cycle shift. Here, I will tell you a secret that makes love happy forever: Happiness does not belong to those who blame each other, but to those who are willing to find problems within themselves and continue to grow their ability to love.Divorce is not the best solution for all couples who have problems.To grow your ability to love and constantly improve yourself, divorce is sometimes unnecessary.