Chapter 3 Chapter 1 Possess the ability to love and be happy with anyone who marries

In order to find my own happy love, after taking that course for a while, I often reflect on myself. Once, I found a small pattern between me and my wife: My wife often forgets things, such as forgetting to turn off the water, forgetting to turn off the fire, forgetting to close the door, and sometimes forgetting to bring her mobile phone and keys when she goes out, and even forgetting her wallet on the stall when shopping. After passing by, she put it down and rarely returned it, so she often couldn't find things. But I am a person who seldom forgets things, and I think it is wrong to forget things, so I don’t allow her to forget. Whenever she forgets things, I will blame her and criticize her.After I criticized and blamed her, her mood became worse and worse, and the number of forgetting things did not decrease, but became more frequent.The relationship between us is getting worse and worse. We often quarrel because of trivial things like forgetting things.

In the matter of her forgetting things, my accusations and criticisms did not have any good effect, but had a counterproductive effect, which made her more anxious. I decided to start from here and try to make some changes to see the effect. In the days that followed, when I found out that she had forgotten something again, I stopped accusing and criticizing, but pretended not to know.Sometimes I saw that she didn't take the mobile phone next to the TV away when she went out, and I didn't speak, just like that, when she found out that she didn't bring the mobile phone, she hurried back from the outside to pick up the mobile phone, and all this I saw it, but I deliberately pretended to be ignorant.

I remember one time, one day in winter, she forgot to bring her key with her at work, and when she got home from get off work and opened the door, she found that she hadn’t brought her key with her, so she called me and asked me when I would arrive home, and I told her that she needed another When I was a child, she was frozen at the door for more than an hour, and she didn't enter the house until I got home. The winter in Beijing is very cold, and that time she was freezing cold all over her body. After I adopted this method for about two months, I discovered a strange thing, the number of times she forgot things became less and less.I blamed and criticized her for many years, but she did not improve her forgetting characteristics. When I stopped criticizing and criticizing, it took only two months, and the number of times she forgot things decreased.

At the same time, since I no longer blamed and complained to her, her mood became more stable, and the number of our quarrels was greatly reduced, and some happy sunshine began to shine in the dark clouds of life. It really surprised me, the reason I spent so long trying to find her, hoping to change her, and our relationship went from bad to worse.I started to change my own pattern of blame and criticism, and when I stopped changing her, things got better between us. I always thought that her marriage was not happy because of her. Before, I only paid attention to what was wrong with her. The facts have been placed in front of me. I finally understand that I am a person who does not know how to love, and I do not know how to grow for her. I can't allow her to have shortcomings. I only know how to criticize and accuse her, but I don't find my own problems.

I blamed myself and was a little excited. I realized that I might have found a path to happiness, which was to improve myself inwardly and improve my ability to love instead of changing the other person. No one is perfect. In a love relationship, you must first allow the other person to be less than perfect, and then slowly affect the other person. When you become better, the other person will see your changes, cherish you more, and will be more eager to maintain He will also make efforts in this relationship. At the same time, when you stop being picky, you also give the other party a space to grow, the relationship between the two will become better, and he will also grow slowly in this space and become more and more complete.

Happiness is not obtained by changing the other person, but by allowing the other person to be imperfect and grow yourself; happiness is not elsewhere, it is in your heart, look inward, and you will find it. The value of love, in addition to being romantic and beautiful, also has a more precious function, that is, in a relationship of love, you have a chance to grow up, and all the personality defects that you did not grow well in childhood, in In love, you can get another chance to grow.Only in a relationship of love can you get such an opportunity. The more you look inward, the more you can grow, and the more you grow, the more you can enjoy the beauty of love.