Chapter 2 Prologue 2

I have known Mr. F for some time. Initially he came looking for help with a workplace problem.Later, as the career-level discussions seemed to grind to an impasse, his confusion was stronger than ever. Later we moved into discussions about his life, family and relationship issues. When Mr. F talked about his family, he always praised his father with affection. Although his family was poor, his father was passionate about life and his wife.There are many children in the family. Thanks to the father's high-spirited and continuous dedication, he did his best to provide the family with food and clothing. Mr. F is the last of six children in his family. He admits that he has received the most love and care from both his parents and siblings.Father and mother work in the same work unit, and most of their work is manual labor, which shows the hardships of life.But in Mr. F's memory, the family is always harmonious, and the family has never discussed things.In order to appease the frail mother, my father always helped her while she was cooking, and even fanned her when it was hot.Such a warm scene often made him cry when he narrated it.

With such a beautiful blueprint for marriage, one would have expected to hear similar comforting interactions and good couples in Mr. F's married life.But in fact, no matter whether it was the first time or the second time, the pattern of marriage was surprisingly similar to him that he could not agree with. He entered into marriage at the age of 25.When describing his first marriage, he uses mostly negative terms.He admitted frankly that when he was too young, he had many unrealistic ideas about marriage.After he got married, he found that his ex-wife had a very bad temper, which made the mild-mannered Mr. F very troubled.What made him most unacceptable was the attitude of his ex-wife towards his parents.When he finally moved from his hometown to work in a big agency in the provincial capital, the unit was divided into houses, and he happily brought his elderly parents to live with him. His wife cried all night, and the two quarreled regardless of the occasion. Soon the parents decided to go home.Later, the conflict between the two continued to escalate, quarrels became commonplace, married life became a kind of torture, and divorce became the only way out.

Although the process was very difficult, Mr. F was divorced. He entered his second marriage more than a year later. The second wife was the only child in the family. Soon after the marriage, the wife brought her parents-in-law to live with her. Mr. F has an easy-going personality, and he is at peace with the Yue family.In the third year of marriage, Mr. F got an opportunity to study abroad, and his wife also accompanied him as a student. In order to quickly accumulate wealth, his wife worked illegally for a year and suffered a lot.After their studies, and entering their fourth year of marriage, they had a son.After the child was born, all the wife's attention was turned to the child, and her temperament began to change a lot. Even between the wife and the father-in-law, suffocating violent quarrels often broke out.The young child was frightened and cried loudly, "This kind of life is becoming more and more unbearable for me."

Mr. F, who was depressed, gradually developed the habit of venting his depression on the virtual network. Last year, because he applied to participate in the project construction of the higher authority, he went to work in a different place and developed an extramarital affair.In this period, which Mr. F called "the most devoted love experience", although the two parties had a good emotional communication, Mr. F felt a lot of inner torment from the responsibility to the family, and finally the two ended up sadly separated. Such an emotional marriage experience made Mr. F very confused.At this point, Mr. F realized that his problem was not limited to the workplace as he had initially judged.

Mr. F is a very talented and thoughtful consultant. As the consultation progressed, he began to be more defensive at the beginning and began to explore his inner world with me.Slowly, we trace the profound impact of his childhood experiences on him. As the last of six sons, his brother and sister are much older than him.When he was still young, his brothers and sisters had gone out to work or study one after another, leaving him and his parents at home.During holiday reunions, although the atmosphere at home is lively, Mr. F often feels like an outsider.Discussions between parents and siblings about current affairs, life, and emotional issues made him both envious and frustrated.What makes him feel particularly painful is that whenever this happens, the parents' attention is completely shifted to returning to the family. The intimacy that was at hand in the past is gone and taken away. His heart is full of fear of being abandoned and fear of being abandoned. pain.

Although the brothers and sisters take good care of him in life, they are just like their parents. No one really treats Mr. F as an equal. Everyone seems to "deal with him" and "treat him like a child." ", over time, the thoughts of "no one really needs me" and "no one really takes me seriously" took root in his young heart. After adulthood, Mr. F has developed a relatively closed-off interpersonal communication mode, not good at communicating deep thoughts, unwilling to share with others, and relatively exclusive, no matter in work, ordinary interpersonal communication or marriage relationship.

For men, he is wary, because the beautiful friendship may be "transferred at any time" like a father's favor, and be taken away by others at any time. For women, he believes that as long as there is a sexual relationship, the distance of interpersonal communication will be shortened unconditionally, because his parents were husband and wife back then, which prevented him from getting "all the love" of his father, and his brother was "taken away" by his sister-in-law Well, sisters were also "robbed" by brother-in-laws in this way.So he is addicted to the mutual gaze that can be easily obtained on the Internet, hoping that he can get each other's attachment just by revealing his secrets...

However, such a result can only turn repeated disappointments into a vicious circle of despair, and at the same time make him lost in the impetuousness of losing patience in communication. As a result, in the working relationship, he became a person who only focused on personal income, lacked a sense of team honor, and cared about everything. The relationship with colleagues became alienated; more and more communication with friends was limited to eating, drinking, and talking. Although he has repeatedly emphasized the strong love with his family, he has neglected him for a long time. He has not gone home to visit his eighty-year-old parents during the Spring Festival for four years; Faced with conflicts, the problems piled up to the point where he couldn’t do anything about it, and he no longer had any hope of repairing his marriage; with his lover, he was very sad because he looked around and looked around. Mr. F admitted that after repeated weighing, he was still unwilling to face the final settlement with his wife problematic situation.

... Perhaps, all this stems from the experience of growing up, which makes him lack the ability to love. Bi Jinyi