Chapter 21 self boundaries

I said that falling in love is usually just an illusion, but it can fool most of the world and drive people crazy. What is the reason for this? This is because the feeling of falling in love is very similar to real love. True love is a special experience of self-improvement, which is closely related to self-limitation.Intoxicated by the emotion of love, we feel our soul stretching infinitely toward the object of our love.We are eager to nourish each other, we want each other to grow.Being attracted to objects outside the boundaries of the self forces us to have an impulse to dedicate our passion and even our lives to the other party. Psychologists call this state of passion "cathexis".The object of our attention is precisely the person or thing we love.Devotion to an object outside the boundaries of our ego allows it to occupy our mind.For example, there is a man who loves gardening, he "loves" his garden, he derives immense satisfaction from the hobby, and gardening is everything to him.

In order to take good care of the garden, he refused to rest on weekend mornings, and got up very early to loosen the soil and fertilize the garden.He would even rather give up traveling and neglect his wife.He has devoted so much energy to the garden that he has quickly become an expert in this field: he knows the knowledge of soil, fertilizer, root system, grafting, and knows the past, present and future of the garden.He can tell the characteristics of each flower and plant, the topography of the garden, the advantages and disadvantages of the garden, and so on.Part of his personality, experience and wisdom are also integrated into the gardening business.His love and concern for gardening has greatly expanded his boundaries.

Long-term love for something makes us live in a state of concentration, and the boundaries of self begin to stretch.When it is extended to a certain extent, it will disappear, and our minds will mature, love will continue to be released, the difference between self and the world will become more and more blurred, and we will become one with the external world.With the complete end of falling in love, we experience ecstasy again and again, our true union with the object of our love.It may not be more violent than the passion of falling in love, but it is more stable and lasting, and it makes us more satisfied and comfortable.The "peak experience" that characterizes being in love is not the same thing as what psychologist Abraham Meslaw called a "plateau experience," a height that neither appears suddenly nor disappears all at once. , but you can stay on it for a long time without falling down easily.

Sex and love are not the same thing, but they can happen at the same time.Under certain circumstances, sex and the breakdown of ego boundaries are somehow related—— The latter is equally ecstatic.When the self-limitation collapses in an instant, we may become extremely forgetful. We may shout "I love you" or "God" in front of prostitutes. I can no longer cheer up, and I can't even talk about liking at least.Sometimes, the ecstasy of an emotional climax can only be felt when one is in a crowd and together with others to experience a certain happy moment. However, the ecstasy caused by the collapse of self-boundary can be enjoyed alone.In an instant, we forget who we are, and just feel that our soul is out of our body, traveling in the void.The feeling that we disappear into the universe, or become one with the universe, can only last for a short time, even for a short second.

The ecstasy of true love.The longer duration allows us to become one with the universe, a situation called "the union of humanity and divinity".In the eyes of mystics, the universe is originally a whole. The stars, planets, houses, trees, birds, and the self we usually talk about are not independent entities, but organic components of the universe.It is an illusion to think that the things in front of us are isolated entities. Hindus and Buddhists call this phenomenon "illusion".Like other mystics, they believed in the surrender of ego boundaries in order to recognize true reality.It is impossible to experience the harmony and unity of the universe by isolating yourself and feeling yourself as an individual in the universe.Thus, according to Hindus and Buddhists, young children, who have not yet developed ego boundaries, are more aware of their true state than adults.Some even believe that a true sense of unity can only be experienced by returning to childhood.This argument is very attractive to some young people who are unwilling to face pain and take responsibility.They may think, "I don't have to take on too much. I can ignore other people's demands. Just stay in the teenage years and refuse to be an adult, and you can enjoy the feeling of being holy." Unfortunately, they can't become saints because of this, On the contrary, they are more likely to suffer from schizophrenia.

Most mystics believe that having something or accomplishing some goal first qualifies you to "renounce" them.Babies may be closer to reality than their parents until they develop their boundaries, but without their care and attention, they cannot survive and express wisdom and insight appropriately.After the adult stage, they may reach the highest level and experience the extraordinary feeling.Some people believe that nirvana can also be achieved through physical "orgasm" or taking psychedelic drugs, but in fact, that state is by no means nirvana itself.To attain nirvana and eternal life, to attain divine enlightenment, we must experience what true love is, what it feels like, and work hard at it.

In this sense, the temporary disappearance of the "self-boundary" of love or sexual intercourse can make us commit to each other, and true love may arise from it.Because we thus get a taste of love in advance—that is, the mysterious feeling of love in fantasy, we are still intoxicated with that good feeling after the passion of love has passed.Being in love is not love in itself, falling in love is not love, but it is part of love's great and wonderful configuration.