Chapter 20 myth of romantic love

Falling in love creates the illusion that love is forever, a fact that fuels marriage and family.The origin of this illusion is mostly from fairy tale romantic love.The prince and princess enjoy the support and cheers of the world, happily enter the palace of marriage, and love each other for the rest of their lives.Romantic love myths lead us to believe that every young man in the world has his one and only love.The same is true of every young woman.They believe that this is destined by God, and they can't find a more suitable partner except each other, so once they meet, they will definitely fall in love.Since our meeting is a match made in heaven, we will always be able to meet each other's needs and live happily together forever.If there are frictions and conflicts with our partner, if the former passion slowly disappears, then it must be our original choice——we may have violated the will of God and missed the most suitable person for us.Here's the truth: We take the feeling of love at first love as love that lasts forever.This is an illusion, a misunderstanding, and we regret it so much that we will either suffer for the rest of our lives or part ways with each other.

Usually, myths contain life's simplest or greatest truths, but romantic love myths are an exception.In essence, they are a terrible lie.Countless people are intoxicated in the false atmosphere created by myths and just want to be slaves of love, but in the end they find that they are only living in the illusion of self-deception. Real life and romantic love are often far apart. There are many examples of this in my patients. Mrs. A obeys her husband out of guilt and even a sense of guilt.She said: "When I married him, I didn't really fall in love with him. I just pretended to love him. I felt sorry for him, so although he has many shortcomings, I think I should endure them. I have no right to complain. I owe him too much." Mr. B sighed and said, "I regretted that I didn't form a partner with Miss C, otherwise our marriage must be happy. It's a pity that I didn't fall in love with her with all my heart. I thought she wasn't the most suitable person for me." Mrs. D, who had been married for two years, suddenly became depressed for no reason. I have no regrets in my life, and my marriage is quite happy.” After several months of treatment, she had to face the reality: she and her husband had already said goodbye to their relationship and walked out of the passionate stage of falling in love.And for a long time, she thought that passion in love was everything. After two years of marriage, Mr. E developed severe migraines, which would occur every night.He didn't expect that there was something wrong with his psychology.He said: "My family life is normal. I love my wife the same as when I was newly married, and she behaves in every way I want." After a year, he finally admitted that his wife has many problems, not the original one at all. "Flawless" people. "She kept asking me for money, regardless of my meager monthly salary, which made me extremely annoying." When he finally got up the courage to fight his wife's extravagant nature, the migraine disappeared and healed. Both the F couple frankly admitted that they both got rid of the feeling when they were in love, but since then, they have been constantly looking for their "true love".They cheated and betrayed each other, and the normal married life soon turned into a mess.When the honeymoon ended, they did not emerge from the fog of romantic mythology.They refuse to face the reality and are still busy looking for the so-called love myth.They pin their hopes on a third party, instead of nourishing each other and enhancing their relationship, in the end they can only fight with each other.

Interestingly, such couples receive therapy, but they always echo each other and establish a "couple alliance".For example, in the process of couples group therapy, facing other members, they are unwilling to tell the truth, but instead excuse and defend each other's shortcomings.They try to give others the impression: "Our marriage is complete and harmonious, there are only temporary minor problems, and it will improve in a short time." Psychotherapists have to remind most of the couples participating in the treatment: they must let go of their psychological burdens, Dare to face reality.They should not support each other against their will and form a husband and wife alliance, but should objectively evaluate each other's problems.The psychiatrist must also communicate with them individually to avoid letting them sit together during treatment to excuse and justify each other.The doctor has to persuade them again and again: "John, let Mary speak for himself!" and "Mary, John can speak for himself, he can." They can treat their partner as an independent individual, be able to face each other's problems, find the crux of the problem thoroughly, and make their marriage and family mature.