Chapter 18 definition of love

Self-discipline is an important means for the evolution of the human mind. Next, I will discuss the driving force behind self-discipline——love. Love is an extremely mysterious phenomenon, it is difficult for us to give an exact definition, and it is also difficult to get in touch with its essence.The study of love is one of the most difficult topics in psychology.Although the true meaning of love can only be expressed in a few words, its value and significance make me willing to write more words for it. Of course, I also know that no matter how hard I try, it is difficult to make the discussion of love perfect.

So far, no one has given a truly satisfactory definition of "love", which just proves the mystery of love.There are many kinds of love: physical love, spiritual love, brotherly love, perfect love, imperfect love.Here, I would like to take the liberty to give a relatively complete definition of all forms of "love"—I know that such a definition cannot be perfect.My definition is: Love is a desire for self-improvement in order to promote the intellectual maturity of self and others. I must make a few remarks: First, the term "mental maturity" may conjure up images of love in a religious sense.Anyone who believes in science will definitely not take the religious definition of "love" seriously.But my definition does not come from some kind of religious thinking, but from clinical experience in psychotherapy, including years of self-reflection.In psychotherapy, the status of love is incomparable, but most patients are ambiguous about the nature of love.There was a young male patient who was timid and timid, with a reserved and introverted personality. He said to me: "My mother loves me too much! When I was in the third year of high school, she refused to let me go to school by school bus. I begged hard, and she let me take the school bus. She was afraid that I would be hurt outside, so she drove me every day, took me to school and picked me up, which added a lot of burden to her. She really loves Me!" In order to successfully complete the treatment, I had to make him realize that his mother's motivation may not have anything to do with love.The reason is: First of all, one of the most significant differences between love and not love lies in whether the goals of the parties' conscious thinking and subconscious thinking are consistent.If it is not consistent, it is not true love.

Second, love is a long-term and gradual process.Love is self-improvement, which means that the mind continues to mature.Love can help others to progress, and it can also make oneself more mature.In other words, our loving efforts not only mature the minds of others, but also benefit ourselves. Third, love in the true sense is not only loving yourself, but also loving others.Love can make self and others feel progress.People who don't love themselves can never love others.If parents lack self-discipline, it is impossible for their children to understand what self-improvement is.We promote the maturity of others' minds, and our own minds do not stand still.Our self-improvement for the sake of others is not opposed to self-discipline.We strengthen the power of our own growth in order to be a source of strength for others.We will eventually realize that loving ourselves and loving others are actually two tracks that go hand in hand. The two are getting closer and closer, and the boundaries are finally blurred or even completely eliminated.

Fourth, love is self-improvement and helping others to improve.It means continuing to strive beyond one's own boundaries.Love, not just words, but actions.When we love someone or something, we cannot sit back and enjoy it, but we must continue to work hard to help ourselves and others grow. In my definition of love, I use the word "will" to emphasize its place in the realm of emotion, far above ordinary physical or psychological "desires." "Desire" may not necessarily be transformed into action, but "will" can become a strong desire that leads to actual action.The difference between the two is similar to the difference between saying "I would like to go swimming tonight" and "I will go swimming tonight".Everyone has the desire to love others, but many people only stay in their thoughts and words.The desire to love is not equal to the action of love. True love is an action, an action based on the soul.When you think you love someone but don't practice it, you have never loved.At the same time, whether it is loving oneself or loving others, contributing to the maturity of the mind must also be based on an independent choice, that is, a choice of love.

Patients receiving psychotherapy are often confused by the nature of love.Love is so mysterious that many people mistakenly believe that the nature of love can never be understood.The purpose of this book is not to analyze the mystery of love. I only hope to try to eliminate most people's misunderstandings about love, and lead readers to review their personal experiences, so as to get close to the core of love and get out of the pain related to love.First, I want to walk you through the nature of love by explaining what love is NOT.