Chapter 9 Neurosis and Personality Disorders

Most people who seek help from a psychiatrist have either a neurosis or a personality disorder.They are both the result of a problem with the sense of responsibility, which manifests itself in the exact opposite direction: the neurotic imposes responsibility on himself, the personality disorder refuses to take it.Conflicts and contradictions with the outside world, neurotic patients think that the fault is their own, but personality disorder patients blame others for their mistakes.The alcoholic officer in front felt that Okinawa, not himself, was to blame; and the military wife felt that there was nothing she could do about loneliness.During my work in Okinawa, I also worked with a neurotic lady whose excessive loneliness was unbearable.She said: "I drive to the military club every day, hoping to meet new friends, but that place always makes me upset. I feel that other military wives don't want to be with me. I think there must be something wrong with me. Maybe I'm too introverted. I don't understand why I'm not popular?" This woman once considered herself the unluckiest person in the world, and believed that her loneliness was entirely the result of her own eccentricity and self-inflicted blame.The treatment found that the problem was that her IQ was higher than ordinary people, and her aggressiveness was also stronger than ordinary people.She was at odds with other officers' wives and husbands because she was more intelligent and aggressive than them.She finally realized that feeling lonely was not a big flaw in herself.In this way, she made a choice that was right for her: She and her husband divorced soon after, and she went back to college to study and raise her children.She now works as an editor for a magazine and is married to a successful publisher.

Neurotics often say "I could have", "I probably should", "I shouldn't".No matter what they do, they feel that they are not as capable as others. They lack courage and individuality.Patients with personality disorders emphasize "I can't", "I can't", "I can't do it", and they lack the ability to judge independently and take responsibility.It is much easier to treat a neurosis than a personality disorder because the neurosis insists that the problem is our own responsibility, not that of other people or society.It is more difficult to cure people with personality disorders. They stubbornly believe that the problem has nothing to do with them, and other people and the outside world are the culprits.Many people have both neurosis and personality disorder, collectively referred to as "personality neurosis".On some issues, they take other people's responsibility onto themselves, filled with guilt; on others, they dismiss it.Treating personality neurosis is not necessarily as difficult as imagined. Firstly, curing the neurosis will allow the patient to build up confidence in the treatment, and then accept the doctor's advice, correct the unwillingness to take responsibility, and eliminate the root cause of personality disorder.

Almost everyone suffers from neurosis or personality disorder to varying degrees. Therefore, as long as you seek medical treatment in time, it will be of great benefit to your mental health.In life, it is our responsibility to correctly evaluate our role and determine who and what we should be responsible for, and it is also an unavoidable problem.Assessing the attribution of responsibility inevitably makes us feel painful, which leads to avoidance tendencies.Starting from the heart and making a trade-off, the person involved must reflect on himself, and the pain and suffering involved have made many people flinch.It is obviously human nature to love leisure and dislike work.In a sense, all children suffer from a personality disorder, an instinct to avoid punishment.Brothers and sisters fight, and when adults pursue it, they will rush to shirk responsibility.Many children also suffer from some kind of neurosis.With their limited understanding, they take the suffering they suffer as well deserved.Children who lack care are ashamed of themselves, think that they are not cute enough, and their shortcomings outweigh their advantages. They never think that this is rooted in the lack of love and care from their parents.

They are unable to attract the favor of the opposite sex, or are not satisfactory in sports, and they all suspect that they have serious disabilities.It is difficult for them to realize that even with their developmental delays and average intelligence, they are still normal people.Everyone needs years of experience to mature their minds so that they can correctly understand themselves and objectively assess the responsibilities that they and others should bear. Parents are always there to help as their children grow.But if the parents shirk their responsibilities, or even remind the children: the problem is their own fault, not the responsibility of the parents.It is difficult to meet the needs of children.Of course, it is not easy to grasp the timing of education. This is long and hard work. Parents need to be sensitive, understand the needs of their children, and invest time and energy. Even if it is suffering, parents need to pay more love and take responsibility for themselves Responsibility.

In addition to lack of sensitivity or neglect of education, many parents have other shortcomings.People with mild neurosis can perform their parental duties, unless they are too stressed to perform their duties as parents; people with personality disorders are mostly incompetent parents, and they are not aware of it.There is a generally accepted saying in the field of psychology: "Neurotic patients make their lives miserable, while those with personality disorders make others' lives miserable." That is to say, neurotic patients take responsibility for themselves and make them exhausted; People with disorders blame others, first and foremost their children.They do not fulfill their parental responsibilities and do not give their children the love and attention they need.They never self-examine their children's moral or academic problems, but blame the education system, or they complain and blame other children, thinking that they have "brought down" their own children.Putting blame on others is obviously a deliberate evasion of responsibility.Parents often blame their children: "You children are driving me crazy!" "If it weren't for you troublemakers, I wouldn't marry your father (mother)!" You caused it!" "If it wasn't for raising and taking care of you, I could have successfully completed college and started a really big career." They provided an example for the child to avoid responsibility in the future, and returned the message to the child: "I My marriage is unhappy, my mental health is unhealthy, and my life is miserable, all of which are entirely your fault." The child cannot understand how unreasonable this accusation is, so he blames himself, thus becoming a neurotic patient.Therefore, when parents have symptoms of personality disorders, children themselves will also develop personality disorders or neurosis. The problems of the elders affect the growth of the next generation. This situation is commonplace and the legacy is endless.

Parents with personality disorders set a negative example for their children.Their illness will also affect marriage, friendship and career. Their refusal to take up their responsibilities leads to problems in life.Having said that, standing up for problems or they will last forever, people with personality disorders completely deviate from this approach and can't help but blame their spouse, children, friends, parents, bosses, or other abstractions ——Organizations that bring "bad influence", such as schools, governments, racial discrimination, sex discrimination, social systems, trends of the times, etc., but the problems still exist.When they shirk their responsibilities, they may feel comfortable and happy, but their minds are not mature, and they often become a burden on the collective and society.People with personality disorders transfer their pain to the collective and society, reminiscent of a popular saying by Eldridge Cleaver (Afro-American writer) in the 1960s: "If you can't solve the problem, you will become the problem." .” Actually, this sentence is for everyone.