Chapter 8 Take responsibility

If the problems of life cannot be solved in time, they will lie before our eyes like a mountain. A lot of people are obviously ignoring the truth of it.We must face our own problems, which is the basic premise of solving them.It's obviously not doing any good to avoid it, thinking "it's not my problem," and it's not smart to expect someone else to solve it.The only way --- we should bravely say: "This is my problem, or I will solve it!" Quite a few people just want to escape, and they would rather comfort themselves in this way: "It is not me but someone else who has this problem. The reason for this is that others have dragged me down, it is caused by social factors beyond my control, and it should be solved by others or society for me. This is by no means my personal problem.”

The psychological tendency to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages and evade responsibility is regrettable, and sometimes even ridiculous.I used to be stationed in Okinawa with the U.S. Army. At that time, an American officer had a serious problem with alcoholism, so he came to me for counseling to see if it was possible to solve it.He denies that he is a habitual drinker and believes that alcoholism is not his personal problem.He said: "In Okinawa, we have nothing to do at night. Life is really boring. What else can we do except drink?" I asked him, "Do you like reading?"

"Yeah, of course, I like to read," he said. "In that case, wouldn't it be better for you to read instead of drinking at night?" "It's too noisy in the barracks, I don't have the heart to read." "How about going to the library and reading?" "The library is too far away." "Is the library further than the bar?" "Well, to be honest, I don't really like reading very much. My interest is not in reading. I'm not a person who likes reading." I changed the subject and continued to ask, "Do you like fishing?"

"Of course, I like fishing too much." "Then why don't you fish instead of drinking?" "I have to work during the day." "Can't you fish at night?" "Of course not. There are no places to fish in Okinawa at night." "It seems not. As far as I know, there are several night fishing clubs here. I recommend you to go fishing there. What do you think?" "Well... how should I put it, actually I don't like fishing that much." "What you mean," I pointed out his question, "here in Okinawa, besides drinking, there are actually other things to do, but to be precise, drinking is your favorite thing."

"I think you're right." "However, you always drink too much, so that you violate military discipline, which brings you a lot of trouble, doesn't it?" "What can I do? I'm stationed on this damn island, and everyone has to drink to pass the time all day. Is this my problem?" I talked to him for a long time, but the officer was always stubborn and refused to admit that drinking was a personal problem.He also refused to accept my suggestion that only perseverance and determination, coupled with the help of others, can completely solve the problem.I had no choice but to inform his superiors: he refused to accept help at all, and his stubbornness made me powerless.In this way, the officer continued to drink heavily and was eventually dismissed from the army.

In Okinawa, a young military wife was rushed to the emergency room after slashing her wrist with a razor blade.Later, when I saw her in the ward, I asked her why she did this. "Of course I wanted to kill myself." "Why do you want to kill yourself?" "This place makes me feel boring and dull. I can't bear it for a moment. You have to send me back to the country. If I have to stay here, I will still kill myself." "Why does living in Okinawa make you feel so miserable?" "I don't have any friends here, I'm lonely all the time," she sobbed.

"It's really bad. But why don't you make friends?" "Because I live in a goddamn residential area in Okinawa where no one speaks English." "Then why don't you drive to the American family compound, or go to the Military Wives Club and make friends there?" "Because my husband has to drive to work during the day." "Since you're lonely and bored during the day, why don't you drive your husband to work?" I asked. "Because our car is a transmission, not an automatic, I don't know how to drive a transmission car."

"Why don't you learn to drive a shift car?" She stared at me and said, "Study on that path? You must be crazy."