Chapter 10 escape from freedom

People with psychologically diagnosed personality disorders often avoid responsibility to a considerable degree.Everyone has a tendency to avoid responsibility, even in subtle ways, and I am an example of this.When I was 30 years old, I was fortunate enough to get the guidance of Mike Bejiri, and I overcame my tendency to mild personality disorder.At the time, I was working as a physician and receiving medical training in the psychiatric outpatient department headed by Director Begiri.Like other doctors, I take care of new patients.Maybe it's because I have a strong sense of responsibility (whether it's treating patients or the profession itself), the work schedule is full, and the workload is far more than other colleagues.Other doctors see patients once a week, but I have to see patients two or three times a week. The result can be imagined: I see other doctors coming home from get off work one after another at 4:30 every afternoon, while my consultation schedule By eight or nine o'clock in the evening, I had to stay in the outpatient department continuously, which made me feel dissatisfied and resentful, and my fatigue was increasing day by day.I realized that this situation had to change, or I would definitely break down.I went to Director Begiri to report the situation, and hoped that he would arrange for me not to receive new patients for a few weeks, so that I could have enough time to catch up with the work progress.I secretly speculated: "He should think my idea is feasible, right? Also, has he thought of other ways to solve the problem?" In Director Begiri's office, he listened to my complaints patiently and seriously. Didn't interrupt me either.After I finished speaking, he was silent for a moment, then said to me sympathetically, "Oh, I can see that you're in trouble."

I am very grateful for his concern and understanding.I relaxed and smiled and said, "Thank you. So what do you think I should do?" He replied, "Didn't I tell you, Scott, you're in trouble now." What kind of answer is this? It's not what I expected. I feel somewhat displeased. "Yes," I asked again, "you are right. I knew I was in trouble, and that's why I came to you. What do you think I should do?" He said: "Scott, you didn't take my words to heart. I listened to your thoughts just now, and I understand your situation. You are indeed in trouble now."

I said excitedly, "Okay, okay, hell, I know I'm in trouble, I knew it before I came here. But the question is, what am I going to do?" "Scott," he replied, "listen to me, I'm just going to tell you again, and you listen carefully: I agree with you. You're in real trouble now! Speak more clearly, your The trouble is about time. It's your time, not mine, so it's not mine. You, Scott Pike, you have a problem with the schedule, that's all I have to say. " It was indecent, and I was so pissed off that I turned around abruptly and strode out of Beguile's office.My anger lingered for a long time, and I hated Bejiri terribly, which lasted for three full months.I firmly believe that he has a serious personality disorder, otherwise how could he be indifferent to my problems?I humbly ask him for help, but this damn guy refuses to take on his responsibilities, how can he be qualified to be the director of the outpatient department!

As the director of the outpatient department, such problems cannot be solved, so what else can I do? Three months later, I realized that Director Beguile was right, that it was I, not him, who had the personality disorder.My time is my responsibility, how I spend it is my responsibility, and only I have the authority to set priorities.I spend more time treating patients than other colleagues, and that is by choice.Of course it hurts to see my co-workers go home two or three hours before me every day.My wife complained that I was becoming more and more neglectful of the family, which also made me feel sad and resentful, but isn't this the result of my own choice?My heavy burden is not caused by the cruelty of the profession, not the result of fate, nor the cruel persecution of the boss, this is the way I choose.The problem was that I didn't change the way I worked in time.After thinking through all this, my situation has changed.I no longer have any envy, complaints, or resentments for colleagues who leave work earlier than me.It makes no sense for me to be resentful that they work differently than I do when I can manage my time the way they do.Hating their freedom is actually hating my own choice, but this choice made me proud and even complacent for a time!

The difficulty with taking responsibility for one's actions is that it causes pain, and we try to avoid that pain.I asked Dr. Bejiri to arrange time for me, in fact, to avoid the pain of extending my working hours, but this is the inevitable consequence of my choice to treat diseases and save lives.I asked Director Begiri for help in order to increase his power over me.I am asking the other party: "Be responsible for me, you are my boss!" We try to shift the responsibility to others or organizations, which means that we are willing to be in a subordinate position, and hand over freedom and power to fate, society, and government , dictator, boss.Eric Fromm named his treatise on Nazism and totalitarianism aptly.In order to escape the pain of responsibility, countless people are willing to give up power, but in fact they are escaping from freedom.

I have an acquaintance who is bright but unhappy.He often complained about the oppressive forces in society: racism, sexism, the inhumane militarization of corporate governance.He is even more dissatisfied and resentful that the village police interfered with his and his friends' long hair.I reminded him over and over again: He is an adult and should make his own decisions.It is understandable for young children to rely on their parents. Parents are arbitrarily arbitrary, and children have no choice.For adults with a clear mind, they can make suitable choices without restriction.It is true that choice does not mean the absence of pain, and freedom does not mean isolation from pain. It may be "the lesser of two evils".I believe that there are oppressive forces in the world, but we are free enough to fight them.An acquaintance of mine who lives in the country where long hair is frowned upon by the police, yet insists on having it long, could, in fact, move to the city (where it should be more lenient) or simply cut it off; The right to grow your hair long and run for sheriff.Oddly enough, he was unaware that he had the freedom to choose.He bemoaned the lack of political clout without ever acknowledging the power of personal choice.He keeps saying that he loves freedom, but rather than saying that oppressive forces hurt him, it is better to say that he voluntarily gave up his freedom and power.I hope that one day he will stop whining about the choices he makes in life, and the worries, sorrows, anger, and frustrations he will live with all the time.

Dr. Hilde Brutz, in the preface to her "Psychological Research", explains the reasons why ordinary patients seek psychotherapy: "They all face a common problem-feeling that they cannot 'deal' or change the status quo. , resulting in fear, helplessness, and self-doubt.” The root cause of most patients’ powerlessness is that they always want to escape from freedom and cannot take responsibility for their problems and their lives.They feel weak because they have given up their strength.If treated, they learn that as adults, life is full of choices and decisions throughout life.They accept it and they become free men; they cannot accept it and they feel forever a victim.