Chapter 27 Section 7 The FBI teaches you to put yourself in the other party’s shoes

At any time, you should think more about the other party, so that you can impress others and make it easier to enter their hearts.When persuading others, it is also necessary to put yourself in the other person's shoes. In this regard, FBI psychology professor James is a master. He said something like this: One weekend, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, in the cold and rainy weather, a desperate young mother walked up to the roof of a 26-story building with her two-year-old daughter in her arms, and stood on the edge of the roof.This is a young mother who was abandoned by her husband. 4:30 in the afternoon is her "death time". When FBI negotiator William received the order to rush to the scene, the time had already pointed to 3:30 in the afternoon.

The young mother was standing outside a window on the top of the building with her child in her arms. There was no way to rescue her from behind or from both sides. The only way was to negotiate. However, more than an hour passed and several rounds of negotiations failed. There was still half an hour before the time she agreed to jump off the building.William stood outside the roof window and kept talking to the mother, trying to get her to communicate with himself, but the young mother didn't say a word.But William did not give up and continued to try to talk to the other party. Suddenly, the young mother suddenly said: "Stop talking, there is nothing to talk about, there are still 5 minutes."

At that time, there was no other way. William could only seize the last moment and let the young mother talk to him as soon as possible.Seeing the child in the arms of the young mother, William had an idea and said: "The child is very beautiful. Look at how bright her eyes are. She will definitely be a big beauty in the future." However, the young mother was still unmoved. William decided to change the subject. He said: "Shall we talk again? You look good, you have a good figure, and you are in good condition. Your child is so cute. You You can find another job by yourself, you don’t need to rely on others, and you can live a better life. You must have been strong before, but now you are raising your children at home, and there is a gap between you and your husband. You have to re-enrich yourself. You don’t want to live , What about your child, she is innocent, you have to think about her!" After William finished speaking, the young mother looked down at her child, and then burst into tears.Then she turned around at the edge of the building and started talking to William. As they chatted, she shifted the position of holding the baby, and William quickly seized the opportunity to offer her a hug.However, she refused.

Perhaps it was because the child was outside for too long, and the child was a little cold. At this time, the child hooked his feet on the window sill and struggled inward, while the young mother pulled the child out with a relatively large range of movements. William was also a little nervous because of the wind outside. It was very big, and it rained a lot.So he went on to say: "Ma'am, you should respect the child's choice. The child is a little cold. Give the child to me. I will carry her in..." While speaking, William began to walk up the stairs and slowly walked towards the window on the top of the building. Walking, the young mother didn't object at this time, "It's very cold here, give me the child, otherwise the child will catch a cold easily."

Although the young mother was not very willing, she still handed the child in. William quickly walked over, took the child, put the child on the ground, and grabbed the young mother's hand, "Come in, I'll pull you come up." The time was fixed at 4:28 in the afternoon. Seeing that the mother and daughter were safely rescued, the people waiting nearby couldn't help applauding excitedly. James said that the reason why William was successful was because he always considered the problem from the perspective of the other party throughout the entire rescue process.Through careful analysis for the other party, to make the other party understand what she really needs, and after weighing the pros and cons, she made the choice to give up and commit suicide.

The agents of the FBI have always been "thinking of each other in everything" and striving for a win-win situation. This is the clever way of doing things. When personal problems become overwhelming, seeing things from the other person's point of view may ease the tension. FBI Director Hoover once said: "If there is any secret to successful persuasion, it is to put yourself in other people's shoes and understand their attitudes and viewpoints." Only in this way can you communicate better. If you want to change another person's perspective without hurting feelings or causing resentment, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.This will allow you to gain friendship and understanding, and reduce friction and difficulties.