Chapter 39 4.In this world, some women will always see other women as enemies

The hostility between two strange men is far greater than that between two strange women. The secret is this: There is a potential threat of violence between men who are strangers to each other, but not between women who are strangers to each other. However, if they are familiar with each other, or even colleagues, then the hostility between two women is far greater than that between two men. The secret is: between men who are familiar with each other, only interests pose a threat; but between women, the very existence of one person is a threat to the other.Men prove their superiority through the acquisition of benefits, while women just compare themselves with women, especially women they are familiar with or of the same kind.Therefore, some women are destined to offend other women by their very existence.

There is a woman A and woman B who are very good friends. B's husband has a third party outside.Everyone knew that that man was the type of person who never looked back. When B was upset, she would talk to A, and A often comforted B, and the matter would pass, and her husband would change his mind.Sometimes A also stands on the side of B righteously, condemning B's husband and helping her calm down.Except that A lives better than B in terms of relationship, he is not as good as B in terms of job position and income. But despite this, B didn't contact A very much afterwards; A called her, and she was also very cold. A is very innocent: what did I do wrong?

I said: If you want to do well in front of her, then let yourself be emotionally worse than her and be rejected by your husband.Do you want to? ! The problem is not with A at all, but with the fact that A is in a better emotional situation than B! This point is too obvious: B is a woman with a very strong desire for psychological competition, and she will never allow herself to lose to A in certain aspects.However, as long as she is dumped by her husband, no matter how she is better than A in other aspects, she will be at a psychological disadvantage in front of A.Because for a woman, being dumped by her husband negates all her value, she is so awesome, how could she still be dumped by her husband?

Since the fact that he loses emotionally to A cannot be changed, the way for B to survive psychologically is to ignore A in order to avoid the comparison with A. In fact, when B no longer talks to A, this information has already been conveyed.She stopped calling A, and the message could not have been clearer.At this time, A should understand that she should no longer exist in front of B.If the so-called friendship can still be maintained, it will have to wait until the day when B can show off in front of A and gain a psychological advantage.Calling B stupidly, not only is it stupid and naive, but also psychologically, B has malicious intentions and actively stimulated her!

The existence of a woman is likely to be a threat to another woman.And by the same logic, she could also be a foil for another woman. In 1865, the French writer Zola wrote a novel "The Accompaniment", revealing this cruel truth.Do you feel that you are not attractive enough?It's too simple, use the principle of contrast between two women together, find an ugly woman to set off, and it will immediately make you gorgeous! In the evil capitalist society, "ugliness" can be sold, really.But in our great socialist society, we must resolutely reject this decadent and ugly behavior.We also have foils, but not based on monetary relationships, to be precise, for free.With this kind of foil, there is a friendship between two women, or conversely, the friendship between two women is based on this foil!

Moreover, the foil itself necessarily means that a woman can condescend to another woman psychologically, and even control another woman, making it an appendage of herself. There are two women, C and D, who are this kind of foil relationship. C and D are friends for many years.In junior high school, D's study was not as good as C, but C never suppressed D with good grades. Later, I got a job, because D's family has connections, and found a job that is easier and earns more money than C.When they got married, D's husband was richer than C's husband. C has no feeling about this, because their relationship has always been dominated by D.For example, D needs to see her clothes before buying them.Her dress also needs to be judged by D.If both of them are interested in the same piece of clothing, most of the time she asks D to buy it.For this kind of relationship mainly with D, C has felt very natural in the years of friendship.

In other words, she felt that being D's foil and accessory was very natural. But as time went by in the society, C also became more mature and began to have his own opinions.Shopping is no longer based on D.When D sees the clothes chosen by C, he usually shows a look of extreme contempt.But C, who is superstitious about friendship, didn't care about it, and interpreted it as D's straight temper. C always regards D as a good friend, and tells D about any unhappy things.Of course, D rarely tells C about her. Now C is in much better condition than D after 6 years of struggle (while C is struggling, D is playing).As a result, they repeated the story of A and B: D did not contact C.And when C called D, D also acted indifferently, that kind of indifferent attitude was like a noble lady perfunctory civilians.

Like A, C still doesn't understand what went wrong with him. She didn't understand that the only problem was that her situation had changed. As D's foil, appendage, to maintain the so-called friendship, it is "defined" that she can never surpass D.I believe that if she can understand this, she will not cherish this "friendship" any more. If two women are colleagues rather than friends, the psychological competition is equally cruel.In this world, there are always some women who will regard other women as enemies. Q, a female white-collar worker, was very troubled by this.She couldn't figure out why a female colleague was so hostile to her.She asked me to analyze it for her.

Is this woman vicious?Is she a workplace reptile?It's not that exaggerated.She just has endless vanity.However, the existence of our female white-collar Q made her psychologically seriously frustrated. In order to prove his worth, a man can look into the distance and into the future.But women are different. If the people around her can't compare, her value will not be reflected. If the existence of a woman is a threat to another woman, it is very natural psychologically, and the latter will find ways to belittle the former and attack the former through words and actions. If it is very unfortunate that your existence offends another woman, just like the female white-collar Q in the above case, what should you do?

I will tell a story first. I'm glad in hindsight that I prevented myself from making a stupid mistake.When we look as if we are "better" than someone else, it is important to anticipate this, which is likely to make the other person feel depressed and inferior.Therefore, sometimes we have to demean ourselves through words or actions in front of others, in order to take care of the psychological survival of others!This is a kind of protection for oneself. This is especially true when a woman has advantages over another woman in terms of appearance, family background, work ability, etc., and she is just a colleague or friend of this woman, not a superior.

What if, like the female white-collar Q in our case, she didn't pay attention at the beginning, and the matter has reached such a point that the other party can only survive psychologically by attacking and isolating her? Aggression is actually a psychological defense of the psychologically disadvantaged.Here we find that the female white-collar worker Q cannot adopt a strategy of showing weakness in front of this woman, because she has more advantages than that woman in terms of appearance and background. This cannot be changed, and this woman is attacking precisely this point, and Not just her gestures!Therefore, showing weakness will not help.Even showing weakness in this woman's heart would be interpreted as a mockery in disguise.She is very clear that even so, she does not have the psychological advantage, because there is no fact that a female white-collar Q is worse than her in some respects. Therefore, if the female white-collar Q doesn’t want to fight her any longer, but also wants her to stop her attacks on her, the best way is to deliberately expose some of her flaws in front of her through acting, so that she can gain psychological balance. The situation of another kind-hearted female white-collar P is the same as that of female white-collar Q.The difference is that the female colleagues she met belonged to reptiles who understood workplace politics better.Such a woman is more difficult to deal with. When P entered a public institution, he was assigned with another female colleague T.Since P has better grades and receives more attention, T feels threatened. An example is: if something happens in the general unit, always notify P, and then ask P to notify T.This means that although the two did not have a division in position at the beginning, they already had a division in status, and P was clearly dominant and was valued. T wants to fight against this marginalized situation, and the first thing is to tell P that she is not P's subordinate, and that P should not try to ride on her head in the initial competition. T's way of conveying information even seemed hysterical. For example, when P told her what to do with the notification from her unit, T quickly rebounded and asked repeatedly: "Why didn't you call me? Why didn't I know? When Hit it? Who hit it?" This was an unfriendly signal, and P, who was not wary of people, also noticed it, so he kept a little distance from T. It is not enough to tell P that he is not at a disadvantage.For T, it is necessary to compete with P for the favor of the unit.Since the newcomers are arranged to be on duty, one time the director said that he was satisfied with P, but P didn't care about it, and just did his own thing well.But T listened to it, so he went to be on duty every day, whenever he was free.In this way, it appears that P is lazy.After a period of time, T has reaped the fruits, the director's impression of P has obviously deteriorated, and he has paid more attention to T, and there are signs of cultivating her. And people like P just don't want to compete with T because of their kindness. When T is around, she doesn't go on duty, and doesn't want to give others the impression that she and T are competing for favor.In addition, when she saw T and the director together when she went, she would panic and feel like an outsider. This completely exposes P's weakness: T is completely unaware that his existence is a threat.To make T feel that she is not a threat, there is only one possibility, that is, T can already step on P. To win the competition, T must not only compete for favor in front of the leaders, but also isolate P from his colleagues.So, after winning the first step; she immediately started the second step, building relationships with her colleagues and forming a circle.In terms of interpersonal relationships, it is also a weakness of P.She went back to her room after finishing her work, and never took the initiative to find colleagues for emotional win-win. Not only that, but T was also aggressive and frequently looked at P with that scrutiny.She has clearly identified P's weakness, that is, the weaker a person is, the more powerless he is to resist a person's provocation and attack. T wants to pull out the bottom line and completely destroy P psychologically. As a result, P was not only marginalized in the unit, but also had a psychological barrier when she confided in me. A simple truth that P obviously didn't understand: several people who entered the unit together are destined to become competitors, because leaders often compare them based on their performance.The result of the comparison will determine their future situation. Therefore, T, as a little political crawler, was defensive and wary of P from the very beginning.Whether P wants to compete with T or not, she is T's opponent and can only be a victim of T's career promotion.Here, unless P is willing to be marginalized, willing to be hit and humiliated by T, otherwise, there is no retreat at all. If, as a woman, you encounter hostility and attacks from female bosses, what should you do? Y is in great pain.The cause of her pain came from her boss, a department manager. The department manager has an aggressive personality, and unfortunately, Y is exactly the target of her attack.The cause of the incident was: the company once sent a project, and the department manager felt that her department could not complete it, so she did not intend to accept the project.And Y has some accumulation in this area, and thinks that it can be completed, and suggests that she continue. The department manager was worried that he would have to take responsibility if he could not complete the task, so he asked Y to take over the project in the name of the project leader, and made it clear that Y would be responsible for the unfinished task. But after some hard work, the project was completed and the department got some rewards. Y thought it was a happy event.Unfortunately, the manager of the department said that Y intended to fight against her, and wanted to take the credit and take her place, because the company had a major personnel adjustment a year later. Y was unexpected. From then on, Y's hard days came.The department manager deliberately did not arrange projects for her, leaving her with nothing to do.When the department manager reported to the company leader, he said that Y refused to accept the job she arranged.The department manager also often reprimanded and even attacked Y personally. In the company, the managers of each department can cover the sky with one hand. Except for the managers of each department, others have almost no chance to directly contact the company leaders. The performance of the work can only be reported to the company by the managers of each department. Y judged that the purpose of the department manager was to force him to change jobs or to tarnish his reputation.But after observation, she also found that sometimes the department manager has no special purpose when attacking herself, it is purely to vent. This kind of life is like hell. Y felt that he couldn't bear it, and thought about changing jobs, but he was unwilling to escape.Because after changing jobs, the accumulation in this company is gone, and I have to start all over again when I go to another company.Thinking that his career might be ruined by villains, Y felt the injustice of fate. It's a really sad story. Y is very accurate in his judgment. The department manager is an aggressive person, a sadist. Most "enterprising" women have sado-masochistic character traits, because in the patriarchal society, the way for her to find "self-worth" is not to play her role as a woman, but according to the patriarchal society. Be logical and pursue success like a man.Therefore, she has a prior sadistic desire, and has a strong desire to control and attack those who do not obey her and are weaker than her.But on the other hand, she desires in her heart that a man stronger than her can control her so that she can experience herself as a woman. That department manager is Y's boss.what does this mean?It means that in her eyes, Y is not a person who can satisfy her masochistic desire at all. Y is weaker than her in status and cannot subdue her.Then, in order not to be attacked by her as an enemy, Y can only satisfy her desire for control, that is to say, Y must become a part of her psychologically and be absolutely obedient to her! But what Y did on that project was beyond the department manager's control. Y is no longer part of the psychological structure of the department manager, but a threat to her authority.As long as Y exists under her nose for a day, things will be like this! We want to ask: Is it okay for Y to beg her for mercy?no more.Since that incident, Y has escaped from the psychological structure of the department manager and is psychologically out of her control.Unless there is another colleague who challenges the authority of the department manager more than Y.But this only means that the department manager's attack will be transferred to that colleague more, it does not mean that she can let it go! It is impossible to beg for mercy, it can only be fought.And this requires Y to bear the burden of humiliation, unite with colleagues who are oppressed by the department manager, and find opportunities to rebel.Among them, the most critical thing is to break through the communication channel established by the company, the autocratic government, in the power control system, and bypass the department manager to pass the information to the highest level.