Chapter 38 3.The more responsible a man is, the more he fears the pressure from his family

If a woman's happiness comes mostly from her family, then it is very important to truly understand her husband's psychology. A netizen told a family story of a female colleague and hoped that I could help.details as following. A netizen asked me: What is the psychological structure of a person like B? A believes that the current situation is mainly caused by money. If one day the money problem is solved, can B return to his original self?How can B get out of the current psychological predicament? On the surface, many people will draw a conclusion for B in this way, that is, B has a sense of responsibility and hopes to bring happiness to the family.He maintains his self-identity by agreeing in his heart that this is his moral obligation.But because he is unable to fulfill this obligation well, he cannot gain self-identity, that is, he feels that he has no value and no face, so he adopts the method of evasion.As long as he is with his wife, the existence of his wife will put pressure on him, because it means that his wife is saying that he is incompetent, which will hurt him.

However, I would say that seeing this is not enough.First of all, I would like to ask: Since it is for the happiness of the family, why did he still have to separate when his wife did not force him?Doesn't he know that this is actually causing pain to his wife and children?It can be seen that things are not that simple. It can be seen at a glance that B belongs to the kind of person with strong egocentrism, but this kind of egocentrism is not related to the publicity of personality, but is precisely related to the ranking of social values. We acknowledge that he identifies with the role of head of the household and wants to fulfill it.However, betting self-identity on this kind of role-taking reveals such a problem: B's purpose is not to pursue this kind of role-taking, but to regard role-taking as a means for him to confirm his own value.

Obviously, B wants to be successful and wants to buy a house, not only to confirm his status and value in front of others, but also to show his value in front of his wife.This is a manifestation of egocentrism.And precisely because of egocentrism and identification with social value rankings, it is of course impossible for him to be with his wife before he has money.It would be nice if his paranoia had a personality. Having a personality means that he can dissociate from this social value ranking to a certain extent, and not just confirm his own value by status, money, etc.It can be believed that a person like B will not have a third party.

A's judgment on B is right, but she doesn't really understand B.Lack of money was the medium, not the cause, of his behavior.The reason is his psychological structure.So, if the money problem is solved, B can temporarily go back to the past, but if other problems come, the state is likely to be broken again. The suggestion to A is: don't call B back directly, but encourage him, let him feel that he and his wife and children are a community of destiny, so there is nothing to be ashamed of in front of his wife; Many difficulties (not just financial difficulties) require his participation.