Chapter 37 2.There is only one reason why a man does not cherish a woman: he does not love this woman

There is a phenomenon that really pains me. There are always women complaining tearfully: "Why did he treat me so well when he was chasing me, and he finally caught up with me, but he seemed to be a different person and didn't cherish me? Men are not good things!" The situation described by this type of women is: when men were chasing them, whether they liked men or not, they always put on airs and played arrogantly, rejecting or pretending to reject men time and time again, making them feel that she is more upscale than other women, More valuable.But under the persevering pursuit of men, they are "moved", let the man win, fall in love or get married.

Consciously or subconsciously, they think that they are so valuable that they cannot be easily obtained. After a man has it, he will definitely cherish it.However, what I didn't expect was that once the man succeeded, the past flattery disappeared, and he suddenly became cold towards them, and even became indifferent to them. This kind of huge psychological gap will indeed create a group of resentful women. Regardless of whether the man is a good thing or not, the real problem is that this type of woman should have thought before accusing that this evil result was doomed when she played the "arrogant" stance.

Let's analyze the odds of a woman's "arrogant strategy" in the love and marriage market. On the face of it this is the optimal strategy.According to traditional Chinese cultural concepts, men are the initiative and the demand side, so in order to ensure that they can sell at the highest price, the supply side must find ways to package themselves to make themselves look valuable.This is a game that needs to be played hard.If you don't pack yourself at the beginning, and make a deal according to the approximate market price (appearance, occupation, education, status, etc.), the buyer who bought this item will definitely not regard her as a treasure, and the supplier Naturally, it is difficult to maintain and increase the value in the future.

A woman's psychology is: I play arrogance, and if I don't let you succeed easily, I will appear to be more valuable than other sisters.In addition, the more you can't get something, the more men will want it.And when chasing this thing, men will also pay more costs.Therefore, if he got it, he would definitely cherish it. Wrong, big mistake! Imagining a man like this is completely ignorant of men's psychology.Of course, many men may not be aware of their own psychology. Yes, it cannot be ruled out that when a man catches up with a woman easily, he doesn't know how to cherish it.But please remember, this man does not cherish a woman, not because the woman is not worth cherishing, but because he does not really love her, and such a possessive mentality: the woman I possess has lost the charm of possession .

I want to say that when a woman likes a man, it is by no means a bad strategy in the game to not play arrogant posture, but to take the initiative to fight for and express it.Or on the contrary, this is the optimal strategy.As for the man who later despised her or even abandoned her, it was not the fault of the game strategy, but that he had not seen the right person, and had problems with values, knowledge and vision.But playing arrogantly is doomed to only reap the consequences. A man's psychology is by no means what a woman imagines. Only when the other party is arrogant will he cherish it.When you play arrogance in front of him, it may indeed make him feel that you are high-end, but he can't handle you, and he will feel a sense of frustration and a sense of his own worthlessness.

However, if this game is played too much, the emotion that will surge up in this man will not be how attractive you are, but hate you.Seriously, even after his self-esteem has been hit, the nature of his pursuit of you has completely changed. He must chase you, no longer to be with you, but to deal with you. mentality, to wash away the shame of his self-esteem being hurt. His psychological logic is: "What are you proud of, I will fix you, and see if you are still proud!" or "Aren't you very proud, what's the result?" So, if you really want to be with this man, You can only play arrogant once or twice at most, master the speed well.Of course, if you don't love him, then be proud to the end.

Love wrapped in romance and sensuality can mentally degenerate a woman into a baby.But in fact, if a woman succumbs to the order of social values, she doesn't know who she is in front of men, and she is immersed in self-imagination, the same is true. I know M, a female department manager of a company, who is 26 years old and comes from a rural area with an ordinary appearance.Applying the term "Phoenix Man", it may be called "Phoenix Woman". When I met M, I was shocked. At the age of 26, he is good at dancing with long sleeves, manages his employees obediently, handles complex interpersonal relationships with ease, and uses various tricks to coax customers into a high degree of "loyalty". "A talented actress and a woman of super ability!" A voice came to me suddenly.

But from her language and expression, I can see that she has been highly infected by the virus of social value ranking, and she has an inferiority complex that cannot be dispelled in her bones-education, background, or former poverty. In the roles of department manager to employee and department manager to customer, she is mature and sophisticated far beyond her age, completely hiding her true self and preventing her inner things from interfering with her acting skills.According to the theory of psychological strength, her performance is impeccable if she keeps her psychological structure unchanged and only uses her intellectual structure to deal with others.

But in her narration, I found that she was naive than anyone else when it came to finding a boyfriend who could marry. It's not that there is something wrong with her emotions, but that she has no emotions at all. The information I captured is: she keeps saying that she loves her boyfriend very much, but in essence, this is just a deception she set for herself. Let me introduce her boyfriend: young, handsome, loves to play, is a small boss, born in a city, owns a house and a car.But he doesn't love her, and behaves very coldly.In his eyes, she may only exist when he needs her to do something.

Any fool can see that this is a one-way "love" relationship.She is dangerous. M is of course aware of this.In fact, her so-called "love" for her boyfriend is a very mundane calculation of interests and vanity to make herself appear to have a woman's "worth".And a rich, small boss, young and handsome boyfriend is exactly one of her ideal objects. This "love", the driving force is actually a submission to the ordering of social values.But psychologically she wants to deny this, and put a sublime color on her feelings.So she mentally imagined that she had "love" for him.But the concept and connotation of "love" is completely beyond her ability to understand and experience.

I peered through the fog of their relationship and saw her anxiety. If someone asks me, since this man doesn't take her seriously at all, why does he still maintain a boyfriend-boyfriend relationship?To illustrate the point, I guess I can only answer rudely from a man's point of view: Why would a woman who doesn't cost money and is available at call say no? M asked me: Is there any way to make her boyfriend treat her better?I asked back: Have you asked your heart? If a person does not know what is the psychological motivation that drives him, he will not know what he really wants and can grasp. According to Fromm's very classic insights, after love and marriage are polluted by interests, men and women become a "package"-a package that includes money, appearance, status, income, current success and future success opportunities. "pack".When they evaluate each other and are satisfied with each other, the phenomenon of "falling in love" occurs. M "falls in love" because she thinks she has bought a satisfactory good at her own price.But the man didn't think so. In the love market, if both parties "falling in love" feel that the goods they exchanged can make them not suffer, then it becomes a natural thing to get married and enter a marriage market. Partnership, formed a family limited company maintained by contract, and jointly operated as a partnership. Here, we want to puncture this point viciously: If people look for boyfriends or girlfriends based on conditions, social values ​​and aesthetics, rather than based on their inner feelings, then many so-called "love" all fake.It is a kind of self-deception and mutual deception after the transaction between the two parties, with the purpose of covering up that this is a naked transaction. It is precisely because this kind of transaction is neither originated from emotion nor maintained by emotion, so after a man or a woman confirms the relationship with each other, there will be a sense of loss and regrets.Therefore, as long as you meet someone with better conditions, or just for compensation, you will often cheat. People often lament emotional betrayal and derailment in today's society, and divorce is hard to prevent, but they don't know that from the beginning of their choice, today's ending is doomed.