Chapter 40 Chapter 11 Answering Readers' Questions

Overcoming yourself is by no means fighting against yourself.We are not at war with ourselves, we are fighting them by seeing what the outside world uses to control and enslave our ego, and removing them from the very fabric of our ego! ask: I think, compared to this sinister world, the more troublesome thing is myself.We may be strong enough to face anyone calmly, but we may not be able to defeat ourselves.I mean, it's really harder to beat yourself than to beat the world.Sometimes if you are lucky, you may succeed inexplicably; but to defeat yourself, there has never been a fluke. How can I overcome myself?

I know that what I lack is the so-called "action power", which has reached an extremely serious level.I once ran away from home and went to the temple to ask God for help.I also tried to learn Nietzsche's "will to power" and Chen Anzhi's so-called "success study".But nothing works!I was very confused and had a strong feeling that I couldn't wait.Please advise. answer: Thinking about asking questions is wrong.This is the misunderstanding of all those who want to "conquer themselves". What does it mean to "overcome yourself"?We regard a person who can "conquer himself" as a great strong man, who seems to have won the war with himself.But in fact, if a person fights with himself, he will definitely lose, because he will be caught in the conflict and division of himself.Overcoming yourself is by no means fighting against yourself.One of the secrets of psychological strength is the harmony of intellect and emotion, head and heart, that is, the ego is not in conflict.Really, we are not fighting ourselves, but we are fighting them by seeing what the outside world uses to control and enslave our ego, and removing them from the structure of ego!What we have to do is not to attack ourselves, but to understand the many laws that control our psychology, examine them rationally, and get rid of the fate of animals and robots that are blindly manipulated by the laws.Knowing how these laws manipulate us, you can prevent others from manipulating you.

ask: I want to be mentally strong.I get angry easily, and sometimes I know that my anger is foolish and meaningless to achieve my goals, but I can't restrain it.My emotions are very easily influenced by other people and the environment.My anger is about character.I became very irritable when I was in junior high school, and after that, I would get angry about a little thing, and as long as I was already angry psychologically, I couldn't restrain it, and I would vent it.Because of being so easily angry, I lost so much that I should have had long ago.Now I hope to get these back.But it's always easy to get out of hand.

answer: wrong.Your anger has little to do with personality, it has to do with fear.In junior high, something must have happened that psychologically put you in a state of fear.And until today, you have not found a sense of security. ask: The ancients have long said: no desire is strong.If you have desires for something, you will not be strong in that matter.like me.I am faced with a more critical question: I also want to be mentally strong, but everything is in the hands of others. Can I be strong when negotiating?The appearance is already a grandson, and the psychological strength is completely meaningless.I couldn't maintain my psychological defenses.

answer: Someone once said that in this world, there are only two kinds of people who are fearless: those who have nothing and those who have everything.Without desire, of course the mind is strong.But this is solving the problem by canceling the problem.The psychological strength of Himalayan practitioners is beyond the reach of countless people, but the vast majority of people cannot choose to practice away from "society".If everything is in the hands of others, it is not called negotiation, but waiting for others to slaughter.If not, it means that you don't know what your advantage is in the game and how to play your cards.In fact, the question is not at all whether a person has desires, but whether he can control desires and prevent them from disturbing his psychological structure.To do this is to be strong without desire.

ask: I have some weird behaviors and thoughts.Don't ignore me! (1) I often tell some meaningless lies, such as when someone asks me: Do you like green?I will say: I like blue.Although I obviously like green. (2) When the lie is discovered, I will still refuse to admit it. (3) I am obviously not interested in heterosexual relationships, but I still often pretend to be a nympho and let my friends make fun of me. (4) Although restrained very well, it is easy for me to want to compete with my friends for someone she likes or someone who likes her. (5) Extremely disgusted with hypocrisy.

(6) I don't like the general sisterhood between girls.I think that as long as you have a good heart and like-mindedness, you will be fine.Don't get tired of being together. (7) I can but do not enjoy socializing with people.People who don't vote for the smell are very cold and don't want to have a deeper relationship.But when I am with good friends, I will become a very happy person to bring the atmosphere. answer: (1) You are creating a smoke screen to prevent others from seeing your true self in order to protect yourself. (2) Of course you will not admit it, which means that your self is exposed.

(3) For you, the teasing of your friends is just an affirmation of value psychologically.You're pretending to be a nympho to prove your ability to attract and connect with the opposite sex! (4) No way, you can't tolerate people around you or people who are roughly similar to you in your bones to compare you. (5) You are an inferior person.People with low self-esteem are extremely disgusted with hypocrisy for three reasons: because people with low self-esteem also play with hypocrisy, and are afraid of seeing their own shadows from others; the hypocrisy of others creates an illusion for people with low self-esteem, which increases Dangerous factor; people with low self-esteem must imagine that they are arrogant in their bones, and one of the proofs of arrogance is their aversion to routine life.

(6) For people with low self-esteem, it is dangerous to get too close to anyone. People with low self-esteem are inherently lonely. (7) I can imagine that even when you're having fun, you know you're acting, and you're always worried about blowing it up. ask: My question is clichéd: Lovelorn!I met someone I really liked.Just like all people who fall in love for the first time, if you like someone, treat him in your own way.I told him that if one day he doesn't want to be with me anymore, just say so.Unfortunately, that day has finally arrived.When I heard that news, I felt that my whole body was emptied, and it was the first time in my life that I knew what it means to eat without taste!

Just thinking about him makes my heart ache in bits and pieces from the past, so much so that I wonder if I have angina.I cut off any contact with him.Whenever my heart hurts, I tell myself that it will get better after a long time.I must be able to forget him.But it's been two and a half years now and I still say his name at least 5 times a day.I feel that he has penetrated into my bone marrow, and it is really too difficult to completely separate him from my body.help me! answer: My theory of love may save you, if it inspires you.According to the "Bible", people were originally one (Adam), and together they were a lump of flesh. Later, this flesh was split into men and women (Eve was created from Adam's rib).Realizing that separation brings loneliness, pain, and insecurity, one longs to be reunited.

Therefore, the so-called "half of a man is a woman, and half of a woman is a man".Love became the most important means of reunification.The so-called "combination" means that men and women become a piece of flesh again psychologically.what does this mean?It means that for every man who comes into this world, there is always a woman who comes for him, and the same is true for women. Well, from the moment they set foot on this world, men and women began to look for each other.But they only have a hazy and vague impression or intuition of the other party, and they don't know exactly who the other party is.At the same time, because there are similarities between people in appearance, temperament, etc., people abstract these similarities into various types, ignoring that everyone is unique, and one person is not the same as another person at all. thing.In this way, a man or woman may think he has found his other half.However, they don't understand that they may have just found one of that type, not the real one.It's like looking for someone on the street, you may find the wrong person.This has several endings. The first is to find that you have found the wrong person, and then continue to search, maybe you can find your real destination, maybe you will never find it.Some people give up in the end and just find someone, but some people are on the road all their lives; the second is that they think that they have found the right person, but he or she finally finds that what he or she is looking for may be just one of the types he or she likes , and the person does not really belong to him or her.His or her sense of loss in the future and the betrayal of the other party will naturally tell him or her this information; the third is to find out that you have found the wrong person, but you are entangled, so you will accept your fate.Life is numb; the fourth is that two people who are looking for each other are finally lucky enough to meet.Such a couple, the happiness of a lifetime is hard to describe in words. Among the above four types of people, the proportion of the fourth type of people is very small.It can be said that most people don't know what love is all their lives.His or her loves are nothing more than psychological experiences combined with the ultimate power of sex and the search for oneness. How do you know if you're in true love?Quite simply, when both parties have a sense of "he or she is the one in my life" that doesn't fade away anytime soon, it probably does.If only one person has it, it can be concluded that for love, the other person is just a passer-by in his life.Even if you get married, it is not a union, but a complete "life task"! Since true love depends on luck and is extremely rare, when judging whether the other party is your destination, you can lower the standard of spiritual feelings, and then make up for it with family affection. ask: I know a female friend who is 37 years old, a strong woman, a "performing + possessive" person with a strong sense of morality.She married her husband when she was 20 years old. At that time, her husband's family was relatively poor (she came out to do business at the age of 15, so she had a certain amount of money), and her family opposed the marriage, but she insisted on getting married.Her husband is "moderate + recognizes social value ranking" in character.Later, his husband didn't know when he started cheating, and she forgave him when she found out.But her husband did not repent, and soon went out to cheat again, and now he is still whoring.I asked her why she didn't leave.She said fart.What is her psychology? answer: If she gets divorced, it will prove that she was blind at the beginning, her "self-worth" will completely collapse, and her life will be a complete failure!Compared with this most terrible thing, pain is just a cloud.This type of person cares about how they appear to others, not how they really feel. ask: I have feelings for people I care about.They are relatively indifferent to those who don't care much, including bosses and colleagues.When things happen, he is rarely excited and relatively calm.I am also relatively indifferent to many values ​​in society, and I am not interested in fashion and social hot spots.What is the relationship between indifference and inner strength?Is it a kind of psychological compulsion? answer: You are engaging in psychological defense.Apathy is a withdrawal or contraction of the ego, where you mentally withdraw from the dangerous outside world into the safety line to avoid possible harm.Mental strength is to see through after looking squarely, and indifference is not daring to face up to it and avoiding it.Time can heal wounds, and this principle is also used.When you distance yourself in time from the situation that hurt you, you retreat to a place of safety and, naturally, less pain. ask: Because of my family environment, I grew up with low self-esteem, cowardice, sensitivity, and no friends.After I went to university, I realized how bad I was at interacting with people. I always felt powerless to deal with interpersonal relationships. A word or an unfriendly look from others would make me tangled up all the time. It was painful!For example, one time when I was listening to a song in the dormitory, a roommate came up to me and said with disdainful eyes: "You have this taste."I can't listen to that song anymore. In fact, this classmate repeated his studies for two years before he was admitted to university, and he came from a relatively remote rural area, and his tuition was also a loan.He himself listened to some old songs, and he didn't even know about some new and good singers, but he always pretended to be tasteful and knew a lot.He also often deliberately asked us who the secretary of the municipal party committee of such and such a city is, God, who would care about that, and none of us knew, so he seemed very proud, and he despised and looked down on us. What kind of psychology is this student?And me? answer: Your classmates are a bit similar to you in psychological structure, they all have low self-esteem.However, your classmates used aggressive strategies to resolve their inferiority complex, while you retreated psychologically. ask: Why do I not have any fear of him when I meet him for the first time, I just maintain due respect for each other, but once I get in touch with him more, or he becomes my boss, I start to reject him psychologically for no reason, If you alienate him (they all have certain backgrounds and various relationships), you can't communicate normally? I basically have nothing to say to strangers, but I have nothing to say to my relatives, and they all start to annoy me! answer: When you meet for the first time, the information a person presents to you is only about appearance and identity, and he can't eat you.But after getting familiar with him, there will be more information, his identity, status, etc., will stimulate you.And these things correspond to a certain social value ranking position, these people may be ranked higher than you, of course, not to mention your boss, not only has a higher status than you, but can also threaten you with power.You succumb to social value ordering.The other person's identity threatens your psychological survival, so you can only avoid it.Home is your shelter.From your physical to your mental retreat to your family, you are safe. ask: I like a girl, but I dare not chat with her in public or under the gaze of others, or have any ambiguous behavior.But I dare when she's alone.When I chase girls, I pay attention to the eyes of others present.I failed many times because others watched and didn't dare to chase.Even if there are beautiful girls who take the initiative to hint that they like me, as long as there are other people around, I dare not take the opportunity.What's wrong with me?Please give me advice! answer: Being the center of attention is like being stripped of all your clothes for you.You can't control the situation, you can only be at the mercy of others.Even more problematic is what you do when there are people around and you think you're giving away.You feel safe psychologically only when no one is watching.My suggestion is: try to wear the sharp brother's clothes and walk on the street twice, the distance should not be less than 500 meters! ask: I used to be a teacher in an ordinary college in the inland, and now I study in a developed coastal city.I have a serious sense of inferiority complex, and my personality is very cowardly. I dare not fight against anything, and dare not offend anyone. I am cautious in front of anyone, for fear of making others unhappy and causing trouble for myself. This is related to my experience.When I was in primary school, the teacher asked me to be a class cadre because of my good grades.The concept instilled in me at that time was that being a cadre is to serve everyone.So this so-called service consciousness was deeply implanted in my mind.I please everyone, treat everyone with respect, and respond to everyone's requests.As long as others show a little dissatisfaction with me, I feel terribly uncomfortable in my heart.I think a kind of slavishness may be produced in that way. There is another experience.The high school I went to was the best middle school in the province, and I became an ordinary person there.I was the group leader at the time, and the girls in my group came here at their own expense, and they were rather unruly, so they started bullying me.Once, a girl scolded me in a low voice behind me during self-study: such a thick skin.Although she was completely unreasonable at the time, I didn't dare to argue with her.I'm afraid that everyone will see my jokes and lose face in the public.Such small things have brought about a huge change in my psychology. I began to hate myself for being weak and incompetent, and my mind became extremely defensive. When doing anything, I always think about other people's reactions first, and I am especially afraid that others will not be happy. , others embarrass me. I'm afraid of conflicting with people, it will make me sick to death.I thought about changing myself, and even quarreled with others, but when I quarreled, I was really afraid of other people's arrogance, I was afraid of others' cynicism, or even an unfriendly look from others.I tried desperately to tell myself not to care about other people, but it didn't work.I used to be so miserable that I wanted to kill myself, I felt so useless.Perhaps what I am a little bit good at is exams, and they are just exams, and I don't have any academic ability. For so many years, I have been haunted by this demon.I am not young anymore, and people from my hometown introduced me to a worker, who is honest and incompetent, and his character is not bad.I wondered if I was going to marry like this.There is a strange force in my heart that pushes me to marry her, but I really don't want to have children. I think my genes should be destroyed! answer: People without ego must parasitize on others, especially authority and idols.The first parasite we encountered was the teacher.The root of the disaster comes from here: when the teacher asked you to be a class cadre, psychologically you regarded it as a kind of trust in yourself and a kind of moral responsibility, and you were afraid that you would not be able to do it well.You didn't dare to offend people in the first place, but now, it has been rationalized and strengthened, because you please others in order to be worthy of the teacher and not cause moral anxiety.And all of this denies you.The problem is, if you do this, your cowardice will only get deeper and deeper.Although your heart does not want to please others, the power of rationalizing to please others is so powerful that you are completely powerless. This is the heart demon.In the passing of time, you kill the ego.Killing the ego creates self-hatred, because your heart is weak, but it wants to survive!You hate yourself for being so incompetent and cowardly, for not having the courage to stop others from hurting you, and even taking the initiative to hurt yourself.As a result, you take revenge on yourself.Suicide and wanting to marry a worker are means of revenge.There is so much to do.But the first thing is: in the dead of night, insist on not turning on the lights, not sleeping, not playing computer games, not watching TV, sitting alone in the dark for more than an hour, try to call out that weak self, and be with yourself Meet in the dark. ask: I remember you said that a man can have nothing, but he must have the aura of indomitable spirit.I watched some European and American movies recently, and I think so.You can look at yourself, and you can't see this temperament at all.How to cultivate this kind of masculine personality? answer: When you can use your thinking and language expression ability to explain the world in an orderly manner, you have reconstructed a world in front of others.In their psychology, it is equivalent to you manipulating the world.And no matter what they have in their hands, they are powerless in front of this world.In this way, a halo will shroud your head, which is temperament and momentum! ask: In my opinion, the reason to establish a psychological advantage and be psychologically strong is not only to resist external blows, but to a greater extent can be used to change the direction of others and even the whole thing.Don't think that intelligence alone can determine the development of things, psychological cooperation is equally important.For example, on the basis of establishing a psychological advantage, use the "gas field" to force the opponent and control the opponent's emotions; or rely on strength to lead the overall development of the event without being controlled by others. answer: You are absolutely right! ask: What I want to know is, what kind of psychology should one maintain when speaking in public? answer: The best speeches are those that are good at reading the psychology of the audience and mobilizing their emotions.If you are really not confident in your heart, then you can only use this method: at the beginning, don't look at the audience's eyes and faces, pretend to look at them but just look at them.You imagine that in front of you is a world where you are alone.That is, tell yourself that you are not speaking to a group of people.If you feel that the speech is natural and confident, then you can first glance at the audience to see their reactions and capture their attitude towards your speech. If there are signs that you are not impressed, continue to the first step above.If there are signs of being moved by you, you can look at their eyes and expressions to mobilize their emotions.In the absence of self-confidence, the first step is not to look at the audience because you are the object of their inspection at this time, and you are psychologically weak.By pretending to see them but not really seeing them, you are removing your object status; the second step is to turn you into an active subject. ask: In my opinion, only money can form the basis of psychological strength. answer: For some, yes.But for many "successful people", the road to money is the road to psychological strength! ask: The day before yesterday I went to buy fruit, the total was 18.4 yuan, and the boss paid me 50 cents directly.I was usually dissatisfied with the boss here, but instead of wiping off 40 cents for the customer, he added 10 cents instead.I was a little angry at the time.I said loudly to the boss: "Boss, isn't it 18.4 yuan?" The boss realized what was going on and pretended to say: "Well, I should pay you 1.6 yuan." "You only gave 1.5 yuan." Then the boss took it 1 cent for me.As a result, I took a look at the people around me, and they all looked at me, and regarded me as the kind of weird person who cared about me. This is how I think about it, it really doesn't matter to me what people around me think.But there is a problem, 10 cents is indeed a trivial matter, I asked the boss for this, and it was also to relieve my hatred and feel more comfortable.But on the other hand, I fail to perform, if there are people around who know me. answer: Objectively speaking, whether you vent your dissatisfaction or not, in the psychological game with your boss, you are at a disadvantage, and he is taking advantage.There are two rules of the game for the boss to ask you for less money: first, the boss takes advantage of the customer; second, the customer is fussy.It depends on how you use and interpret the fact of "making up 10 cents less" during the game when someone is present, and which game rule is activated.Note that you play a psychological game with the boss, and at the same time, it is for the audience to see.You are actors. If you say: "Boss, 18.4 yuan, not only you have to charge 40 cents, but you also charge 10 cents more, isn't it good?" Then, you have mastered the rules of the game that are beneficial to you, and it is the boss who is encroaching on customers. Cheap, the audience next to you, because they may have the same interests or potential interests as you, will naturally stand by your side, at least they will not look at you with strange eyes.But if you say "you only gave 1.5 yuan", the situation will automatically turn to the second game rule, which is you who care about everything.And the boss clearly wants to take advantage of you, but when he finds that he can't take advantage of you, he can use "carelessness" to cover up in a fair manner.When you are upset, you can indeed deal with the boss as you said.But, it's a way to tarnish your image, unless you don't care. ask: I am an accountant in my unit.In fact, the accountant is the cashier.The people in the unit had a note, and after the leader signed it, they came to me to report the money.This is work.But there are always some people who always want to ask me to borrow money.Don’t borrow it, open your mouth, afraid of offending people; borrow it, it’s nothing, the key is that I’m afraid that if there are too many borrowers, I will not be able to turn around here. In fact, the people who borrowed money from me were not without reason. They were all people from some work units who opened their own shops and stores and sold some tobacco, alcohol, stationery and so on.Our unit takes everything we use from their store and pays for it first.As for them, they often issue an invoice at the end of the year and then reimburse them.But they told me that the unit took thousands of dollars from them, and the tickets haven't been issued yet, should they pre-borrow some money or something.what should I do? answer: An ordinary but cruel psychological game!Look at what situation these people create in their favor: because you manage the money.So, you have the right to be the principal to borrow or not to borrow! Here is a rule of the game in their favor: one should be humane.With the help of this game rule, the other party can exert moral pressure on you.In the context of borrowing money, once it is used, it defines a result that is beneficial to them: if you borrow, they benefit, and you take risks; if you don't borrow, it will appear that you are too bad.This kind of game, no matter what, you lose!what to do? Re-"interpret" the facts, deconstruct the situation they want to create, and force them to play with the rules of the game that are beneficial to you.Re-"interpret" the facts with your language and facial expressions: Although the money is in your control, it is not your money. Therefore, you have no right to decide whether to borrow or not.If the other party insists that you borrow it, it will be equivalent to pushing you into a fire pit, which will harm you.You are also using the rules of the game to put moral pressure on the other party: since everyone is familiar with it, don't hurt me! ask: Sometimes a woman says to a man: "What do I want, what do I want to do." My feeling is: when the man does it, the result will be bad, and the woman will dismiss him.Sometimes a woman will say to a man from the bottom of her heart: "Wow, you are really cool, you are so handsome!" My feeling is: when the man is proud of him, the woman will say to him Disdainful, if this man goes after this woman like this, he will probably fail.But sometimes: just when a woman doesn't ask for it, a man fulfills her heart's desire, and she will be completely moved.What kind of mentality is this?Does every woman have this tendency in her heart?I feel so. answer: This is called masochism.This type of woman admires a man who is superior to her and can despise her.She is generally more self-appreciative, but her ego is not enough to make her feel how great she is.Once a man pursues her, she will look down on such a man, because this man's behavior shows that he is not so high-end, he has succumbed to her pomegranate skirt.The vast majority of women want men to be better than themselves, but not every woman has a tendency to be masochistic.Even, many women have sadistic tendencies and like to control men so that they can feel safe.A sadistic woman is full of low self-esteem and insecurities.Whereas masochistic women have a certain pride. ask: What does an abusive woman look like and how do you recognize it? answer: An abused woman does not want a man to rely on her, but wants to share the attributes of a man. For example, if a man is handsome and powerful, she feels that she also has such things.She has a layer of protective skin, because she has parasitized this man psychologically.Because of this, this type of woman is a bit arrogant, and easily looks down on men who are not very good, and also easily looks down on men who are honest. The sadistic woman wants to be superior to the man, to control the man, because only by controlling the man can she grasp the certainty and feel safe.If a man is beyond her control, her psychological world will be in turmoil.Controlling men is a prerequisite for her to gain a sense of security.There are generally two types of abusive women: one is to pretend to care about you and think of you everywhere (objectively, it seems to be thinking of you too), of course, you have to listen to her arrangements.This kind of woman sometimes may not be able to realize that she is actually abusing, just like parents do to children.It's easy to distinguish. If you talk to a girlfriend, she likes to arrange for you the clothes you wear, the food you eat, etc. One day, if you don't follow her wishes and buy something, she will There will be a sense of loss, and even blame you, which proves that she has sadistic tendencies.The other is very naked.For example, she wants to manage your money, where and when she wants you to go, and she stipulates what you should and should not do.If you don't listen, she'll make a fuss.This is sadism. ask: My psychology is kind of evil.I have a particularly strong need for sex.Very painful.I even escaped many times, but found that escaping was not the solution in the end.Of course, I know that such a strong sexual desire is not only strong in myself, but also deeply influenced by society.As long as I know a girl, unless she is too ugly, I have the urge to have sex with her.I've dated a lot of women, and a few have been attracted to me as well.But, every time I go on a date I connect it with sex, I think about what she would look like naked, I purposely look at her figure and look horny.I feel like a rogue.Such a lovely woman came here to accompany me shopping and watching movies, but I actually think so!I feel superior when possessing a woman, and when another man possesses it, I feel pain in my heart, although this is not the pain of losing a lover!what to do? answer: The only reason your sex drive is so strong is: low self-esteem and hostility towards men force you to make women, especially beautiful women, your religion, because they are not a threat to you, and even represent perfection.You need to get the ultimate care by possessing beautiful women.It's hard to really like a woman, especially if she's not beautiful.Suggestion: When you marry a wife in the future, you must marry a beautiful woman.For you, it doesn't matter whether you love her from the bottom of your heart or not, the important thing is that she is a beauty.As long as she is a beauty, you will have ultimate care, if she is not a beauty, you will have a sense of loss, and you will never be satisfied. ask: What does it mean to "destroy yourself mentally"? answer: If you want to scold me and scold me again, I will feel very uncomfortable. If I can't resist you scolding me, I will scold myself first. In this way, is it still powerful for you to scold me?When you see me like this, do you feel that you can't help me, and you are shocked by my aura?Do I have a psychological advantage in front of you?This is to destroy oneself mentally. ask: I often encounter such a person in negotiations: he starts by saying "I'm a rough person" or "Anyway, I'm over 60 and I've had enough." Then he uses his game rules, which are basically outrageous and illegal Yes, for example, "I hit the person. It's okay to call back, and you won't lose money." Disputing thousands of dollars, lawsuits are unnecessary, and administrative detention can't solve the problem.It can be said that the most humble people are invincible.I often feel unable to communicate with such people. answer: Regardless of whether these people are scum or not, acting in this play is a game strategy.Its essence is: these people have no chance of winning when playing games with you, and their intelligence and interest factors do not allow them to guess your cards, so they show their "hole cards" (whether they are true or false) first. Thus restricting your playing cards.He degrades himself morally first, and destroys himself spiritually first, but not in a humble and fearful tone, but in an arrogant and provocative tone. In this way, he has a psychological advantage, because in front of you, he is a threat.He's implying that you have to play by his rules or you could be in trouble.Their weakness is that they are afraid that you will play harder than them, which will give them a psychological shock. ask: I have a new business partner who is typically possessive.Betrayed by subordinates several times in the past, now a huge psychological barrier has been formed, extremely distrust of employees, and no power will be released, which makes subordinates extremely resentful.I tried to tell him: hold on to everything, and you won't be able to hold on to anything in the end.But in the past, things that were easy to solve by using people's nature of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages to explain the relationship between interests are useless to him now, which caused me a lot of headaches.For people with extremely stubborn mental models, how can they be changed? answer: A person who is possessive in character, once he feels that what he usually possesses is beyond his control, he will panic and have fundamental doubts about others, as if anyone is going to take away or destroy what he currently possesses. s things.If you have been betrayed, this distrust can develop to a level similar to neuroticism.People who are extremely stubborn about their mental models usually have to adopt two strategies. Persuasion is useless, because you are dealing with his solid mental structure, not his brain.The method is not for you to convince him, but for him to convince himself! One is the "return to the law", which is to act according to his temperament, let him see the consequences of his temperament, and this consequence is controllable, that is, he must stop, so as not to cause irreparable losses .Borrowing this method, let the consequences stimulate his mental structure and force him to wake up. The other is to transform his temperament into various objective things, such as a strict system.On the one hand, the system is the product of his will and is within his control; on the other hand, the system can provide his subordinates with various rules of doing things, so that they feel that what they are facing is the system, not jealousy. Extremely heavy boss. ask: Your division of people's personality types from the perspective of deep psychological motivation made me suddenly enlightened.Looking back at some of the people I've dated in the past, I'm surprised to find that almost all of them can fit in!They don't seem to be able to tell that there are obvious faults and disadvantages, but I'm always reluctant to interact with them too much.Never knew why before, but now I do.Considering it from the two levels of language and thought, there is no way to see the essence.But according to your method to explore from the depths of my heart, I suddenly understood why I have an instinctive dislike for these people. As far as my experience is concerned, I think those who can really have a brotherly friendship with you are often kind and inferior people; the acting type often does not have bad feelings with others, but they can only stay at the level of acquaintances, and it is difficult to make deep friendships; and占有型的人，不会和任何人成为真正的朋友，他们每天想的只是得到，也不会为别人操心；而攻击型的人，终其一生能交到的朋友也大多是那些和他一样的攻击型的人；炫耀型的人，看东西重于人，他们需要的是虚荣心，能满足他的虚荣心的就是朋友。 而最复杂的就是自卑者了。因为自卑者往往有很多类型，他们为了缓解自己的自卑，需要很多外在的东西作为补偿。有的自卑者依靠探究世界来生存。有的需要物质上的东西得到存在感，他们就很容易向占有型的靠拢。有的需要别人的注意力来证明自己的存在，就蜕变为表演者。有的需要虚荣心来彻底取代自己的心灵，就成为了表演型。而有的把自卑化为仇恨，通过破坏获得自己的存在感，就成了攻击型。 这个世界，是由自卑者改变的，不管是什么样的变化。其他类型的人，只是充当历史的次要角色。不知道我说得对不对？ answer: Completely correct!这是一个由自卑驱动的世界！ ask: 在我认为我应该做什么的时候，突然被人指责“你不该这样不该那样”，例如踢球的时候，被一个我所看不起的人使唤，就会突然大脑一片空白。我平时自认为心理也很强大，也经历过非常多的危险，但如果我心目中预设的“垃圾”“贱人”突然在我面前要我这样那样的时候，我就会突然空白。我的性格好像是表演型的。 answer: 准确地说，是自卑型＋表演型。你有点像自卑型中的思想者，在他人面前有智力上的优越感，而作为表演型性格的人，你能扮演好一个角色——掌控局势。但是，碰到不按规矩出牌的无赖，你就不知所措了。原因在于，你不是纯粹表演型的人，你有一个独特的自我，无法突破。它构成了你的障碍。 ask: 我看恐怖片的胆量没有我老婆的大。我当裁判的时候会因为看球而忘了鸣哨，下围棋的时候经常把烟头放进茶缸，经常丢三落四的。这是不是跟我有时候太投入角色有关？ answer: 一点都没错。你太投入自己的表演了。你忘记了自己，变成了在特定情境中表演的那个角色。记住，你在当一个演员的时候，一定也要当一个观众，同时看着自己和他人。