Chapter 10 4.It doesn't matter what the fact is, what matters is what it is like in our psychology

There is an old Chinese saying that goes, "When the world is prosperous, it is all for profit; when the world is crowded, it is all for profit."On the street, you can observe people in a hurry, most of them appear indifferent and anxious.In your spare time, you might as well imagine that you swim in the sky like a swimmer, and when you look down, you will see the flow of people rushing back and forth like ants, wriggling in all directions.What is manipulating them to go in this direction and not in that direction?It's simple, it's benefits. Seeing this, it is not difficult to understand that a person is often controlled by many laws of existence, psychology, society, etc., and most importantly, he is used and controlled by those who have mastered these laws.

You might run into two rich guys on the street and crowd around them.One of them doesn't look exaggeratedly dressed, but his face is always elegantly whitewashed with arrogance; the other is arrogant and wears a gold chain as thick as a cow's rope.Society believes that the former has an "aristocratic" demeanor, while the latter is a standard "upstart". You would obviously think that the "aristocrat" is well-bred, while the "nouveau riche" is obnoxiously vulgar.Although they all have money, they are not in the same class. Is the appearance of "nobility" really a result of literacy?That's just appearance!When looking at people, one has to analyze deep psychological motivations in order to see a person. The arrogance on the face of the "noble" is entirely a kind of psychological protection. He uses this muscle signal to tell others his "high-class" status and prevent others from despising him.And he remains elegant because he has been rich for a relatively long period of time (whether it is handed down from his ancestors or not), with the help of social and taste qualifications, his identity has been embedded in the "rich" There is no self-doubt in the "gentleman" class.That being the case, he doesn't have to tell everyone that he is rich through the vulgar way of "flaunting his wealth".

But "upstarts" are different.He hasn't finished his sweet potato shit for a few days. Although he is rich now, his poor self has been harassing him all the time. Apart from being rich, psychologically, he has not yet obtained a class belonging to the "upper class" Grade qualification certification.Therefore, what he fears most is that others will still see him as the poor man he was before.Under this kind of anxiety, he wore a gold chain as thick as a cow's rope, just like a person who suddenly won a lottery of five million and shouted frantically, "I won the lottery! I won the lottery!".He actually told everyone loudly: "Come and see, I am rich! I am no longer the poor man I used to be! Don't look down on me!"

Can the "nobles" and "upstarts" realize their psychological motives for doing so?impossible!They have been dominated by "social value ordering".It's just that, compared with the poor, this discriminatory game of dividing people into "high" and "low" is more beneficial to them. I want to emphasize here that when facing anyone or anything that makes you feel inferior, humiliated, useless, incompetent, angry, or fearful, your opponent is not others first, but the social and psychological laws that put you in such a situation .You need to be aware of how they work in your mind, to be able to preemptively defend and counter quickly when an opponent wants to use this to your disadvantage.

What I want to emphasize is that we are psychological animals. In many cases, what is the truth is not important to us, what is important is the psychological truth. It is simply too important to understand this.Why do you say that? Most people blind themselves with emotions, emotions, prejudices, desires, interests, etc.The world seen by these eyes is actually the world in our hearts, but we think that the world is really what we see. If someone says that your hometown is not beautiful, you must be very angry and insist that your hometown is beautiful.A person's hometown may be beautiful, but for most people, the truth is often: you want your hometown to be beautiful in your heart, so you insist that your hometown is beautiful, not that your hometown is really beautiful.Your judgment of your hometown has added your emotional factors, so you insist that your hometown is beautiful.

See no, a person's desire determines the setting and description of the facts.He only recognizes the fact that he sees in his heart, and refuses to recognize the fact that does not meet his wishes.If a person's relatives are dead, everyone knows this fact, but he insists that his relatives are not dead, because psychologically, he can only live in the fact in his heart and cannot accept the truth at all. fact. Therefore, when you want to persuade a person or play a game with a person, you must consider what a certain thing means to him, and simply infer from your own views on a certain thing that the other party will think so Mistakes are often made because you assume in your mind that the other person is the same person as you, or that the other person is a purely rational person.

Perhaps only the purest natural facts have nothing to do with our "self" (the "self" in quotation marks indicates the "false self", the same below - author's note), which allows us to act without any personal emotion. Responses, such as a pig not being able to walk upright, or that there is no life on Mars, do not cause any debate.But, on many issues, that's not the case.Even a scientific fact, such as the fact that humans evolved from monkeys, can irritate religious believers because it subverts the teaching that God created humans.When a believer believes in this set of teachings, you have severely hit his "self" by saying this, let alone many "social facts" mixed with value concepts and interest entanglements.

If you say "doctors have no conscience", then, sorry, all doctors want to bite you. Although you are not talking about him, he is a doctor. This occupation and identity constitute his "self". Psychologically, it means that you are talking about him. This fact (whether it is a fact or not) is what he must resist psychologically. Although Fromm told men and women in this world long ago, saying that a person is a doctor, a civil servant, a boss, or a migrant worker does not mean what kind of person he is, because that is just his occupation, his identity, Not himself.But how many people listened to it?

Sometimes it kills.There is a saying that "when a fellow countryman sees a fellow countryman, his tears are in tears". As long as two people wandering in a foreign land talk about the same place, they will immediately cry with excitement and finally find an organization!However, I believe that many people have been cheated by "folks" or have seen the ruthlessness of "folks".It is easiest to deceive the "folks". We think that the folks are the most trustworthy, or that the poor are relatively kind. It is just that we want to think so. Although two people are from the same place (country, province, city, county, depending on which "foreign land" a person is in), but have never dealt with people before, just because they are in other places, they suddenly get confused. It is very intimate, entirely because they are always "others" in other places, and "people from such and such a place" gave them a common "self".He fell into the trap of the "villager" because this "self" blinded his eyes.But if both of them are local, this common "self" disappears.Two Cantonese are in Beijing, and "Cantonese" constitute their "self".But if they are all in Guangzhou, one is from Zhanjiang and the other is from Shaoguan, the "self" of "Cantonese" is meaningless to them unless they are compared with people from other provinces, and they will be compared with other people. Zhanjiang people, Shaoguan people are looking for a common "self", and so on.

"People from ×× place" can constitute your "self", but your friends, your relatives, people you worship, a national flag, a land god, etc. can also constitute your "self".Then there is a strange question, how much weight do these "selfs" of yours occupy in your psychological structure?That is, when they clash, whose side are you on? Take the conflict between your fellow countrymen and your friends, for example.The two people first clashed verbally, and then slashed at each other with knives.You can't mediate, and you have to choose whose side you're on, so who do you help?

The situation is obvious.Unless this "citizen" is also your friend, you can't help him, because in your heart, the "self" associated with him does not have as much weight as the "self" associated with your friend. However, if it is a vendetta between countries or ethnic groups, the situation is often reversed.There is a very well-made TV series called "Snow Leopard", which illustrates this truth: a very good Chinese and a very good Japanese are studying special operations in Germany. They are both classmates and friends.However, after Japan invaded China, they immediately became enemies.The "self" associated with the country and the nation is far more important than the "self" associated with friends, because the former is a "big self" tied to human dignity. Just like this, it is very easy for political propaganda, commercial marketing, and media hype to detonate the carnival of "the masses", "consumers" and "readers", vigorously stimulate those things that constitute your "self", and let you enter a bureau, a The psychological situation does.Seeing yourself as the embodiment of "freedom and democracy" and describing the other party as the devil of "dictatorship" is far more appealing than shouting a few "justice" slogans, and can recruit a group of "cannon fodder" who will never change ". It is inevitable that people will eventually die, but people do not live to die.To live, not to die, this is the first iron law of life instinct. The same is true psychologically, people also have to survive psychologically.It is the first iron law of the mind.Knowing this iron law, we have the code to decipher almost everything human beings say and do. In movies and TV shows, you must have seen some hooligans swearing in front of eminent monks, pointing their hands to the noses of eminent monks, but the eminent monks didn’t even look at them, and he would beat the hooligans until they did something a few times. Looking for teeth all over the place. Why are eminent monks not angry at all?It's very simple, the fact that the hooligans provoked and humiliated him was of course seen by him, but it didn't exist in his mind.He already has enough rationality to see through the meaninglessness and vanity of the hooligan's behavior.What does not exist psychologically does not arouse a person's psychological and behavioral responses.However, for us ordinary people, the behavior of hooligans immediately constitutes a psychological fact, thus threatening our psychological survival.In order to maintain our psychological survival, emotions immediately control us to react to his behavior and teach him a lesson. There are often such scenes in movies and TV shows: In a certain market, a group of hooligans appeared, showing off their power and molesting good women.Suddenly, a hero descended from the sky, the hero saved the beauty, and beat the ruffians until they howled.The leader of the hooligans picked up his life and was about to run. At the same time, he assumed a pose (posture), turned his head and pointed at the hero and shouted: "You wait!" The hooligans do this to maintain their own psychological survival.Being beaten to the ground by a hero made him very embarrassed.In order for himself to survive psychologically, he had to pretend and mentally deny the fact that he couldn't be a hero.Threatening the hero made him find his "self" again. The power of psychological survival is far beyond our imagination.Sometimes, a person would rather die in order to allow himself to live psychologically.Why is the revolutionary soldier Liu Hulan not afraid of death under the butcher knife of the Kuomintang reactionaries?It is because telling her to betray her faith is more uncomfortable than killing her.The reason why a person regards psychological existence as a God to be obeyed is because he fears not only that "I" does not exist, but also that "I" has no value. First, we are a kind of existence in this world. If we cannot prove our existence psychologically, anxiety and fear will engulf us.Ignoring a person's existence is not only impolite, but also hostile. Second, just as it is not enough to have enough food, we also need to eat well, just as proving our existence is not enough, we also need to prove psychologically that we have value and survive well.This means that we must put our existence and that of others into the ranking of social values ​​through comparison with others.If we are inferior to others, we are also in danger of being nihilized, and anxiety and fear never let us go.