Chapter 8 Chapter 7 The Psychological Home

Back to Marcuse: why is it so easy for a person to be washed into a "one-dimensional person"—to become a psycho-animal? Earlier, I have already talked about the relationship between a person's brain, psychology and the world. Let's go ahead and unravel the secret. Remember the "river of existentialism" I described in ? Whether you have been in the river or not, it is clear: we have to use our brains, minds, and the outside world to deal with-whether this "outside world" is a person, a thing, or the entire society. If a person's brain, psychology and the outside world can't deal with each other, can you imagine who he is?

You will definitely blurt out: "Vegetative!" That is to say, although the person is still alive, the functions of the brain and psychology have been scrapped. I have to admire the scientific workers who coined the term "vegetative person", which is indeed vivid. But I still want to ask: a. If a person's brain and mind are only weakly connected with the outside world, that is to say, the brain and mind functions are still there, but they are almost useless, who is he? b. If a person's brain and mind are in this state at the same time when they are in contact with the outside world, that is to say, the brain and mind also influence each other. In many cases, what he "sees" and "understands" is only What he wants to believe in his heart, and what he experiences in his heart are just things he imagined in his brain?Who is he?

c. Also, what if one could "see" and "intuit" the truth of the world?Who is he? Too esoteric, too abstract, right?Don't be nervous, I will analyze them one by one below. Now, let me answer question a. When a person's brain and mind have this relationship with the world, he may be a severe mental patient, that is, a lunatic, and he may also be a born idiot. Let's examine the madman first. What does it mean to say a person is crazy?He can't tell reality, what's right and what's wrong, what's shame and what's dignity, right?Why is he unable to discern reality?

When Mr. Fromm talked about the lunatics, he said that they were a group of "people who defend themselves", but the pressure and blow from the outside world were too great for them to bear, and they failed in the "long march to defend themselves". Teacher Fu's words are worth listening to.In reality, many of the lunatics we see are not really bad people, but collapsed because they couldn't bear all kinds of pressure and blows. What I want to add is: A person who becomes a lunatic under pressure and blows is not only weak in mind, but also tends to have one-sided thinking, suspected of being "one-dimensional".

After a pause, Mr. Fromm said again: In this world, what is really strange is not why some people go crazy, but why many people don't. But it's not surprising. The truth is: a man does not go mad because he escapes by psychological perversion.Or, he gained asylum by joining a certain group by playing the same as everyone else-a rule of the game in society is to regard many people as "normal" playing the same, so as long as everyone falls into "collective neurosis" , then avoid the "individual neurosis", everyone is crazy, then everyone is normal! The world seems unfair.Mentally ill people are often not bad people.And people with neurosis, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety disorder, are often good people with a sense of morality, and they often don't want to give up themselves-these two kinds of people always attack themselves.

In contrast, most of those scumbags do not suffer from mental illness or neurosis, but psychopaths and personality disorder patients, and their attacks must be others, which is really depressing. Psychologically, how to understand a madman, a neurotic, a psychopath? Let me talk about the madman first.What makes a person miserable is that he has a conscious "self" and confronts the "world".When the "self" is extremely weak and the "world" is extremely strong, a lunatic draws fire from the bottom of the pot in a mental tear, erases the "world" in his consciousness, and only lives in the world of the "self".

(Reminder, "self", what is the real self, what is the false "self", what does it do, I have already analyzed it in the focus, so I will not copy myself here, I assume you have understood What does it mean.) When a person becomes a lunatic, he cannot bear the pressure and blow of the outside world, stops playing with this world, and retreats completely to his own world. Similarly, when we understand a neurotic patient, we still have to start with the confrontation of "self-world". When there is a conflict between the "self" and the "world", neurotic patients do not use the "self" to hate and attack the "world" because of their moral sense, but use their moral sense (the so-called "superego") to blame themselves , Attack yourself.Why is it easy for a person to have psychological problems and neurosis?Because he always finds his own reasons, is always afraid of offending others, sorry for others, and blames himself for everything!

A person who has psychological problems and is prone to neurosis must have fear behind his back and must have a strong sense of morality!There are conflicts in his heart all the time: fear and sense of morality make him take responsibility on himself, but he is unwilling to repress and sacrifice himself. On the contrary, when the "self" and the "world" are in conflict, a psychopath forgets any adherence to the "self" or moral examination, and instinctively hates and attacks the "world" in order to obtain psychological survival .If you ask this kind of person to examine his self, it is tantamount to killing him, because if he does, he will hear the voice of humanity that has been stifled in his heart.

They also have conflicts in their hearts, but the way to resolve this conflict is not to attack themselves, but to immediately hate and attack others, so as to quickly forget the "self". Back to the subject of madmen. What do we mean when we say a person is "broken"? Obviously, this is just a literary description.The description of psychoanalysis is: he was originally conscious, and he could realize the difference between his "self" and the "world" in his mind, and knew himself and others, so psychologically, he could respond to the "world", Being able to experience the world's stimulation (pressure, blow) to him, being able to realize the things that hit him, and experiencing pain psychologically, and "collapsing" means that the function of his mind is about to be scrapped. The structure is chaotic, so when the world stimulates him, his consciousness is very weak. At the same time, psychologically, it is extremely difficult to experience the pain caused by the stimulation of the world.

Do you see it?When a person becomes a lunatic, he actually pushes his psychological protection to the extreme, protecting himself by not playing with the world mentally and psychologically, similar to how a person escapes pain by committing suicide! Nietzsche once asked some people sharply: "In order not to make a man look lewd when he looks at a woman, do you have to gouge out his eyes?" This is when the bath water is splashed, and the child is thrown away.Unfortunately, and sympathetically, some people have become lunatics when it comes to eliminating pain. But it's all over?The world is quiet?No!

As you have seen, a madman is not a vegetable, and his mind is still weakly connected to the world.Therefore, in most cases, due to the chaotic structure of consciousness, he will not respond to external stimuli, or respond improperly. For example, if you scold him, he may not respond or grin at you.However, if your stimulus, or the stimulus of something else, matches the psychological background before he went mad, big trouble will come. This kind of big trouble is that either he will burst out in an instant, screaming and screaming uncontrollably, or he will suddenly jump up and slash anyone he sees on the street with a knife. Don't tell me that such things are rare today and can be ignored. Why would a madman do this? We already know that before a person goes crazy, he deals with the world with his mind, psychology, and endures various pressures and blows.After he went mad, his consciousness was in a state of chaos, he couldn't realize these things, and he couldn't experience the pain of mental tearing anymore. However, Mr. Freud told us that as long as the event happened psychologically, it will never disappear-he just can't realize it, can't experience it.But the events that tore a man apart, the situations that drove him mad, still existed as a psychological background, still dominating him in the darkness! So whenever a madman re-experiences those psychic events, re-enters the situation that caused him pain in the first place, he must arouse great fear.Because it was because he couldn't bear those events that he went crazy! Furthermore, if certain external situations stimulate his brain and psychological structure through his vision, tentacles, sensory perception, etc., and evoke his terrible memories, he will immediately react strongly, and often Aggressive reactions, because aggression was the antidote to his great fear! Therefore, I have a suggestion: When you see a lunatic or a "crazy + homeless" person, you should be alert at the first time, and have a defense that you should run if he has any aggressive behavior; at the same time , if he sees you, then, don't stare at him, and don't exaggerate when you speak or play actions, silence is best! Now, let's talk about born idiots. A natural idiot is one whose self-awareness has not been developed. Basically, it can be considered that he lacks the ability to deal with the world with his mind, and there is no "self-world". Therefore, psychologically, it is difficult to experience any real stimulation. come the pain. He just relies on instinct, and the blind force in his psychological structure to drive himself to respond to the world.That is to say, basically, his mind and psychology have nothing to do with this world, only a piece of meat is related to this world. So, he was never confused, never in pain.Of course, if you hit him, he will hurt, this is an instinctive physiological reaction.Pain is a kind of physiological protection, indicating danger. Just because a natural idiot is different from a lunatic, he basically lacks the ability to connect with the real world in his mind and psychology from the very beginning, so of course he does not live with a psychological background.Therefore, in terms of psychological structure, there is no blind force to make them do any weird behaviors, let alone suddenly chasing people down the street with a knife. Natural idiots are human tears.Here, we would like to express our strong condemnation and contempt for those who amuse them and laugh at them. Psychologically, what does it mean to laugh at a born idiot?In fact, this exposed the cowardice of these people!Because born idiots have only a weak connection with the world mentally and psychologically, and lack the "device" to defend and counterattack against external injuries, they are almost slaughtered by others, laughing at those who make fun of them, when they get perverted pleasure , can have the greatest sense of security. So, trust me, a person who jokes about a natural idiot is either a low-class scum, or a "good guy" who has resigned himself to his fate, or a clown who has failed miserably! Our method is to first examine the relationship between the human mind, psychology and the world from the two extremes, and then examine the "normal person" who is in the middle. Now that we have finished examining lunatics and natural idiots, it is the turn of those religious hermits and classical philosophers who "jump out of the three realms and are not in the five elements" to appear on the stage. In , you already know that religious hermits and classical philosophers belong to the fifth level, the highest level, in terms of psychological strength. Theoretically, we believe that they have touched the truth of the world, and all the disturbances in the world are resolved one by one by their ultimate belief or powerful rational ability.In the words of Comrade Heidegger, the master of existentialism and the most successful "Phoenix Man" in history, they have "clarified" their existence. It is difficult for us ordinary people to reach this state.To be honest, it doesn't really need to be achieved. But these two people are still somewhat different. Imagine when you are at your happiest, in that situation, do you remember your 'self', are you experiencing your 'self'? Absolutely not?right? Quite simply, you are totally in that happy situation.In this situation, your whole being is involved, and there is no longer a dual structure of "self-world" in the way.That is to say, in your consciousness structure, the self and the world as "subject" and "object" have disappeared, and all you have is a very cool experience. What does it mean?You may feel that you can't understand it, but it's not complicated. Having a dual structure of "self-world" means that under normal circumstances, we carry a "self" to think and feel the "world" with our mind or psychology.For example, in Mr. Chekhov’s novel, the policeman Ochumelov wondered whether that dog belonged to General Sigalov’s family? At this time, sir (Mr.) is a "subject" who uses his "self" to think and feel, and that dog is the object that his "self" thinks and feels, that is, the "object". What if the dual structure of "self-world" is broken?This means that there is no conscious distance between the O brothers and the dog.At this time, people are dogs, dogs are people, and humans and dogs are one, similar to "heaven and man are one." Buddhism, as well as some spiritual theories, call the state of "unity of man and nature" "pure consciousness", that is, there is only consciousness itself, without the object of consciousness.The truth of the world, bliss, is open to you, and you, as an entity, do not exist in your consciousness, you are "selfless". You will definitely say: This still seems very mysterious and mysterious! But let me tell you, there is nothing mysterious or mysterious.To use the theory of psychoanalysis to describe it, once you are in that state, you will enter the state of "unconsciousness" in your mind, and psychologically, your feelings and touch of the world will no longer pass through your mind, but directly with you. The world is one.Therefore, what you touch psychologically is the truth of the world. Playing like this is actually the simplest principle mentioned by psychoanalysis: calling the unconscious into consciousness.Teacher Fromm said: "The unconscious is the whole man minus his social part. Consciousness represents the social man, the limitations imposed by the historical situation into which the individual is accidentally thrown. The unconscious represents the universal man, the It represents the whole man rooted in the whole universe; it represents the plant in him, the animal in him, the spirit in him; it represents the whole past of man until the beginning of man's birth, it represents the whole future of man until he is fully fulfilled. To be human—then nature will be 'humanized' and man will be 'naturalized'." To be honest, if a person doesn't know a little bit of psychoanalysis and philosophy, and his thinking can't keep up, Mr. Fu's words must be incomprehensible, like a bible. But we just need to know this: we ordinary people use our limited consciousness to deal with the world, and consciousness, as Mr. Freud said, is just the tip of the iceberg exposed to the sea. What you have come to, in the boundless darkness. This is already pitiful enough, but what is even more pitiful is that many of the things we are aware of are actually things that many people - such as rulers - make us aware of for their benefit, and not in their interest , they must have many ways to keep us from realizing it. But if this continues, there will be a lot of words, so I will stop. We may assume, compared with us, theoretically, that religious hermits, those who are superior, break through this limitation.Through their practice, the darkness of unconsciousness is illuminated. I believe that you must have a question here: If religious hermits are all "no-self", does he still have a "self"?Because it is really hard to imagine that a person, not a robot, does not have a psychological function such as "self" to support his existence. This is what we want to clarify: No matter how mysterious the theory of "selflessness" is, "no self" never means that there is no psychological function such as "self", but only means that a person's "self" ", when it is used to maintain his psychological existence, it is already "empty". "Empty" means this: a person has cleared away those things that were originally incorporated into the psychological structure and constituted his false "self", such as physical characteristics, values, social status, etc. Then, such a person no longer needs to play psychological competition with others, and has already seen through the ranking of social values. The "self" has only the most primitive, basic and non-alienated function to support his existence, just as no matter how he cultivates, he still has the instinct to survive. This is the correct description of "no-self"! This is the relationship of the religious hermit to the world, mentally and psychologically, what about the classical philosophers? They are easy to understand, and they never play any mystery. The rationality of classical philosophers is very developed. In his mind, he can see the truth of the world through numerous fogs and illusions, that is to say, the logical structure on which his mind thinks, and the existence and operation of the world that govern it. His objective logical structure is isomorphic; at the same time, all this is transmitted to his psychological structure, and psychologically, his entire existence is firmly combined with the unchanging laws of this world.He is no longer an insignificant speck of dust in the world, a passing passerby. Therefore, like religious hermits, they can see through life and death! Next, we are going to uncover the relationship between "normal people" in mind, psychology and the world. First look at a joke on Weibo. What I saw was this version: At the gate of Peking University, the security guard asked a professor: Who are you?from where?Where are you going? The joke said that the security guard asked three ultimate philosophical questions, more like a philosopher than a professor.I would like to add: It would be even better if he followed Kant's example and turned these three questions into "what is a human being?" Although it is likely to be regarded as a neurosis by the professor. Of course, this is just a joke. It is played by taking advantage of the similarity in language between these three questions and philosophical questions. The purpose is obviously not to laugh at Comrade Security, but to ridicule some universities today. Thinner" and then evolved to "beast calling", which is another big topic), the level is worse than that of security guards. Here I use language analysis to clarify that the security guard's "who are you" asks about a person's specific identity (are you a teacher in this school), while philosophy asks about a person's self, his unique existence ( What makes you different from other people and what best represents you as you). The security guard's "Where are you from" asks about the geographical location of a person, which city, which region, etc., while philosophy asks about a person's initial existence, his spiritual starting point. The security guard's "Where are you going" asks about the specific geographical location or building site, while the philosophy asks about what kind of person you want to become and what you want to get spiritually. Yes, philosophy is too abstract in comparison to be fun for most people. But if you think that these three philosophical issues have nothing to do with you and are too far away from you, then you are wrong. Just as everyone can be a psychologist, everyone can be a philosopher.Mental problems happen to you, and philosophy is your life. Whether we want to or not, these three questions are affecting our whole life, and what we want to do or don’t want to do in our life is precisely the answer to these three questions!Philosophers are definitely not as boring as ordinary people imagine. They have pinpointed the key points of life before they bother to think about these issues. In fact, questions such as "who are you" are philosophical questions, but philosophers have raised the questions of life to the height of philosophy in order to see them more clearly, just like occupying a commanding height in wisdom, from the sky to the sky. Look at the same, in addition to this, there is nothing else. For example, as the saying goes, "Men are afraid of entering the wrong profession, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man."Why do you get into the wrong place and marry the wrong one?This cannot be explained by saying "I'm blind". If a person makes such a stupid mistake and doesn't know how to reflect on what he wants and what he can do, I can only express my speechlessness. I want to put it a bit harshly: If we think that there is no question of "who are you", "where are you from" and "where are you going", then I'm sorry, when we deal with this world and others, in our minds If you don't have much insight in psychology, you can only let some serious consequences that could have been avoided or controlled happen! The relationship between the mind, psychology and the world of our "normal people" is hidden in the ultimate questioning of "where are you from" and "where are you going". Let me transcribe the classic biblical account of human origin—philosophically, "Where did you come from?"Many people have done this. The "Bible" says: Once upon a time, in God's Garden of Eden, human ancestors lived in harmony with nature.Later, the snake lured Eve to steal the fruit from the tree of knowledge, and Eve gave it to her husband Adam to eat.Then the eyes of the two of them were opened, and they saw themselves naked, and felt ashamed. God knows they were very angry after what they did.When God got angry, the consequences were of course very serious, and they were driven out of the Garden of Eden.Moreover, God also punished them. Men have to work hard for food from the ground all their lives, and women have to bear the pain of childbirth. After the story has been transcribed, it's time for us to analyze the mystery inside. Fromm told us: Psychologically, where do people most want to go after being driven out of the Garden of Eden?I want to go back to the Garden of Eden the most! Because people have seemingly endless pain in the world, but there is so much happiness in the Garden of Eden.When we were young, we all had the great ideal of realizing communism and imagined the happy life of communism. However, the good life of communism, in theory—everything is only in theory—is still incomparable with the Garden of Eden, after all, it is just a paradise on earth.People are still people, they still have self-awareness, desires, and desires that are hard to fill, so there is always pain, and people can realize it; besides, people are always mortal, unlike gods who can not die, this is the greatest pain. Therefore, in fact, in terms of the attraction of relieving pain, there is nothing that can compare with the heaven mentioned by religion.Man's longing to return to the Garden of Eden is eternal. Of course, this statement in the Bible is just a religious metaphor and a literary rhetoric.The real situation is: when we are just born, we are just developing physically and psychologically, and we don't have a "self" yet, so we don't have "self-awareness".And mother is our whole world.Therefore, just like Adam and Eve, we have no concept of good, evil, shame, etc., nor do we feel any pain. And after we have "self-awareness", the mother is no longer our whole world, and that sense of security can no longer be found, just like Adam and Eve ate the fruit and "brightened" their eyes. Thus, life began, and pain began. After coming out of the Garden of Eden, you can't stand the pain and want to go back?God regrets it: no. The "Bible" says that there is no going back, and there are two gods with flaming swords blocking the "way home" of human beings. It is really impossible to go back.In this world, there is an iron psychological law: Wherever you come from, you can never go back to where. why?Because when you start from a certain place, it is a certain psychological state, and after you have experienced many things, the psychological structure has changed, and what you experience cannot be the original thing, so you will never return to the original state of mind. More importantly, since a person already has a "forward" direction after starting from the original place, he is actually unwilling to ask him to go back, because the "front" and "future" are always moving toward him. wave.Those who want to go back are those who have been frustrated and injured in reality. The essence of "going back" is not that he really wants to go back, but that he has lost confidence or wants to heal his wounds! This iron psychological law applies to "reconciliation" in love, marriage and friendship. In order to build a harmonious society, I am of course very much in favor of the "reconciliation" between two people, but I would like to remind: When you want to turn back, please think clearly, is this something you have no hesitation or is there no way?Do you have no expectations or dare not have expectations for a good next door in the future?Do you have regrets or show tears about going back? Note, I'm going to talk about something very substantive, please give yourself a little patience. The ancient Chinese once said that "the chaos has not yet opened".When a person's consciousness is in chaos, it is roughly equivalent to being in an animal state.In the words of philosophy, a person is not separated from the world spiritually, he is still a part of the world. We know that man descends from monkeys—biologically, he descends from animals. But what about the philosophical and psychological significance?In fact, it is equivalent to the fact that human beings come from the state of animals. When a person has "self-awareness", everything is different.Although his lump of flesh is still a part of nature, governed by the natural laws of birth, old age, sickness and death, it has already surpassed nature spiritually.He exists, which is equivalent to excitedly saying to the world: "I have an intellectual structure, a psychological structure, and I am coming to play with you!" When we were young, we all longed to grow up. The deep psychological motivation is actually to play with the world. This appearance is very different from animals like pigs, which are still sleeping in nature.Only if you kill it, it will have physical pain.It's not like a lot of psychological pain in people who use their "self" to talk to the world. Since man has come from animals in a philosophical and psychological sense, where does he want to go? to God! Why go to God? Because after starting from animals, people continue to grow spiritually.He is aware of his own limitations and knows he is going to die. This is simply a shortcoming!It's so tragic.Therefore, he has a strong drive to go beyond this limitation, to be free, to live forever, to never die. God represents this ultimate state. It is a bad tradition of the Chinese nation to practice Taoism in order to become a god.Mr. Zhou Shuren said, "China is rooted in Taoism. Reading history based on this, there are many problems that can be easily solved."It's Lu Xun's old man with blazing eyes. However, it is a delusion for a man to become a god, a dream that is doomed to be shattered. The answer is cruel, because no matter how developed a person is spiritually, he will always be a lump of flesh subject to the laws of nature. That is to say, even though he starts from the animals and walks towards God, he will never reach God. Therefore, God is actually just a psychological fiction. If there is, it is pure art! Man can actually only be caught between animals and gods! Nietzsche saw what man is in this world: "a bridge"—a bridge between beasts and gods. Speaking of which, I would like to ask, why do women especially like to dress themselves up with cosmetics and high-end clothes? I want to tell everyone that "beauty" and "men like" are just superficial explanations.The truth is this: We try so hard to hide that we are mortal, because mortal means humble, limited, small. Cosmetics and high-end clothes are created by humans, but to beautify humans, they are like creations of gods, so charming, so inconceivable—this is our desire to get rid of the limited state of humans. projection! Caught between animals and gods, in this sinister world, the psychological fabric of man is constantly being battered.this is a big problem. Therefore, under this big problem, a series of psychological problems arise.The secret of psychology lies in human existence. The first solution that many people adopt is to "step back," to mentally go back to childhood.One word - withdrawal.Of course, no one can really go back.What happens here is just a person's inner activities. And we can decipher it. For example, why does a person who grew up in the countryside miss his hometown so much while floating outside?Why do people who say they love their hometown are not people who have always lived in their hometown?Why does a person who has been abroad for many years feel a serious sense of loss when he returns to his hometown and sees that many things have changed? Are they hypocritical?Is it because they like to mourn spring and autumn?No. The situation is this: the village or small town where a person was born and raised in a society of acquaintances is equivalent to where he started from.No matter whether he had family misfortune or not in his childhood, the mountains, rivers, waters, plants and trees of his hometown, and interpersonal communication can give him the most primitive sense of security and care.That is to say, in his childhood, when his ego was developing, everything in his hometown, with the original sense of security and care, was embedded in the depths of his psychological structure, forming his true self. He has never been able to get it since. Therefore, throughout his life, whenever he was outside, the hometown called to him like God's Eden.He loves his hometown, which is actually an infinite nostalgia for his true self in anxiety. And when he returned to his hometown after many years and saw everything changed, the reason why he felt a serious sense of loss was because the situation that entered his true self at the beginning was no longer there, because he could not return psychologically. To childhood, so as long as the childhood situation is gone, his original self will completely disappear.His loss is actually the loss of not being able to find his original self again! What a sad thing.Human existence itself is a sad song. And the reason why we complain that our hometown has changed beyond recognition is actually because we have changed beyond recognition! I want to say how important it is to have a growth environment with the most primitive sense of security and care.I always think that a child who grew up in a city from birth, especially in a big city, has already cut off the connection with nature, and it is difficult to get the most primitive sense of security and care.Psychologically, this is equivalent to losing the "root". Since birth, he has been a person in the "society" and has been nurtured by the training of modern "civilization". He is not strong in psychological resistance. of. Therefore, I would like to suggest that if you have the conditions, let the child live in the countryside for a period of time between the ages of 3 and 7, or take the child to the countryside on a regular basis, so that he can feel everything about nature. is very necessary.As for him after the age of 7, there is no need, because in terms of psychological structure, he has already packed too much urban "civilization" content. Speaking of which, I want to tell you a secret, no matter how high and powerful a person is, no matter how majestic or pretentious he appears, as long as he grows up in a society of acquaintances such as rural areas or small towns, the language he learned from his hometown when he was a child , habits, such as two bad words, showing a certain gesture, as long as he doesn't keep pretending a little bit, or there is a situation that can make him relax, maybe he will show it.His decades of training in officialdom, shopping malls, and pretending to be "civilized society" in big cities are vulnerable to these languages ​​and habits! There are too many ways in which one can "fall back".Like missing my hometown, it is just a slight attempt to retreat psychologically and find a kind of comfort. Behind this is helplessness and bitterness. Some people retreat and adopt the strategy of psychologically refusing to grow up and coping with the adult world independently. "Eating the old" is not only about money, but also about psychology.A person who is used to "gnawing on the old" always has the urge to go back to childhood when "everything is done by parents". There is an interesting psychological strategy of going back, that is, both men and women pretend to be cute and cute. What is so strange about men playing like this?I want to tell "silly, innocent" girls, if you see a man playing like this, be careful. This type of man, or lacks a sense of grasp and control over reality, can't handle things like cars, houses, etc. that are used to attract women and improve their social value.So what to do?The way is to pretend to be tender, use these poses to imply yourself, and experience yourself psychologically as a little kid who doesn't need to think about these issues. Or, they are prey prey disguised with dastardly designs behind them.Because by playing like this, psychologically you are implied to experience him as a man without complex social experience, or to arouse your motherhood.You are psychologically disarmed. How about women acting cute and pretending to be cute? One possibility is anxiety about starting to age.在语言、动作、姿态上表现得像一个天真少女，就是在心理上告诉自己还年轻。 另一种可能性，则是一种博弈的策略。在公司里如果这样玩，就是利用一种道德压力防止别人伤害自己：你忍心欺负一个小姑娘吗？在男人面前这样玩，是在暗示自己的纯洁。 只不过非常不幸，在公司里这样玩，对自己的杀伤力太大了，因为这等于告诉大家你没有能力，而很多人在利益面前，在伤害别人时并不是下不了手。而在男人面前这样玩，成功的前提是：或者这个男人是个傻瓜，或者，你的确没有复杂的故事。 前面这些“退回去”的方式具有个体特征，但有些退回去的方式，就需要一帮人来干。 就“退回去”的原理，我想来看一下，一些公司的管理，聪明和愚蠢在哪儿。 当年，我发现所在的单位经常有人喜欢在领导面前说同事的坏话，搞告密的革命工作。我本人也不幸中枪——事实上，我这类特立独行的人不中枪，谁来中枪？ 有一次，我愤怒了，遂找到领导，痛斥这类从事地下工作的同志们，说他们这样干纯粹是污蔑，破坏同事间的团结友爱。 但领导微微一笑，对我的控诉不屑一顾：“人家只是反映情况嘛。” 我再白痴，也被这句话击醒了。 我懂了，领导其实很喜欢搞告密工作的同志们。这不只是他们想享受有人拍马的快感，人都好这一口，而那些告密的地下工作者在这方面特别擅长。不，他们喜欢这些同志，更重要的是出于革命工作的考虑，是一种管理的需要，一种对员工的控制。 想一想，如果下面一大帮人，他们做什么领导都不知道，即领导和员工的信息并不对称，他如何能够在心理上感觉到可以控制下面的人？有信息封锁，权力就有瘫痪的危险。所以他需要“耳目”，来让他知道下面的人在想什么、在做什么。 告密者之所以有市场，钻的正是“管理的需要”这个漏洞。不是他们真有什么本事，是领导需要他们，他们才玩得转。 如何对付一个告密者呢？我原来跑到领导那儿去控诉的做法是最愚蠢的，因为对于领导来说，真正重要的并不是谁被说了坏话，以及说的是不是真的，而是这一点：下面这帮人，是分裂的、各怀鬼胎的，还是结成同盟？ 专制统治者，最害怕的就是民众铁板一块，而且做什么他们都不知道，所以一定要让民众之间处于分裂和狗咬狗的状态。其实任何一个庞大的机构，比如公司，都是如此，底下的员工斗来斗去，是经理老板们最希望看到的。 要对付告密者，我们得知道他们的软肋在哪儿。他们只敢玩阴的对不对？很好，那说明他们有恐惧，说明他们混得如何，主要就是看领导对于告密的奖赏，而他们的告密之所以得到奖赏，恰恰就是你和其他中枪的人在领导面前信息不透明！ 而不透明，就难以被信任。 所以就两招：一招，用另外的游戏规则玩他，比如表现出你是一个狠角色；另一招，用他的游戏规则陪他玩，而且比他更狠，主动在领导面前信息透明。如何操作是你的事了，我只是从心理分析上为你揭示秘密，不是厚黑大师。 无论是专制统治者，还是一家公司，乐见民众、员工斗来斗去，自然从权力控制上看有利于自己的统治和管理，但我想说，这其实也是自杀。 当一个人在一家公司工作时，如果他面对的是一个不友好的群体，随时要防御别人对自己的暗算，这家公司就别指望员工能有多大的忠诚度，别指望除了钱之外还有谁帮你卖命或渡过眼下难关，因为一切无非就是出卖劳动力拿钱而已，他只是暂时忍受。 但如果老板看起来很有人情味，员工们是一个团结、和谐的整体呢？那吸引力真的太大了，因为这满足了一个人“退回”到没有和他面前的世界分裂的那种状态，他在心理上真正成了群体的一部分，恍如“回家”。 换言之，给出一个其乐融融的群体，对于个人来说，其实是一种招魂机制。 如果我说，一个人玩同性恋是在心理上“退回去”，你一定会觉得奇怪。 但真的不奇怪。 我们先来看弗洛伊德老师是怎么说的。 他说，男同性恋其实是这样产生的：一个男人在“恋母情结”的作用下对母亲的固恋时间很长，也过分强烈，摆脱不了。问题是他已经长大了，在心理上还让自己意识到固恋母亲，是有罪恶感的。 what to do?有一个办法，寻找一个替身。 “代替性满足”“补偿性满足”是人类最喜欢干的事情。于是，他在青春期结束后，玩了这样一招，把自己看成是母亲，即在心理上相当于自己是母亲，然后呢，寻找一个对象，来取代他的自我，并把原来从母亲那儿所体验到的爱和关怀，给予了这个取代自己的自我的男人。于是，就有同性恋了。 同性恋，本质其实还是异性恋，是一个男人对自己母亲的爱恋。正是这样，同性恋克服了同性之间本能的恶心。 这样的解释，真是惊世骇俗，而且实在很难理解、很难想象。在刚看到这个理论的时候，我一直搞不懂，始终保持着强烈的质疑。 但后来我明白了，这样讲还是有点道理的。 对于自己的理论，弗老师没有解释，下面我就帮他解释一下。 当一个人在心理上无法离开母亲温暖的怀抱，世界对于他是陌生和危险的，他骨子里在别的女人面前没有安全感，而他需要的，是安全感，不是爱。 所以，他无法唤起对异性的爱，异性之间的爱恋只能让他感到恐惧。 那么对同性的爱就有安全感吗？nor. 我不知道你从我前面所说的是否看到了这一点：有些人缺乏爱的能力？ 他习惯了享受被爱。他不想走出从对母亲的固恋里得到的一切。也就是说，他一定要保持“母亲-我”这样固恋的关系不变。 这在心理上并不困难，把“我”体验为“母亲”，把另一个可以从他身上看到“我”的男人（恰巧也是一个对母亲固恋的人）用来取代“我”即可，一样可以获得安全感。你也许会问：为什么不可以是把另一个男人体验为“母亲”，而自己不变呢？回答是：他可以从另一个男人身上看到自己的影子，却无法看到“母亲”的影子。 根据这样的解释，这一点就不奇怪了：同性恋者对对方都很关心，而且大多都有控制欲，这正是要表现出自己的“母性”。 如果同性恋者是女人，也适用于这样的理论和解释。 但是，我想提醒，关于同性恋理论的合理性，可能到此为止了。我们不能赞同弗洛伊德把对母亲的固恋，解释为是“性”，没人这么变态的。而同性恋之间的性行为，也是另一回事。当然，我们绝不能把同性恋称为“有病”，这只是一种和异性恋不同的爱恋方式而已。 前面说到了，当我们处于动物和神之间，作为一个“人”而承受痛苦的时候，第一种解决办法就是退回去。 它在心理上的意思是：“现在我感觉很难受，前面的路也充满了风险，我还是撤吧，毕竟，原来走过的路是安全的。” 而第二种解决办法，就是决不撤退，而是坚持往前走。只要我们不做那种变成一个神一样的人的春秋大梦（那只会让人变成一个疯子），这条路就成功了。因为我们的心理一直需要得到成长，我们的存在，恰恰是对自我的不断超越。 它在心理上的意思是：“来吧！我不怕。我可以强大我的头脑，强大我的内心，用我的力量来战胜一切，超越自我，确证我的存在价值——人生下来，本来就应该这样！” 一个心理强大的人就是这样，一切有所成就的人就是这样。 关于这一点我在这里不再多谈，因为这样干，正是和本书的内容。 我只想说，“往前走”的大致是这样三种人：能人、好人、智者。 能人是就社会的意义而言能做事而且做成功的人，但好人和智者已超越了社会的范畴，而是一种“存在”的范畴了。 说好人、智者已是一种“存在”的范畴是什么意思呢？ 一个人来到这个世界上，就像随机扔一块石头一样扔下来，偶然地被“抛入”，没那么伟大。所以你问“人生有什么意义”，这种问题本来就是伪问题、傻问题。并没有一堆意义摆在那儿等着你，人生的意义是你要去寻找的。 但人是一种“存在”，一种相对于万物来说比较高档的“存在”。所以，当他从动物向神走去时，冥冥之中就得到了一个道德命令：做一个好人！不要出卖你自己！充分发挥你的生命潜能！ 这个道德命令，用哲学的话讲，就是“存在的规定性”，规定你应该这样做，同时规定你不应该那样做。一个人生下来，不是为了去做一个人渣，去做一个既可以把自己卖了也可以卖别人的人的——正如父母把一个人生下来，不是为了让他去做别人的“脑残粉”！ 好人和智者正是符合“存在的规定性”的人。他们或者听到了内心的声音，按照这个声音来生活；或者，听到了这个世界的神秘声音，并用它来照亮自己和他人。 这两种人无论如何向前走，当然都永远成不了神，但是，他们的存在，却是一种“类神”的存在。这就是我们有时候在他们面前，会觉得内心受到震撼，或感觉到他们具有一种超出常人魅力的原因。 如果一个人的存在不符合“存在的规定性”，不听“存在”发出的那个“道德命令”呢，又会如何？ 答案只有一个：他会憎恨自己，并且为了掩饰这一点，就憎恨其他人。 继续我们的话题。在解决从动物走向神所产生的存在问题、心理问题时，还有第三种办法，就是一个人既不后退，也不向前走了，就在他觉得安全的地方待下去。 这些都是什么人呢？ 他们可能是麻木不仁的人，可能是一些在这个社会上永远只是当一个观众在看戏的人。他们没有什么成就，也不敢有什么成就。 也可能是这类人，他们拼命地忘记内心，忘记世界的秘密，一头扎进“社会”，扎进人际关系里。但在独处的时候，他们往往会恐慌。 当然，还有这类人，他们不敢对这个世界有什么欲望，谨小慎微，按照熟悉的生活，日复一日地过下去，直到死亡来临的那一天，一切OVER（结束）。所有这些人都有一个共同的特征：在头脑上，他们无法或不愿用理性和这个世界的秘密建立什么联系，世界的秘密在他们的关注，甚至意识之外；他们不想听到，或很少愿意去倾听内心的声音。在心理上，他们对于自己的生活并没有多少热情。他们或者通过封闭自己的心理结构，减少自己的欲求，或者通过忘记自己，来得到心理保护。 弗洛姆曾经说，“如果能对人用精神的X光透视，我们会发现有如此众多的吞噬同类者，有如此众多的图腾崇拜者，有如此众多形形色色的偶像崇拜者”。 这指的是“退回去”的那帮人。 我愿意对他的话进行补充：“如果能对人用精神的X光透视，我们会发现有如此众多的人在害怕生活，有如此众多的人丧失了体验自己和他人痛苦的能力，有如此众多的人躲在自己熟悉的语言和行为模式中得到安全感。” 我指的是所有“退回去”和待着不动的人。 到了总结一下“正常人”在头脑上和心理上，和世界是一种什么样的关系的时候了。有以下几种情况。 头脑和世界的联系；心理和世界的联系；他是什么样的人；肤浅；用心理背景去和世界联系；这类人就是刻意保持对世界的麻木、冷漠，或成功地逃回了他的心理结构的人；深刻；微弱；那些“冷血”的科学家、医生、精通某一技艺的杀手，往往就是这类人；肤浅和深刻之间，常常受到心理的影响，把心理中的世界当成是真实的世界；微弱和深刻之间，常常受到头脑的影响，把头脑认为的世界，当成真实的世界。特点是心理结构和现实同构；我们大多数人。 于是，改变我们自己，其实就是改变我们在头脑上和心理上与世界的关系，改变我们的处境和命运。