Chapter 7 Chapter 6 Armed with Reason

In May 1968, French college students raised the flag of rebellion on the streets of Paris.They had a person's name on their lips. This man is Comrade Marcuse, an American philosopher.At that time, he and two other M comrades——Comrade Marx and Comrade Mao Zedong—were collectively called "3M" (the first English letter of each person's name was M), and he was a spiritual idol in the hearts of the revolutionary masses. His most famous theory is to reveal that society has a mechanism for brainwashing people. If a person is not careful, he will be washed into a "one-dimensional person".The so-called "one-dimensional people", in layman's terms, are "brain fans" and "one-dimensional people".

French college students summarized Lao Ma's theory and shouted such slogans: "Thanks to teachers and exams, I started to compete with others at the age of six" and "Society is a piranha". Seeing French college students like this, I can't help sighing.Society is a piranha, this is not an exaggeration, but what is it to start competing with others at the age of six?In today's China, the competition has already started with sperm.However, we still have to admire the French college students. They are really powerful. They can make the philosopher's thoughts so easy to understand, and shout out slogans that are popular with the people.

This is not surprising.French students take philosophy in their high school graduation exams, and it has been a tradition until now. Questions are often asked, such as "whether people can get rid of prejudice", "whether language will deviate from thinking", "whether culture is distorted" and so on. Interestingly, the French 2012 college entrance examination philosophy topic has aroused heated discussions on Weibo.Like "Are all beliefs contrary to reason?" "Do we have the obligation to pursue the truth?" "Will we be freer without a country?" Just from the point of view of the problem, the Chinese people's thinking is much worse than others. cut.

It doesn't matter whether you answer "YES" or "NO" to these questions, what matters is whether you understand what you are thinking about, in our words, you have to "clarify" it, and for your Judgment gives reasons.This is to test a person's analytical ability and speculative ability, so that he can grow rationally.Compared with it, the college entrance examination composition that we can't get rid of lyricism and empty discussion is too childish-this is just training a person how to use words to pretend! I want to say that the more people who are trained to use language and words during their growth, lack the ability to analyze and speculate, but are good at expressing emotions and making empty arguments, the more likely they are to be brainwashed, more hypocritical, and more likely to have split personalities.

You may ask: Why does a person who is trained to pretend with words have such consequences? I replied respectfully: he lacked a rational, independent and powerful ego to support his personality structure.Once he is tempted by interests, his fragile personality structure will fall apart and he will sell himself easily. There are also many people who have been brainwashed, but are not hypocritical or have split personalities. Because they have a sense of morality, they will not easily sell themselves, but the result must be psychological weakness, just like many people today. On the contrary, if he has strong analytical and speculative abilities, then he has a strong ego to support the personality structure, and no one can take his ego away or knock him down psychologically!

Therefore, the issue of education has to be brought back here.And a very important reason is that we have psychological problems when we grow up, all thanks to the psychological trauma in childhood, especially family education. Let's go back and look at ourselves as children.Let's also -- parents or not -- look at how to keep a child from being psychologically wounded? If you have children, then, I really have a suggestion: Let your children read more philosophical enlightenment books, it doesn’t matter whether he understands them or not, when they grow up, those books, the rational spirit in them , it became his knowledge background and personality background for participating in this world!

And it would be great if you could discuss it with him and let him learn to clarify certain issues in a rational way. For example, you want him not to buy snacks casually, but to listen to his parents. You do not use orders, persuasion, or intimidation, such as "I will beat you if you go to buy snacks", "It is not good for children to eat snacks, don't Go buy it", "Snacks may be poisonous, and you will get sick if you eat them", etc., but use the "clarification" method, "It's not that your parents don't let you eat snacks, but the snacks sold on the street. Many of them are unhygienic. Eat You will get sick when you get sick, and a child, of course, is responsible for his own health. At the same time, as a child, he also has the obligation not to let his parents worry. Because you are still young and lack a certain ability to identify, so parents cannot let go You eat snacks because you are accountable."

Do you see it?If you use commands to your child, no matter how he responds, he will be psychologically resisted, because it blocks his growing self's tendency to be independent and turns him into a vassal under your control. It must be resisted.You can succeed in overcoming his resistance only by turning yourself into a tyrant, a sadist, who fears you at the sound of your voice and at the sight of you.What are the consequences, don't I need to say any more? If you use persuasion, it will basically have no effect, because you have not given any reason, and he still can't figure out why he can't eat snacks. Naturally, he is psychologically equivalent to you never saying this sentence talk!

What about intimidation?This is the worst educational method, because it is cruelly implanting fear into the inner world of a child, cultivating his fear of many things in the world, and making him timid, cowardly, afraid to break in, dare not Fighting, psychologically at the mercy of others. The "grandmother wolf" story that has been circulating for many years and poisoned so many children must be liquidated, and intimidation is worse than such a story.Remember: we let our children be in awe or defense, not let him be afraid since he was a child! Contrary to these bad educational tricks, discussing rationally with children in an authoritative capacity can not only make the child mentally healthy, but also give him the confidence to grasp the world mentally and psychologically.

Because, if you clarify the problem of "can't eat snacks", then he will understand that he really has no reason to go to the street to buy snacks to eat-this is not the result of listening to your words, but "I can't do this in the first place." Do". At the same time, seeing this, he also knew that his desire to eat snacks should be controlled rationally. In this world, he could not do whatever he wanted, and he could not indulge himself. , is a strategy to restrain oneself rationally, not to suppress oneself. Remember what I said earlier? "Reason constitutes a real persuasion in man!"

Let me emphasize again: if you want to convince a person mentally, the best way is to let reason convince him, and if you want to convince a person psychologically, the best way is to let him convince himself! Also, when you clarify the question of "why you can't eat snacks" to your child, you introduce rational thinking into his mind. As a psychological force, rationality enters his psychological world again-and the child's ego is In the process of growing up, when his self is dealing with a strange, complex world that seems to have many mysteries, it is precisely rationality that is needed to give strength to this self! Similar educational methods can also be used in children's moral education, such as filial piety, respect for parents and so on. We all know that filial piety is often done through emotional and moral teaching.Their rationale is uncomplicated: Emotions are about calling out a child's guilt, making it manifest in gratitude, or feeling morally inhuman. Mr. Yi Zhongtian, the "academic super man", once said such a passionate sentence-"No one who scolds Mao Yushi is a human being!" To clarify this sentence of Mr. Superman is: I can't beat you in terms of viewpoints, right?OK, I'll hit you with a moral stick! We will not hit ourselves with a moral stick, but if we experience emotionally that our parents treat us well, but we are not filial, we will not be able to survive psychologically, and there will be anxiety about "do I still have a conscience" . On the other hand, moral education is to implant the moral command of "filial piety to parents" into the child's inner world from an early age. If he wants to listen to the words of this moral authority, he will have moral pressure if he doesn't listen, as if his own heart and others are examining himself. : Are you a human or a beast, huh? Do emotional and moral imperatives work?certainly! But their effectiveness depends on the correct relationship between the child and the parents, and on whether the child can experience the suffering of the parents and the kindness to themselves.One of its prerequisites is: parents cannot spoil unprincipled! In Guangzhou, there was once a tragedy about a mother accidentally killing an "evil girl", which made people sigh with emotion.The root of the curse lies in the doting of parents on their daughters. Since she was a child, her parents have been satisfied with whatever her daughter wants, "caring and thoughtful, meticulous".When she was in junior high school, the mother got a bank card for her daughter.Before the incident, the 16-year-old daughter had four bank cards. Later, the daughter was not afraid of anyone at home, and she was unreasonable. If she didn't give money, she would beat her parents and slap her parents hard. After the tragedy, the daughter’s father said: “Our husband and wife adopted a gentle and reasonable approach to educate and guide our daughter. We tried many methods, but they didn’t work. We have no control over the complex social environment and school environment.” I can understand why this father in pain said that.It is difficult for a person to wake up from a certain psychological situation, especially when he is suffering the tragic consequences for which he is responsible-think about it, even if you can practice self-reflection, what is the use, and what is the use of self-reflection? Can it be undone?Therefore, it is better to push out all the responsibilities to reduce psychological torture. But others should learn their lesson. Even if you are very good to your child, you can suffer for him, and you teach him to be filial, but if you dote on him, what will happen to him psychologically? ——"It's a matter of course that you treat me well, but if you can't meet my requirements, you will be sorry for me, I will hate you, and I will take revenge!" That is, coddling defeats all filial education and respect for parents, because the person's innermost moral principles are driven out!There is no longer a voice from the bottom of the heart telling the child "Parents treat you well and raise you, you should also be filial to them, respect them, and raise them to grow old", but he tells himself in the parents' doting behavior " Parents are good to me, which is what they should be, and they owe me." In this way, no matter whether he has seen and experienced the suffering of his parents, he will develop hatred for his parents, making him ruthless and hard to get rid of.Sometimes a child will feel guilty when he sees the hard work of his parents, and there will be moral pressure when he asks for money and is not filial, but the power of his hatred will immediately overwhelm the power of morality! It's incomprehensible that doting on a child can make him hate his parents, right? In fact, it is very easy to understand!It is a logical result of the idea that "it is natural for you to be kind to me, you deserve it, and you owe me." That is to say, according to this idea, as soon as you move forward, you will come to hate. Because, as long as parents' doting on their children is considered an obligation, it means that the child does not think that he has any obligation of filial piety and respect to his parents-and psychologically, he must put this idea, "the parents owe me ", to rationalize more demands, so as to convince yourself more confidently, and the method is to increase the power of hatred to them. In fact, spoiling does not only lead to hatred.If you are not doing well, apart from hatred, you will also be despised by your children, because in the psychological competition with others, if you are not high in social value ranking, you will not be able to stand up to them at all. , can only make him lose face, your existence makes his existence a shame.He will complain why his father is not Li Gang but you? Rationality is the prescription that can really make us mentally healthy when we grow up psychologically, and it is also a powerful weapon for our mind. It can also help parents define their relationship with their children. Let's take a look at this phenomenon first: Why are the post-90s generation more precocious, shrewd, and more realistic than the post-80s generation (not to mention the post-70s generation), but also more vulnerable? The answer lies in one's mind, psychology and relationship to the world. In the era of post-90s growing up, society changes very fast. When his "self" grows up, his mind quickly accepts those things played by the society, enters the psychological structure, and becomes a part of his "self", his psychological structure , It is very closely integrated with reality, so it is very realistic and sophisticated. However, the things in his psychological structure are more in the mind, and there is no independent and solid self to support him.Therefore, as long as one is hit by something, it is "reality". No longer supporting him but posing a threat to him, his weak "ego" can't stand it. The post-90s have completely immersed themselves in "reality".What he is most afraid of is that "reality" will strike him back! For people born in the 80s and above, when their "self" is growing up, the society is not developing so fast, and it is not so realistic. He is influenced by the set played by the society in his mind, and when he enters the psychological structure, he becomes While becoming part of his "self", there is also room for a slightly independent "self" to grow. Therefore, he is not as realistic as the post-90s generation, because his slightly independent "self" is not realistic.He is also not that vulnerable, because his slightly independent "self" itself is not an agent of "reality" resident in the heart, but has a little strength. Of course, the post-80s generation can also become more "realistic" than the post-90s generation. You should already know the principle: sell or kill his slightly independent "self", go all out, and plunge into "reality"! Okay, let's see how to help children define the correct relationship with their parents through rational clarification. We can ask a question like this when a child asks for money: "Do you think it's right for your parents to support you, buy you clothes with money, and let you study?" No matter how the child answers (if your child's first reaction is surprise, it is too necessary for you to educate like this!), we can continue: "Actually, there is no question of whether you should or should not. Before you grow up and can live independently, Parents should provide you with living conditions and learning conditions, with the purpose of enabling you to grow well. But not everything you want will be satisfied, because some things are your own things, which are created by yourself when you grow up And correspondingly, the things your parents give you show their love for you, so don’t think that your parents owe you. When you grow up and your parents get old, it’s your turn to take care of them.”