Chapter 4 Chapter Three

We carry a psychological structure, in fact, we carry a lot of things such as personality, psychological tendency, complex, emotion, emotion, etc. to live and deal with the world. Then, how does the tyrant of psychological protection activate a series of psychological laws in our hearts, making us say certain words, do certain things, have certain emotions, emotions, or become certain kinds of psychological laws? What about people? I think it's time to reveal the secret between "psychological structure" and "person".Let's go deep inside. When expressing, I adopted an ancient way, that is dialogue, which is the original tradition of philosophy.

Our existence is actually a dialogue with ourselves, others, and the world. A white-collar worker in the workplace gave me a confused expression one day, which is an alternative opening statement with something to say. Sure enough, she asked me a question: "How can you see a person's heart from what he says and his behavior? Isn't psychoanalysis very mysterious and difficult to learn?" I am serious: "Do you want to learn?" She said: "Think about it! I want to make myself strong inside, I want to arm myself!" I smiled slightly: "That's not mysterious, it's also very simple. Have you done math problems in elementary school, or solved geometry problems in junior high school? Have you also studied physics in junior high school? Then, do you still remember 'axioms' and 'theorems' and the like? ?

What known conditions are given to you for a question, and then you are asked to calculate or solve what, do you still have an impression? " She said, "Remember!" I said: "The reason is the same. For example, if a person wants to survive psychologically and protect himself psychologically, this is the 'axiom' of psychological problems; many psychological laws are 'theorems'; What kind of action is the 'known condition'; seeing his psychological motivation, what kind of person he is, is the 'solution'." "The reverse is also true," I continued, "if you know what kind of person a person is, that is, his personality, his psychological tendencies, and his psychological motivations, then you can basically know what he will say. What, what will be done."

She was anxious, and blurted out: "But I feel like a mess, it seems that I don't have a complete and clear concept, and I can't figure it out!" "Don't worry," I knew why she was confused, "be patient with yourself." I asked her, "We came into this world with a mental structure to live psychologically, right?" "yes." "So, are we psychologically connected with others? For example, if your performance is good and your boss praises you, you will be happy. But if others are jealous of you, you will feel uncomfortable. Right?"

"Yes indeed!" "So, what kind of character are you, do you know?" "According to your personality analysis theory, I should be inferior + possessive." "Okay. Please answer me: Knowing a person's character, do you understand him completely?" "No. In addition to character, there are also emotions, and what does he think." "By the way! Personality is the deepest connection between our psychological structure and the world. That is to say, it is located in the deepest part of our psychological structure. In this place, in addition to personality, there are various other genetic things, like the master of psychoanalysis. The 'collective unconscious' that Jung talked about is all in it."

I continued: "But remember, character refers to a function of psychological protection, one of the most powerful motivations for you to do this or that. Emotions and the like also refer to functions, such as when you are angry, It means 'anger is used to help you do something'. Just because character is located in the deepest part of our psychological structure, it is the most difficult to change and the most powerful, so there is a saying that 'character determines destiny'." "Some people say 'character structure', some people say 'psychological structure', and you say it too. What is the relationship between them?"

"Don't understand 'character structure' as something juxtaposed with 'psychological structure'. 'Character structure' is located in the 'psychological structure'. The reason for saying 'character structure' is because a person has more than one simple personality type , such as you, are inferiority complex + possessive type, and when they are mixed together, there is a 'structure'." "I understand." She looked thoughtful, "What else is there in the psychological structure besides personality and genetics?" "Character is the deepest connection between us and the world psychologically. Of course, there is also a 'middle' and 'surface' connection. What are the 'middle' of the psychological structure? There are psychological tendencies, complexes, etc. You see Those narcissistic people, stubborn people, those competitive people, those willful people, those mean people? Pay attention, these are psychological tendencies!"

I suddenly thought of the term "stubborn personality". I reminded her: "Maybe you have to ask, isn't stubbornness said to be a character? My answer is, that is an imprecise statement, it is not! Personality is extremely difficult to change. In fact, don't try to change it at all. We can only develop another personality to weaken the original personality, or suppress it a little. However, narcissism, stubbornness, competitiveness, self-willedness, meanness, etc., although difficult to change, can still be changed. As for the complex, you must be clear, didn't Freud say the famous 'Oedipus complex'? "

"I think I can understand." "But what are psychological tendencies used for?" She became more and more interested. "The same is used for psychological protection. When the personality is doing the work of psychological protection, it is fully automatic, and it is quickly stimulated without you even realizing it. The degree of automaticity of psychological tendencies is also very high, but you Sometimes you will be aware of it. It is a relatively stable psychological protection method when you deal with the world. That is to say, when you are stimulated, it will attack, and when you encounter similar stimuli, you will keep repeating it. It’s fixed. That makes it have something in common with character, and it says something about who you are as a person.”

"I still don't understand, can you give me an example?" "For example, a person is narcissistic. Why is he narcissistic? Narcissism means that he feels that he cannot affirm his own value through others. Therefore, in order to protect himself and prevent being degraded by others psychologically, he does it himself, has enough food and clothing, and feels that he is beautiful. , Very high-end, very good. As long as he encounters a situation that seems to torture him "how much are you worth?", he will show a tendency to be narcissistic. He actually relies on narcissism to play with the world."

"I see. It seems that self-love is actually quite pitiful." "You should go on to ask: What are the 'surface' of the psychological structure, and what are they for?" I spoke for her. "That's exactly what I thought!" she said. "Okay. My answer is: there are emotions, emotions! But, in terms of psychological protection, it is mainly emotions, and some extreme emotions. Therefore, the 'emotion' I mentioned does not mean that you love someone or something like that. Stable and normal emotions do not require psychological protection, because loving someone does not threaten psychological survival. As far as psychological protection is concerned, if a person’s words are not as good as the brain, they just pop out of the psychological structure. That counts." I continued: "Emotions, emotions, and some languages ​​are not deeply connected with the world. We can only use them to decipher a person's psychological motivation at that time, but we cannot decipher who he is. For example, you see a person who hates China In football, seeing someone angry, seeing someone bragging without shame, it really doesn't say who he is, it just says what's going on inside him at the time." "Well. Emotions, emotions, language, maybe in the same situation, everyone is the same." "So, if you observe from emotions, emotions, and language, you may not be able to find the difference between a person A and another person B, because they can all play these things, but personality and psychological tendency directly determine that A is A, B is B, and you can tell at a glance how he will talk and act. These things are equivalent to his brand marks, which can immediately distinguish him from others." "So it is!" "Also, pay close attention." I reminded her to pay attention, "What do you mean by saying that emotions, emotions, and language are on the surface of the psychological structure? That is to say, it is the closest to reality. When you get angry, what stimulates you is A specific person, a specific thing, you are reacting to him, to it.” "You will go on reminding me what it means to say that the psychological disposition is in the middle of the psychological structure?" "That's right. What does it mean? Assuming you are impatient, then, although it is a certain person or a certain thing in reality that arouses your impatience, it is not just this person or this thing that you are targeting. The thing itself, you react to the external world with 'self', because that person, that thing, is just a part of the world that constitutes a tense relationship with you. Once you play impatient, you are repeating and solidifying once' The relationship between self' and the world. That is to say, when you push others hard, you are not impatient with others in essence, but extremely anxious and anxious about the situation created by him, which makes you feel out of control!" "That's how I am!" "It's time to talk about character," she said. "Character I've said before, but I can add," I said, "that it sleeps in the deepest part of our hearts, furthest from reality, but it sets up our relationship with the world, and thus ultimately affects Ours is it. That is to say, what it does is a big thing, a person speaks to the whole world, not just to a specific person or something! Only when we can't hold it, it will jump out of the small Playing tricks. A smart person can not only control his personality in reality, but also use the powerful psychological power provided by his personality in his heart." I talked a lot, but this little white-collar girl insisted on me continuing. "Let me tell you one by one about emotions, emotions, personality, psychological tendencies, and how to play psychological protection!" I suggested. "OK!" "If someone swears 'Maller's next door', in terms of content, he is swearing, but in terms of psychological function, he is venting and seeking a psychological advantage for himself by attacking, isn't it?" "yes." "Very good. Let's start with emotions, emotions, and of course, language. Think about it, when you have emotions, emotions, and say something that is not in your head, such as swearing, is there any stimulation? you?" "yes!" "Have you ever been angry with someone else?" "Been born." "The emotions, emotions, language, when it comes to psychological protection, its operation is too simple." I continued: "Okay, if someone provokes you and you get angry, then, psychological protection works like this - I will draw a flow chart of it for you to see." When someone provokes you, you feel that your dignity has been hurt and you experience being insulted.Anger, anger: Eliminate this kind of emotional experience that threatens your psychological survival. There is a huge psychological energy behind anger. When you experience anger, you experience your own strength. Therefore, the psychological energy of the emotional experience of being insulted is When you are taken over by anger, you will no longer experience the insult. Anger puts you in a psychologically aggressive posture when you are in front of him. You gain a psychological advantage. The psychological protection is over and it is done. "Understand?" "I don't understand a little bit. Anger makes me feel powerful. Its psychological energy takes away the psychological energy that I was insulted?" "Of course! As long as you have studied physics in junior high school, everyone knows the law of energy conservation, and the mental energy that is active in the psychological structure also obeys this law." "So, psychological protection, through this kind of energy conversion, let me change from being insulted and hurt to being powerful and able to attack?" "Very smart! You already know the secret: the psychological protection of emotions and emotions is actually through the conversion of psychological energy!" It's really easy. I became very happy: "Someone provoked you, you feel insulted, right? Insult is psychological, the direction is that others point at you, which means you are passively beaten, experience it, you can only feel hurt. So , in order to protect yourself psychologically, you have to transform it into anger. The same is true for fear. When you are afraid, the direction is also pointed at you by others. Not only are you passively beaten, but you are also weak and powerless. , it also turns into anger." "That is to say, the kind of strength a person gets through emotions such as anger is actually just like a balloon inflated, but his heart is weak because it is fear that triggers it?" "Correct answer! Add 10 points! Now, we need to make a logical diagram of how emotions and emotional hearts work, so that we can understand them at a glance." "Well, what is it?" Psychologically, we need to eliminate these words, actions and other fears, pain, anxiety, stimulate our survival and respond to emotional experiences such as threatening our survival, shame, despair and so on. "understood." "Next, let's look at the psychological tendency. As for the personality, I have already talked about it in the book. Let me describe its logical schema to you. For the rest, let's turn to the book!" I describe it: In his past, due to his psychological relationship with the outside world, a person formed a certain character, such as an inferiority-type character, a possessive character-or pushed him to satisfy his own desires, change reality, change himself, and make the psychological Survival is satisfied; or, the character is activated and manifested by the real situation. Low self-esteem A person's relationship with the outside world attacks and changes himself, psychological survival is satisfied, character possession is activated, and he becomes a psychological animal showing off gentleness. "But pay attention, if a person's personality is easily activated by others or one thing, it shows that he is very anxious and disturbed in his heart-because only in this case, he is so easy to use his personality, which comes to his mind. Protect yourself." I reminded her. "Okay, you have seen how the psychological protection of emotions, emotions, language, and personality is played, then, can you imagine the changes in psychological tendencies?" I tried to make myself a persuasive person. She said, "Well, why don't you give me a hint?" "When a person is stimulated, emotions, emotions, and language will attack on the spot, and then disappear, right? However, a person's psychological tendency, whether he is narcissistic, stubborn, or willful, has already occurred before his attack. Formed. Is it?" "yes." "Then its psychological protection must be somewhat different from emotion, emotion, and language." "I think so." "Then, can it be described like this: He formed a certain psychological tendency in the past, which is a fixed pattern of psychological protection, and then he was stimulated when he encountered something or someone? For example, a person is stubborn, Someone wanted to persuade him, but he was afraid of being persuaded, so he showed stubbornness?" "It's roughly the same. But let's take a look first, why is a person stubborn? Let's go into his inner world first." "Okay, I want to see it too." "Remember, the word 'stubbornness' is not a word to describe intelligence, but a word to describe psychology, that is, it does not describe the state of intellectual structure, but the state of psychological structure. So, when you are going to persuade a person You know, it’s his psychology that’s being persuaded, and it’s useless to convince his mind.” I reminded her. "Well, what the hell is going on with that stubborn man?" "A stubborn person is not insisting on something in his head, but psychologically, he must insist on something that can be connected or equivalent to his 'self', whether it is an opinion, style, method of doing things, or anything else, otherwise , he feels that his 'self' has been handed over by him, and he will suffer the danger of being worthless and being controlled by others, so that he will not feel psychologically safe." "So, he won't listen to others?" "That's right. But it's not that he can't listen to a truth, but he hopes that this truth is known by 'himself' and not 'other people'." "Then is there any way to persuade a stubborn person?" "It's simple. Knowing what's going on psychologically about a person's stubbornness, you can prescribe the right medicine. There are two most effective ways. "I talked eloquently, "The first trick is to let his closest relatives and trusted people talk to him.Because facing this person, he doesn't need to play too much stubbornness to protect himself psychologically. Moreover, if he plays stubbornness, he will have moral pressure.The second trick is to try to make him persuade himself, which requires your guidance. " "Well, I'll try later." "You must ask: Then, what is the logical schema of psychological protection of psychological tendencies?" "Yes indeed!" "It's like this: due to past experiences, a person's psychological structure has formed a fixed psychological tendency to deal with the world and protect his psychological survival, such as being impatient, such as being stubborn-in a certain situation, his A certain fixed psychological tendency is stimulated—the psychological tendency is manifested, and psychological protection is carried out for oneself. It’s very simple, right?” An impatient person's relationship with the outside world encounters a performance psychological psychologically activated psychological protection stubbornness in a certain situation tends to tend towards a slow person "I see."