Chapter 3 Chapter Two Surviving Psychologically

In a crowded shopping mall, I once bumped into a man accidentally.Like the revolutionary Chen Tianhua, both sides came to a pose of "slamming back" at the same time. You can imagine what happened next: he stared at me, scolded me, and almost sprayed my face with saliva. But you may not think of this. In fact, before this incident happened, I had never played it, nor had I thought about it! ——I looked into his eyes, smiled, suddenly inspired, possessed by a soul, and geniusly made a "please" gesture, a friendly reminder "well, you talk first". This extremely creative pose made him goofy.But he quickly reacted, and his tone began to soften, but it was quite fierce: "You hit me!" I still smiled and said "Yes", prompting him to continue.He looked at me very strangely, calmed down, and said, "Can you walk more carefully?" Then he glared at me and left.

I looked at him with a smile and concern the whole time, and watched him go. The security guard of the shopping mall came over, looking very excited, and expressed his "admiration" to me. Bathed in the pleasure of being admired by the security guards, at that moment, I had a brainstorm and knew why the matter ended like this, instead of ending in scolding and fighting. It was very simple for this man to get angry, he collided with me, and this collision also hit his psychological structure.Getting angry means that he uses his emotions to protect his psychological structure and attack me.

Not only that, he also mentally presupposed that I would swear at him with my fists, because I am also a man, and I don't look like a weak scholar.This kind of psychological presupposition is to predict the consequences of one's own words and deeds, so that one can have a psychological defense against others and prepare for defense or offense. That is to say, when playing "Break Back", he has potentially accumulated mental energy and is ready to deal with me! If I also swear at him, blow my beard and stare, and almost spray my saliva on his face when I speak-that is, in line with his psychological presupposition, his accumulated psychological energy will be ignited.According to the experience of friction between men, it is estimated that in less than ten seconds, he and I will perform a fighting scene for the audience for free, just like two dogs biting each other.

But how could I become a psycho animal like him, playing this low-level language game, action game, and using it to solve such small problems? Instead, I'm going to pull him back and regain his sanity. The result: my creative response broke his preconceived notions of scolding him back and playing action games with him, instantly making him feel strange and out of place.But in this way, the string of his psychological defense was loosened, and the accumulated psychological energy lost the channel to vent out.As long as I don't stimulate him, this kind of psychological energy will be transformed into the rationality of the mind in that situation, followed by emotional cooling and sense of meaninglessness.

Thus, the problem was resolved peacefully. Here I want to say that one important reason why many people get out of hand on a small matter is that both parties have become psychological animals, and emotions stimulate emotions. One of the reasons why lovers and husbands quarrel becomes more and more violent. One of the reasons is that we have often forgotten that when the other party’s emotions surge, he actually has a psychological expectation: I hope we will let him, psychologically presuppose We should let him. If not, because he unilaterally expects and presupposes, he will feel humiliated. In order to protect himself psychologically, he will turn the humiliation into anger towards the other party.

When our relatives are angry with us, please think about what expectations, disappointments and even despair he has for us in his heart! Although this is no longer an era where you can fool people with a few more "Zi Yue", but we still listen to the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu say: "One life is two, two is three, three is all things." When the Chinese finished speaking, let the foreigner continue to speak. The person I arranged for was Newton.He said: In the vast universe, all things are in constant motion, and God is the "first driving force" of motion.

What "one" refers to, whether the "first driving force" is God, is not important to us ordinary people, what is important is thinking - in this world, many things can find an "ultimate driving force" or " Logical origin", a "place where things first start". What is the ultimate driving force and logical origin of human psychology and behavior?It's simple: survive - survive physically and mentally. As I said, survival in psychology is the first iron law of psychology, which is similar to the "axiom" in mathematics.If you say that in this world, there are people who just don’t want to live psychologically, but want to finish psychologically, then I’m sorry, I can’t imagine such a person—whether he is a so-called normal person or mentally ill!Physiologically, many people do not want to live, that is, they want to die, but they do so precisely to make a living psychologically.A person who feels that he can survive psychologically will not commit suicide!

Over the years, there is a philosophical way of thinking that has benefited me a lot, and I would like to share it here: For a point of view that seems reasonable, we must not only know why, but also know why. If there is no question of "give me a reason first" and "please describe why this is so", there is no doubt whether philosophy can become the highest wisdom for human self-knowledge. Let me explain why we have to learn to do this. If you know it, you can simply remember the expression of your point of view in your mind, which is equivalent to memorizing it, and it will soon fade out of the surface of the intellectual structure, and it is useless in many cases; An element of your intellectual structure that you can use when the time arises.

Bacon said that knowledge is power.But if you don’t know how to use it, knowledge is nothing, at most it can be used as a pretense to show that you are “talented”.In fact, what should really be used for pretending is playing the piano, carrying an LV, driving a BMW, going to Starbucks for a drink, not knowledge-knowledge is used to make people awesome! According to this way of thinking, we have to ask: Why do people want to survive psychologically? Let’s take a brief look at our existence: we came into this world with a lump of flesh. Our existence is first of all a lump of flesh, a bunch of complex physiological structures, right?

Well, if this pile of flesh and this complex physiological structure can survive, it must be equipped with a series of automatic protection devices, that is instinct.When you are hungry and thirsty, it means that the survival of this piece of meat is threatened, and the instinct is triggered.When someone taps you on the shoulder from behind, you quickly turn your head to see who it is and prepare to attack at the same time, which is the result of instinct controlling you to protect yourself. Instinct is unconscious, it will not remind you to say "Attention, I'm here to protect you", when the instinct strikes, there is no need to pretend to be high-end, just admit that we are animals, and we have nothing to do with pigs, cows, dogs, etc. the difference.

Of course, we are humans, not just animals.When we came into this world with a piece of meat, on the "material basis" it provided, we also developed and formed two things—two functions: intellectual structure and psychological structure. There is no need to talk nonsense about what the intellectual structure is used for, because it is "what do you have a brain for".For thinkers like Pascal, it is: man has an intellectual structure, which is really great, because it can be used to make man think, making man more "noble" than those things in the universe that want to destroy him If there are too many, you can directly despise pigs, cows, dogs and other animals. What does it mean for a person to have a psychological structure?What does it want to do? Humans have a psychological structure, which is used to live psychologically, to make them have emotions, desires, needs, low self-esteem, narcissism, etc. When we appear in the world with a psychological structure, various possible harms follow.But we don't want to live that kind of life that is psychologically painful.what to do? Don't worry, just as the physiological structure has instincts to protect it, the psychological structure also has a series of automatic devices to protect it, which are a series of psychological protection mechanisms. In other words, with the development and formation of the psychological structure, we live a psychological life, which is also equipped with an automatic protection device, allowing us to survive psychologically! Earlier I mentioned a little theory.Theory is always boring and not fun.I deeply know that in this era when everyone feels very tired, theory cannot be used to make people more tired, just as General Ye Ting knows deeply that a human body cannot crawl out of a dog hole! But why do you still have to say it?Because there is no theoretical support, we think we are clear about many things, but we are not clear about them. They lack height and depth.In many cases, we still need to be more profound, not so superficial. And theory is by no means trying to get us out of life. On the contrary, when we can't see clearly on the ground, we use it to fly up to the sky and see everything below, and then return to the ground. same. That is why, even when I talk about theory, I will try my best to make it easy to understand.Theory is used to allow readers to gain a commanding height and see the truth of the world clearly, not for the author to play deep! In the psychological structure, what things are there to protect us and allow us to survive psychologically?There is character, there are various unconscious psychological contents inherited from human ancestors, there are psychological tendencies, there are complexes, there are emotions, emotions, and so on.They drive a series of psychological laws that allow us to play tricks and protect ourselves psychologically.I call this revolutionary work they do "psychological protection." Pay attention, the concept of "psychological protection" is too important, it is the key to unlock our psychological secrets.You will see later that when you twist this key, a person's psychological secret room is opened. If we talk about it, I think the most important key is "social value ranking", which can be used to decipher our secrets of inferiority and weakness.Then, in this book, the most important key is "psychological protection". The man in front of me who collided with me, when he got angry, was actually protecting himself psychologically. The "Aggression Method" is based on the principle of psychological protection.Deliberately provoking a person is to arouse his psychological protection and put him into a psychological animal state, so that it is convenient to attack him, use him, and control him. It needs to be pointed out: When doing the sacred revolutionary work of psychological protection, many times the psychological structure cannot be handled by one person, but the close revolutionary comrades of the intellectual structure are needed to cooperate. Sometimes, we become an idiot, hypnotized, and suddenly go crazy because of their teamwork. On this point, we have to talk about it every day, every month, and every year: psychological survival is the ultimate motivation for all our behaviors related to psychological life!Many things we usually do may have only one meaning, which is to protect us psychologically! Archimedes said: "Give me a fulcrum, and I can move the earth!" Psychological protection is the "Archimedes fulcrum" for us to conduct psychological analysis and training to make ourselves psychologically strong. We can say: "Give me a little information, and I can decipher and clarify almost all behaviors and phenomena related to psychology in life!" It's time to fulfill a promise made in chapter one.Let me describe the "psychological animal" and explain the nouns. The so-called "psychological animal" means that we are in this state: when the psychological protection is activated, we lose the "rationality" that humans should have, and are reduced to a person who has a psychological structure and lives for it. All kinds of inexplicable or stupid animals - the difference between us and animals is that we are not driven by instinct, but driven by psychological protection! I want to say that being a psycho animal is happiness only for a madman.For us ordinary people, it means more pain and disaster. And the engine of many psychological laws and laws that control us is psychological protection!Sailing on the sea depends on the helmsman, and the psychological rules are not playing around, it is listening to the words of psychological protection. Therefore, when hitting a snake, you must hit seven inches. Austrian writer and one of the greatest geniuses of modern literature, Franz ?Franz Kafka once said: "The real road is actually a rope. It is not stretched on a high place, but close to the ground. It is not so much for people to walk as it is for people to trip." Brother Kafka is very profound, although today, there are not many literary and artistic youths pretending to be him, and they must call him "Kafka".A deep person seems not suitable to appear in a shallow age.Our Marshal Yue Feiyue once expressed his emotion: there are few bosom friends, who will listen to the broken strings? I listen. I want to say that psychological protection, just like the survival instinct, is something we cannot do without, for example, it is always right for us to maintain our self-esteem.However, in many cases, it is actually a rope. It is not so much used to protect us from being hurt psychologically, as it is to trip us psychologically and in turn hurt our psychological structure. Because, first, to protect our psychological structure, this should be more the responsibility of the intellectual structure, and rely on it to establish a defensive position. Second, the protection of the psychological structure should rely on it being in a state of inner strength, rather than relying on those psychological strategies and laws that we cannot realize or control to play, or psychologically turn us into some kind of Look, like, into a paranoid. If this is not the case, then psychological protection is like the 17-year-old girl in front, but we heal ourselves psychologically by killing ourselves. To put it more harshly: when psychological protection grabs us, it means that we are blindly trying to survive psychologically, just like drinking a glass of poisoned wine to quench our thirst! Are psychological problems difficult to understand?My answer is: no! I want to reveal the truth: the reason why we have psychological problems is that when we are stimulated and hit, the intellectual structure does not work, we cannot defend ourselves, and our hearts are not strong, which leads to the blind operation of psychological protection and then kills the result of the psychological structure. ! We are actually killing ourselves, or cooperating with others to kill ourselves. What is calmness?The real calmness is to use your intellectual structure to see and deal with it, not to let the psychological structure be stimulated, and to activate your psychological protection. What is "Mount Tai collapses in front without changing color"?It means that your intellectual structure is activated, and at the same time, your heart is very strong, and your psychological protection cannot be activated, so those dangers can't stimulate your fear at all. To deal with it with an intellectual structure and a strong heart can truly protect us, both in terms of interests and psychologically. Uncover another truth: after we have psychological problems, the reason why we get worse is that we did not learn to decipher it, clarify it, did not jump out of the injured psychological situation, but used psychological protection to heal the wound, which led to the "psychological structure being damaged. ——Using psychological protection to heal injuries (symptoms)—the psychological structure is killed by us——and then using psychological protection to heal injuries (symptoms)..." A vicious circle. The psychological structure is hurt - use psychological protection to heal the injury (symptom) - the psychological structure is killed by us again - then use psychological protection to heal the injury (symptom) This is equivalent to setting a trap for ourselves psychologically, and the more we get into this trap, the tighter the rope is pulled.The extreme point is that some people can't bear this kind of psychological torture, and choose to seek relief by suicide or murder. Give two examples. The first one is about "withdrawn personality".I want to use it to illustrate why psychological protection can be a killer inside of us. What does it mean psychologically that a person is "without" and doesn't want to talk to others, or even let others know him? Using the "clarification" method of psychoanalysis we will talk about later, we can see that he has a kind of "swallowing anxiety". Danger.Therefore, in order to protect himself psychologically, he withdrew from the crowd, and only when he hid aside, he seemed at ease and felt safe. Playing "solitary" is actually a kind of "behavior therapy" for one's own psychological problems. If it can really protect us psychologically, that's fine, the problem is it can't. When a person comes to this world, he needs to prove his existence to others. Without a sense of existence, a person will live worse than death.Playing "solitary" is to hide himself in the dark as much as possible, so as not to let others notice his existence, but as long as he does not completely retreat to his own world like a madman and no longer play with this world, he still needs to find a sense of existence. So what can be done? There are only two kinds: indifference, numbness, and indifference to the world; or hatred of the world, with an aggressive heart towards the world. For the former, since he does not face the world and is indifferent to it, he will not feel its oppression and threat to him, and he can play some things alone to find his own sense of existence.Instead of talking to the world, he talks to himself.But the consequence is that he cannot develop his own sound personality and is not psychologically adapted to dealing with others.This kind of life can be regarded as a way of life. There is no need to say it is good or bad. There may be some geniuses in this group. But the latter is more of a dangerous group.There is a saying in my hometown called "If you don't say a word for three days, you will have a big belly ghost", which refers to the latter kind of people. This kind of person does a huge damage to his own psychology, and his psychology is often dark and distorted.At the same time, after destroying their own hearts, they tend to destroy the external world. Many cold-blooded killers come out of this kind of crowd, like Holmes, who was the killer in the Colorado movie theater shooting.Killing people is his extreme "behavioral therapy" for his psychological problems. Therefore, there is an interesting phenomenon today. Deciphering the motive of a criminal suspect is equivalent to performing a psychological analysis on him. I want to say that this kind of "unsociable" person, don't look at him as silent, in fact, he has been speaking cruelly to the world in his heart.He withdrew because of low self-esteem, fear of being hurt and other reasons, in order to protect himself psychologically.But the work of psychological protection is only half done. He just prevents himself from being hurt by the outside world, and has not found a sense of existence and value.So, don't think that everything will be fine if he withdraws. He actually has a "feeling of being persecuted": it's all because of this hateful society and the hateful crowd that made him feel like this!He wants "revenge".In his bones, he had an urge to rush out of the darkness, to shock the unprepared world and force it to value its own existence. For this type of killer, seeing the terrified crowd at his gun reaches the extreme, because he has finally found a huge psychological advantage in front of the world and can do whatever he wants. The second example is about "handwashing addiction".My intention is to reveal how psychological protection exacerbates our psychological problems. Any kind of psychological problem has its "symptoms" performance.This "symptom" is a two-faced monster: It is not only a manifestation of psychological problems (if a person has any psychological problems, it must be manifested in language and behavior), but also a kind of "treatment" for it.That is, when we show certain "symptoms", it is actually an alternative "language therapy" and "behavioral therapy" for psychological problems. Why does a person have "handwashing addiction"?He either has a sense of fear or guilt, and washes his hands frantically, hoping to wash away the fear or guilt psychologically. As long as he is not a fool, of course he knows that his hands have been washed clean, but he can't control himself, and he washes repeatedly, desperately, and even rubs his hands bloody, mentally confirming that "I have washed my hands clean." "I have no more fear" or "I have no guilt" before giving up. He couldn't control himself. In fact, he was controlled by the powerful force of psychological protection when his heart was weak. His intellectual structure could only stay aside and watch all this. Here we are only looking at the situation where the handwasher is trying to wash away the fear.Suppose his psychological problem is formed in this way: someone or something has hurt him, and the scene of fear is lingering in front of his eyes, tormenting him painfully. Coincidentally, one day, when he was washing his hands, this fearful situation suddenly appeared in front of him again. So, in order to escape psychologically, he grabbed a life-saving straw and projected it on the action of washing his hands.Because, as long as he concentrates his psychological attention on washing his hands and uses the action of washing his hands to establish an order, he seems to be able to get into this order and escape the fearful situation psychologically. That is to say, crazily washing his hands is a kind of psychological protection for himself, and he is using this kind of action that looks weird to others to treat his fear. The reason why he kept washing his hands after washing them was because his sense of security had not yet been obtained. Fear drove him to force himself to increase the intensity of psychological protection until he was psychologically confirmed to build a shelter. So, what happened to him psychologically from then on?Here's what happened: With the frenzied ritual of washing his hands, he only had to fear that he hadn't made sure it was clean, that he had established a safe order, instead of having to face that fearful situation.But that, if he doesn't frantically wash his hands, brings fear in itself. In other words, here, he already has a double fear: the original fear, and the fear of not rubbing his hands frantically to establish a safe order when washing his hands.Using one fear to treat another fear, the result is that not only the fear is not eliminated, but it is serious and enlarged in the psychological structure. He becomes a "hand washing addiction", and even develops to the point where he will force himself to walk or close the door. Step on and knock a few times regularly. This is what psychological protection does.In order not to make our psychological problems worse, we must clarify why when we make these ridiculous and painful actions? Of course, to solve psychological problems, we must go back to the original source of our fear. Now, let us imagine a person with "persecution delusions" and ask him to demonstrate how psychological protection controls him. This person always feels that someone is going to kill him.A glance or a wrong word from you is a terrible signal for him to kill him. The madman classmate described by Mr. Zhou Shuren, the senior Lu Xun, is actually a "persecuted paranoiac".For example, when he saw that there was no moonlight, he knew it was not good, and when he saw the strange behavior of people on the road, he knew that "they have made arrangements", and he was about to kill him. Of course, the elder Lu Xun was making up stories and using novels to fight against feudalism. But in reality, when a person with "delusion of persecution" acts as if someone is going to kill him, you must be very clear that no one is going to kill him.It was just his psychological feeling, and he believed there was such a thing.This is a "fact" produced and identified by his emotions. This emotion is fear. Each of our emotions, if strong, may produce some kind of "truth" that we mentally want to believe, but may not exist.For example, if we hate a person, we think he is ugly; for example, if we worship a person, we think he is tall and majestic. If pushed to the extreme, a person only sees the "facts" produced by his emotions, and becomes hyperactive, you should know that this person is not just having a psychological problem, he is a mental illness. For businesses, it is actually a business opportunity, or even an industry, to see every emotion and emotion that lurks in people's hearts and can be quickly contagious. We can be sure: people with "delusions of persecution" must have been persecuted before, and they have not yet recovered from that kind of psychological trauma.That said, fear still pervaded his mental fabric. Here, he has the first level of psychological protection, keeping himself in the present, instead of being thrown back to the situation when he was murdered.It was a nightmare that must never be looked back and relive.So fear cannot point to the past, cannot manifest itself as a fear of something, something, or someone in the past. However, in this case, fear is in danger of transforming into anxiety, because there is no object or situation to point it at, which is the most unbearable, because it means that it cannot be captured, confirmed, and fear strikes from all directions , It will completely suffocate and paralyze a person psychologically. what to do?The second layer of psychological protection is activated: transforming anxiety into specific fears that point to someone or something in reality.That is to say, he unconsciously forced himself to imagine and confirm that there was a specific person who wanted to harm him.So, in the past someone hurt a certain person and implanted fear into the latter's psychological structure, but it is the innocent people who pay for this psychological structure! This is the truth about "delusions of being persecuted."What a helpless and ridiculous truth! There are two pieces of advice that I say to some people the most.The first suggestion is, don't argue with the driver on the bus, even if he has a bad temper, let him have a little bit.After all, drivers have to bear a lot of psychological pressure when driving, and you are not equal psychologically.Out of respect, you can let an elderly person who is much older than you, so, out of safety and respect, why can't you let a driver who is much more psychologically stressed than you? The second suggestion is, don't mess with this socially vulnerable group, or someone who obviously seems to have suffered some blows, and speak arrogantly in front of them.They have already been pissed off by many people. The anger is hidden in the psychological structure and has not exploded. You'd better not become the fuse of this explosive. We're not done yet. You must be wondering why a person suffering from "delusions of persecution" would feel that other people's normal eyes, words, and actions seem to have some despicable and evil plots?When the fear is particularly strong, he still thinks that the person who wants to "harm" him is not the same as the person who once harmed him. Doesn't he want to forget those people who should not be good things? For the first question, if you use "sensitive" to explain it, it is not an explanation, but an inability to explain or laziness.It cannot tell us: if unfortunately we meet a person with "delusions of persecution", how should we speak in front of him? The correct and effective answer to this question is: because when his psychological structure is permeated with fear, he has two kinds of ambivalence toward the people he comes into contact with: he hopes to think that the other party wants to harm him, and thus finds an external The subject projects the fear inside and is afraid to experience the fear from the outside that the other party wants to kill him.At this time, whether he thinks the other party is trying to harm him depends on whether the other party's eyes, language, posture, movements, etc. make him feel safe psychologically, and feel that he can control the relationship between them. If you can't make him feel safe psychologically, he will use "delusions of being persecuted" to protect himself psychologically.This is a bit similar to Yang Jia Yang Daxia's classic saying: "If you don't give me an explanation, I will give you an explanation." So, be very careful when speaking to someone who has mild or severe delusions of persecution.If your eyes are erratic, weird, mysterious, disdainful, indifferent, or you are suspected of dealing with him when you talk to him, you are just waiting to be suspected of despicable plots.But at the same time, you must never act as if you are suddenly very close to him, the contrast is too great. This principle also applies when you are dealing with someone who is more sensitive and has low self-esteem-these two kinds of people also have psychological trauma. The second question is, when the fear is relatively strong, why does a person with "delusion of being persecuted" think that the person who wants to "harm" him is in the same group as the person who has harmed him before?There are two kinds of psychological protection: one is that only if he thinks this way, it is reasonable for him to suspect that others want to harm him, otherwise, he will have moral pressure if he suspects others for no reason; Return to the past situation, and regard the person suspected of harming him as an accomplice of the person who harmed him before, so that psychological defense can be carried out in advance. The two psychological protections of persecution delusions can only be exempted from moral pressure and psychological defenses brought about by suspicion that others will harm him and strong fear. I don't know if you have seen it, but a person who can't get out of his psychological trauma and is seized by fear is actually a poor person! A person's "delusion of being persecuted" is not only a "symptom", but also a "treatment" for oneself.He activated many psychological protections and turned into a psychological animal to make himself feel better.However, these psychological protections either make his intellectual structure useless, or just repeat the psychological logic of his fear, without exception, at the cost of killing his intellectual and psychological structure and deteriorating his relationship with the world. One of our weaknesses is that we dare not face the psychological trauma of the past, because we are afraid to experience the fear and shame again.Moreover, the past is the past, and it can no longer be defended, nor can it be attacked.Thus, in the context of trauma, we dare not confront the past and instead overreact to the present. And if we can't get past the past, we will definitely have trouble getting through the present! I feel that when I was analyzing, I was already a little lyrical.Stop quickly. Now, let's pause for 10 seconds.I would like to ask everyone to think about a question: why do we envy others? ... Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, please take a look at one of my personal experiences. Many years ago, I ran into a middle school classmate on the street of my hometown.In those years, not everyone chased girls together. I didn't have anyone else, and I didn't have any relationship with him. The relationship was very ordinary.After graduating from high school, everyone parted ways. It is said that he wandered around and entered a sweatshop. He didn't do well. So after many years of separation, when I reunited with him, what appeared in front of me was already a man with an exaggerated "diaosi" expression on his face. I am very happy to see him, and I am going to recall the past with him and look forward to a better life.However, his reaction was very cold, and his language was very aggressive: "You guys are doing well, right? But what about me? So miserable!" The word he uses is "you", implying that the two people are already in different worlds. Heraclitus said that one cannot step into the same river twice.It seems that two different people can no longer step into the same river. Accidentally got shot, I understand what he meant: envy, jealousy and hatred.Although I am really completely innocent, as long as he thinks I am better than him, my existence itself is already a kind of stimulation to him, a kind of psychological threat, and he must use offensive language Protect yourself psychologically. I was at a loss for words.But I still know that the most correct way to react is to belittle myself quickly, describe myself as a failure and miserable, and at the same time, give him a sincere and innocent smile. In this world, some people will alienate us inexplicably, the reason is only that our existence will belittle the value of his existence in comparison, let him see himself that he cannot accept now, or our existence, he no longer wants To worry, to pay attention. The former kind of people are those who once belonged to the same group as us (classmates, comrades-in-arms, etc.), but did not have much friendship; people. One thing they have in common: alienating us is not "for no reason", it is to protect ourselves psychologically-to avoid being stimulated, or flooded with disappointment, because we do not exist according to their meaning.We are "bewildered" by this, and the only explanation is that we don't understand why they are the way they are, and we mentally prevent ourselves from knowing. The great leader Chairman Mao taught us: There is neither love for no reason nor hatred for no reason in the world.In fact, as far as a person's psychology is concerned, there has never been the concept of "for no reason". The language and behavior that a person seems to be incomprehensible are completely understandable psychologically. Therefore, in interpersonal relationships, when you feel that a person is doing something to you "inexplicably", please stop yourself from saying words like "sick" first!Even if you can't stop yourself, then you should calmly analyze and gain insight into him-"why is this so". In other words, what you have to do is not to describe his behavior as a moral or neurotic phenomenon in one sentence, but to decipher the psychological motivation of his behavior, because what appears in front of you is not a moralist, not a neuropathy, but Is a person, a psychological structure! A girl who worked in a public institution was unbearable to be harassed by her female colleagues, so she asked me for help.这个同事当面一套，背后一套，在她面前扮演好人，而在背后却使劲说她的坏话。 女生告诉我，她几次想发火，当面教训这位“无耻的小人”，但面对凑上来的一张“笑脸”下不了手。她因此非常郁闷，感觉自己被人欺侮而如此懦弱，总是担心这个女同事说自己的坏话，会让自己在单位被孤立。 我问她：“她工作能力没有你强，没靠山，和你也没个人恩怨吧？” 女生惊讶了一下：“啊？我没想到啊。我只感觉她心理有病！” 她心理当然有病！然而，这不是问题的全部真相。其余的，也是最重要的真相是：这个女生被人家嫉恨了。 我很遗憾，女生的反应，表明她只具有用语言来描述别人的行为表象的能力。 我们的所谓感觉、所谓认为，更多时候其实只是一种描述，不是一种洞察！但我们往往以为这就是我们对一个人的洞察，说他是一个什么什么样的人。这里的思维定势是：从一个人的语言、行为表现，我们往往就会说他是一个什么样的人，以为这就是我们对这个人的了解或判断。 right? 然而，我们完全忘记了，当我们这样做时，其实只是对他的语言和行为进行了外在的描述，并不是对内在真相的描述。因为我们并没有对他表现出这些言行的心理结构进行洞察，从中找出真相！ 所以，如果是在博弈中，请把“感觉”“认为”之类会阻止你变得敏锐的词语扔掉！ 在博弈中，假定博弈方是A和B。那么，有几种博弈格局： 当A投入的是头脑，而B只是心理时，B不失败的可能性非常微弱；当A、B投入的同时是头脑，或者心理时，结果如何取决于谁先发制人，谁在头脑上、心理上更强大，以及背后的实力；而当A投入的是心理，B投入的是头脑时，那么，除非有奇迹发生，要不然，A就等着被人在心理上、利益上屠杀吧。 如果是你的亲人或朋友“莫名其妙”地要求你什么，或对你做出了什么呢？假如你的反应只是“莫名其妙”“很怪”“没病吧”之类，那么，我替你的亲人和朋友感到遗憾。 因为你的反应，事实上已经向你和他表明：你骨子里缺乏理解、关心他的意愿和能力，即爱的能力。你和他的关系，从你这一方来说，更多的只是一种生物学和社会学的关系，你只是以头脑、心理、行为去回应他，而非进入他的内心。 更遗憾的是，你不知道这一点，虽然，很幸运，他在失望的情绪反应中，也不知道或不愿去知道这一点。 但幸运是不能长期维持一种关系的！ 绕了一下，可以解密嫉妒在心理上是什么意思了。 在很多情境里，嫉妒就是我们在心里面看不起自己，不满意自己的现状，但是，绝不允许自己意识到——因此，要把心理的能量，投射到一个出现在我们面前、刺激到了我们、让我们看不起自己的人身上！ 简单地说，嫉妒就是我们一种隐秘的心理保护。它的普通表现，是不爽、诋毁、攻击他人，借此获得心理平衡；极端表现，则是把自己的失败算到别人头上，通过毁灭别人这个“刺激源”，来在心理上求生。 为什么说一个人嫉妒别人没有出息？因为在心理保护的驱动下，他把应该用来改变自己、提高自己的心理能量，以一种杀伤自己心理结构的方式浪费掉了。 我们中的大部分人，把很多时间和精力浪费在应付盲目而神秘的心理保护上，陷在它的牢笼中，无力挣脱，或不想挣脱，甚至干一些无聊的、痛苦的事情，就是为了能够在心理上求生。如果把自己“解放”出来，会让一个人做出多大的成就，会让一个人获得多大的幸福？ 我想说，无论是当“小三”报复父亲，装失败后使劲辩解，玩孤僻，用“洗手癖”摆脱恐惧，还是嫉妒、自恋、攻击别人，否认某件事情，逃避，别人骂了我们的偶像就不爽，等等，都是在进行心理保护。心理保护像幽灵一样无时不在，盲目、强大而无边无际。 但在这里要强调一下：不是所有的心理活动，都是在玩心理保护。我不喜欢玩夸张这一文学修辞手法。 心理保护是在你的心理生存受到威胁的时候才启动，其他情况就不是了。比如，你爱一个人，当然不是心理保护啦！