Chapter 11 Chapter Ten Infidelity and Duty Infidelity and Duty

There is no distinction between east and west, and men's infidelity has existed in ancient and modern times.Although the number of women in this area has increased recently, numerically, men still make up the absolute majority. Such tendencies can also be seen in nature.In most living things, one male animal mates with multiple female animals to reproduce offspring.For this reason, we can often see that in order to compete for female animals, male animals will fight to the death.For example, in the seals living in Antarctica, the strong males can possess all the females in a group, just like the emperor owns the Sannomiya Rokuin.

Here I think of one thing.The hostess of a small restaurant I often go to told me that there used to be many wild cats gathered around her restaurant because of the abundant food sources.When the estrus period comes, the number of male cats increases sharply. In order to compete for female cats, they make strange hissing sounds every night, which is quite noisy.But once the female cats became pregnant and gave birth to kittens, so many male cats disappeared without a trace. "Male thing, that's what it is." The hostess said this with a wry smile, perhaps at this time she thought of what human beings do.

The males scatter their seeds everywhere, and the females use them to conceive the next generation. This is the law of nature.Since human beings are also members of nature, so are they by their very nature.In a sense, the so-called "wild food" of men is closely related to the male instinct to reproduce offspring and reproduce seeds. On the other hand, compared with other animal worlds, the spiritual consciousness of human society is highly developed, and people will not be driven by instinct alone to have relationships with various women at will. In today's society, most advanced countries, including Japan, practice monogamy.Any behavior contrary to it is regarded as a violation of social morality, which is condemned by public opinion.In particular, the resulting friction between families and husbands and wives will bring a huge burden to the parties involved and related personnel.

However, in fact, there are very few men who stay away from "wild food" because of this.Regardless of the actual situation, as long as they are men, they generally have at least a desire to try.From this point of view, no matter how serious and honest a gentleman is, it is possible to join the team of "wild food". The problem of monogamy should be considered in essence.But if you go too deep, you may lose sight of the main topic we are discussing this time.Here, we turn our attention to why men usually feel dull about married life, and conduct in-depth research on this point.

After three to four years of marriage, both men and women are prone to mutual boredom.During this period, the husband and wife gradually got to know each other, and their lives gradually stabilized, entering a cycle of cycles without any extra excitement or joy.At this time, both men and women can be said to know each other very well to a certain extent, lose the initial freshness, and become blind to each other.In addition, at this time, the wife enters the period of childbirth and puts most of her energy on raising the children. She no longer behaves like a bird to her husband, and she also becomes sloppy with her own clothes.Over time, men will naturally get tired of this two-person world.

Both men and women in love should try their best to show their beautiful side to each other.Once you get married and start living together, both parties don't care about their image in the other's mind.Because marriage means the repetition of daily life, and it seems impossible to pretend to be serious.Then the wife would have no problem letting her husband see her sleepy, unmakeup face.And men can also bring out a casual side that they didn't show during the relationship.Although the more the two parties reveal their hidden side, the easier it is to lose the sense of mystery between each other, but at the same time, they can get along with each other unsuspectingly and relax completely.People who work outside have to pay attention to their image all day long and are under various pressures. Only when they return home can they find their own world and relax.

Love can be said to be a non-daily thing, and marriage can completely expose each other's nature.Hence the shadow of burnout.In fact, in families, the two tend to go hand in hand.People have to pay the price of giving up romance in search of comfort and relaxation, and burnout ensues as a result. In day-to-day life, after some people discover the personality and hobbies of the other party that they have not been aware of in love, they will say things such as "I didn't expect him (she) to be such a person" or "If I didn't know it at the beginning, I would like to say something about it." I would not have married him (her) if I knew what he (she) was like if I had known him (her) earlier.” Such regrettable words.There are also some people who have not reached the point of regretting, but during the relationship, they see each other as perfect and charming from the perspective of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", but once they live together, the same content will become the root of trouble. Happens between most couples from time to time.

Heard an editor say something like this before.He was married in his forties and had been ten years now.In his life, he began to notice that his wife squeezed the toothpaste very randomly, and there were always many dents on the toothpaste after squeezing.He is a strict person in everything, and he is used to squeeze toothpaste from the back of the toothpaste tube when squeezing toothpaste. If he does not do this, he always feels uneasy.One morning he couldn't hold it any longer, and yelled at his wife, "Can you squeeze the toothpaste from the back half in a regular way every time, I hate the way you squeeze the toothpaste carelessly." As soon as he said it, his wife immediately retorted: "Okay, let me also tell you what I hate about you." She pointed out many things wrong with the man in one breath.As a result, the two had a big quarrel.

To be honest, I found it very interesting when I listened to his narration.This is indeed the case in married life. The two sides often argue endlessly over trivial and innocuous things.The result is often that the two sides compromise with each other and get back together.In repeating this seemingly boring contradiction, the two continue to adapt to each other.This is how middle-aged couples actually live. The above-mentioned short story vividly reflects the subtle changes in the relationship between men and women as time goes by.If the husband is in a relationship, he probably finds that toothpaste indentation cute.However, in the day-to-day lives of the two, the love gradually faded, and the same thing was regarded as indecent.The wife also admired her husband's rigid personality when she was in love, but once married, she would scoff at it. As a dignified man, he cares so much about things like squeezing toothpaste. It's really too small-minded. As a man Should be bolder.It can be seen that many things appear attractive in love, but become less lovely or even annoying in daily life.If such things increase, it means that the husband and wife have begun to feel tired and exhausted.

For men, when interacting with the same woman, although they gradually adapt to the sexual relationship with each other, they seldom deepen their understanding of sex in order to make themselves more mature.Similarly, when having relationships with different women, although you can experience a sense of novelty, it is difficult to deepen the connotation of your own sexual pleasure in the process of this time after time.Because his pleasure only comes from the fact that other women can also respond sexually. Compared with this, women generally gradually understand and mature in the process of having a relationship with a specific man.Moreover, women are not as tired of maintaining sexual relationships with the same partner as men are.On the contrary, in skin-to-skin dating, their own sexual feelings will become richer and sharper day by day, and they will become more and more inseparable from each other.There are considerable differences between men and women in the process of producing sexual feelings.

Men's desire for sex seems to focus on the physical aspect on the surface.actually not.Generally speaking, spiritual factors are more dominant.Men's sexual curiosity and anticipation can often make their desire for sex even higher, and this spiritual excitement can cause erections that are indispensable for sexual behavior.Without this layer of connotation, sex would seem bland to men. If the other party is the opposite sex who is dating for the first time, or has a secret relationship behind someone's back, or reunites after a small farewell, no doubt this kind of spiritual excitement will be even higher. Therefore, when a husband is attracted by a woman other than his wife, this woman does not necessarily have to be better than his wife, as long as he can feel fresh and innocent breath from her, it is enough to make the man's blood boil.Of course, if this woman is better than his own wife, that's even more of a problem. When a wife finds out that her husband is having an affair, her self-esteem takes a serious hit, and she will force her to ask, "What's so good about that woman?" In fact, this question is a bit off topic.The following answer may sound like sophistry. In fact, the husband likes other women not because she is better than his wife in any way, but because he can get a moderate sense of tension from her that his wife cannot provide.Many people feel incomprehensible to those men who are restless and self-confident, "there is such a virtuous wife in the family..." But no matter how virtuous the wife is, once a man gets tired of this, his eyes will naturally turn to other targets. In a calm and monotonous married life, when a man is tired of his wife, if there is another woman who can get close to him, he will immediately run to her without saying a word.That's it, most men are thinking, indulge yourself if you get the chance.Roughly speaking, 70% to 80% of men will not let go of the opportunity; another 10% have no desire to live a happier life with their wives; Among modern men, few people think that "wild eating" is shameful. On the contrary, if they hear that a friend has had such an experience, they will be envious, even jealous, and almost no one will be proud of not having such an experience. In the final analysis, although males, as male animals, do not regard "wild food" as their ultimate goal, they are yearning for it, and there are actually not a few men who are eager to realize this dream. In recent years, there has been an increase in cases of women starting extramarital affairs and dating men other than their husbands.However, the figure is still far lower than that of men.When the husband and wife were young, the wife did her best to support her husband, but once the husband succeeded, the husbands who became financially well-off became restless.There are many such situations. Once such a thing happens, the wives will strongly condemn their husbands: "When the times are hard, we love each other..." It is true that these "dirty wives" have been doing their best to support their husbands' careers for a long time.At the same time, it was in this long-term and difficult life that they lost their unique charm as women in the eyes of their husbands and evolved into mother-like trustworthy but asexual family members. Here, if the relationship between men and women is reversed and men are asked "do they feel the sexual charm of their wives", the answers will be different. It's a bit of a challenge to get a husband to be overwhelmed by his already yellow-faced wife.Nine out of ten successful men who have gained wealth and status in society will empathize with others.Of course, they have a deep sense of guilt for their wives who have struggled with them so far, but it is still difficult to control their own impulses. Having said that, most men do not abandon their wives to marry other women.In the final analysis, this is because for a man, the family is the place where he recuperates and heals his trauma over the years.For a man living in society, setbacks and failures are inevitable no matter how powerful he is.As a result, men turn to their families for a place of comfort and healing.In the wife the husband finds motherly comfort which is often not available to the young lover. For the so-called "dirty wives", the husband is usually forty-five to fifty years old when he is successful in his career. At this time, the wife is no longer young, so the husband feels that even if he has been unfaithful, the wife will not. So easy to file for divorce.In real life, there are really very few wives who file for divorce just because their husbands are unfaithful to them. This is mainly because it is difficult for wives to give up their current stable economic status.From this point of view, the couple are in a "collusion" relationship. For those men who have worked hard to achieve success, being unfaithful to their wives or "hunting wild food" outside can be understood as a sign of success in life, but when he fails, he will return to his wife's arms again.There may be many women who can't understand this, but in fact men's true thoughts are like this, they want to have wives and lovers at the same time. The idea of ​​men's longing for "wild food" is closely related to their sexual physiological structure.Male sexual activity begins with penile erection and ends with ejaculation.This is the fundamental difference in sexual physiology between men and women: men release, women receive.This difference caused the inconsistency between the two sexual feelings.The woman is in a position of acceptance, and the possibility of pregnancy, as a result of the male's reckless release. Male sexual behavior can be carried out at will regardless of the object.However, if women who are recipients do not have certain psychological or spiritual preparations, it is difficult to engage in sexual behavior.Although it is also sexual, it can be seen that the male is frivolous and the female is cautious.This fundamental difference determines that men tend to have the urge to "hunt wild food" and put it into practice. Even if they haven't reached the last step, it can be said that they have imagined "wild food" countless times in their hearts on weekdays. Play wild food". For example, the boss in the company invites the female employees who are subordinates to dinner to discuss various matters.Maybe the woman will simply understand this matter as an approachable move by the boss, but in fact the boss's intention may be that "drunkards don't mean to drink."Although in principle he also realizes that he can't make mistakes and tries his best to control himself, but in his heart he can't help but describe the scene of being in a relationship with this female employee, that is, he will engage in so-called "sexual obscenity". There are many such examples . Many husbands who have cheated on their wives harbor a sense of guilt towards their wives, but even then they have trouble controlling themselves. Of course, most men are unwilling to break up with their wives, so in order not to let their wives know, they are in a state of fear all the time.After being windy outside, when you return home, you will be very kind and gentle to your wife.If the wife is suspicious of this, they will make a gesture of flat denial.The husband does this to maintain the existence of the family.If in the end their actions are exposed, then most husbands will kneel down and bow their heads to their wives out of family considerations to confess their sins. However, as a wife, you can't take it lightly. No matter how much it is emphasized that men's nature is to like the new and dislike the old, they often seek extra stimulation for the sake of impulse, but one thing is certain, that is, the relationship between husband and wife of men who go out to "hunt wild food" is often dull.Most of this is related to the wife's laziness, indiscretion, arrogance and other behaviors. If the wife does not reflect on this, but just blames the husband blindly, it may cause the husband to undergo essential changes and push him towards his lover. It can be said that it is a man's nature to be unfaithful to his wife, and there is nothing to make a fuss about.However, if the wife does not handle it properly, it will cause the men to abandon their families and embark on this road of no return without hesitation. In short, wives should neither yell at men's infidelity too loudly, nor ignore it, because it is very difficult to grasp the scale. So far, readers must have understood why most men are interested in "wild food". In this way, as long as there is a marriage relationship between men and women, this kind of situation will not disappear ? The answer is both yes and no. The reason for affirmation is that from the current marital status, it is indeed impossible to eliminate the husband’s infidelity, but on the other hand, as long as the marital status is transformed, this phenomenon can still be greatly reduced.So in this sense the answer is no. Here, we can analyze this situation with reference to the situation of seafarer couples.The relationship between husband and wife of seafarers on ocean-going fishing vessels is recognized as the most harmonious. This is because the period when the husband and wife cannot live together is very long.The difference between the crew and the husbands working alone in other places is that there are only men on board, and they have no chance to contact other women.When berthed in the port, in order to satisfy the temporary sexual desire, the crew can go ashore and spend money to buy sex, but since the berthing time is only a day or two at most, it is generally unlikely to develop a particularly deep relationship with a specific woman. In this way, after the couple has been separated for a period of time, the husband will miss his wife very much, and the relationship between husband and wife will therefore maintain a very good and harmonious state.Of course, not all crew couples are like this. In short, maintaining a certain sense of distance and tension between husband and wife will help to enhance each other’s freshness. This will improve the relationship between the husband and wife and reduce the husband’s infidelity. benefit. However, I don't know whether it is luck or misfortune. In recent years, as women have gradually become active in various fields of society, the number of long-distance love and separation between two places has begun to increase.Since the two parties are not together on weekdays, once they get together, they will be like glue, and they will not be separated for a moment.Compared with couples who live together every day, this kind of couples are full of freshness and it is easier to maintain a good relationship. Conversely, the more stable the married life, the greater the risk of the husband's infidelity. In this regard, the wife must not think that she can sit back and relax after getting married. Of course, there are also a large number of couples whose relationship has been very stable after marriage, and they love each other very much.One of the reasons is that the husband and wife get along very well, so they get along well; another reason may be that the husband has no courage to be unfaithful. The latter case is another matter.In real life, there are not many situations where you meet a like-minded partner with only one marriage. More often, as the years go by after marriage, each other will gradually realize that what you see when you are in love is the charm of the other party. On the one hand, in fact, the two sides are not always the same. In order to avoid such embarrassment, the custom of trial marriage is currently popular in countries such as France and the Netherlands, that is, the man and woman live together for a period of time before getting married, and if they get along well, they will get married and become a real couple.In a sense, this approach is a wise move.In ancient Japan, a form of marriage called "foot marriage" (note) was once popular, which has some similarities with the aforementioned trial marriage customs. As we all know, cohabitation before marriage can also lead to unhappiness. From this point of view, the idea of ​​a life-long marriage is quite problematic. Furthermore, if the couple can't get along no matter what, then it is better to cut the mess and start a new life than to maintain the marriage and end up scarring each other. However, similar to Europe and the United States, although divorce is not very difficult legally in Japan, the whole society has the idea that divorce is considered immoral, so divorce is not an easy task in reality. Compared with young couples, it is not a big problem, but if couples in their 30s and 40s want to divorce, they will face the problem of child support. If the company they work for is conservative, it is very likely to affect their own future. These invisible rules and regulations are extremely important. The earth increases the difficulty of divorce. As a result, there is a family in which the relationship between husband and wife deteriorates and they hate each other but they still have to live together.This situation is bound to prompt the husband to look for a woman who suits him outside. The social atmosphere where divorce is difficult in Japan distorts the normal relationship between husband and wife, making it difficult to properly resolve existing problems. Suppose the wife notices that her husband flirts with other women, then the most important thing for the wife who starts to feel uneasy at this time is to judge whether the husband is sincere or acting on the spot.As mentioned in the previous article, what a man may seek at first is only a short-term stimulation, but once he loses control, a momentary infidelity is likely to turn into a lifelong betrayal.So this must not be taken lightly.On the one hand, wives don't have to make a fuss about the husband's playful infidelity, otherwise it will backfire and affect the relationship between husband and wife. Dealing properly with this aspect is not easy, and if the wives are more measured, there is a good chance that the husbands will eventually return to their wives even though they are temporarily with other women.Conversely, if the wife just blindly blames her husband hysterically, then she may push her husband to other women.What plays an important role here is the husband's sense of guilt and the wife's measure. If the wife has a certain measure, then she can often control the development of the situation.Of course, this cannot be generalized. What needs to be emphasized is that it is necessary for a wife to make corresponding adjustments to her own strategies according to the degree of her husband's infatuation with the other party. So, how to distinguish whether the husband's extramarital affair is a temporary play or a sincere investment? In front, we have already discussed this issue. As a man, he always wants to pursue new relationships between men and women, and desires to have sex with different women.So if it happens that your husband has an affair with a certain woman, you can't conclude that your husband has completely devoted himself to this romantic game. The reason for saying this is because men have an animal instinct, that is: even if he It is possible to have a relationship with a woman without any love for her, but if there is no love component at work, sooner or later the sexual relationship between a man and a woman will gradually fade and eventually disappear. Male sex, in a sense, is similar to the hunting instinct of animals.To take it to an extreme, sometimes a man loses interest in her shortly after the relationship with a woman, and then moves on to his next prey.Men will love the new and dislike the old whenever they have the chance, at least they always have such a mentality deep in their hearts. Such is the case with a man's desire that, once he has been in constant association with a particular woman other than his wife for a few years, the nature of the situation becomes serious.It is difficult for us to use specific data to show how many years after dating there will be problems, but in general, if the time is more than two or three years under normal circumstances, it means that he has very deep feelings for the other party.If it continues for another four or five years, then although the man is more or less tired of the woman in sex at this time, basically he is very likely to love this woman for life.In this way, the problem becomes tricky. In this case, if the woman is older than the man, things will be more troublesome.If the woman is younger, the man is often attracted to her physically at first, but after experiencing a period of earth-shaking sex, the relationship between the two will stop there.This kind of situation is not uncommon, especially when the woman is in her twenties, they often act on the spot and will not bear the huge psychological pressure that a wife must bear, so when the time is right, they will The torrent retreated bravely. However, when women gradually enter their thirties from the age of twenty-five, the cases of establishing a strong relationship with the man will suddenly increase.At this time, the relationship between men and women is not only about appearance or body, but more about the pursuit of spiritual bonds and the resulting peace, such as trust.Women of this age group have an irresistible charm for men both physically and temperamentally. To sum up, the fact that men are unfaithful to their wives, go out for "wild food" and then develop into sincere devotion is often because they have many things that cannot be satisfied from their wives, so they have to seek them from other women.For example, if the wife is a woman who has an intellectual temperament and is well-informed, then the husband may be interested in women who are not very sharp in mind but gentle and considerate in character and have family values; conversely, if the wife is only good at housework, then A husband may be attracted to a woman who is energetic and dedicated to work.In the final analysis, this is not only the willfulness of men, but also their true desire. A man is always eager for a new romantic affair, but if the momentary flirting is not controlled, he may fall into a deep emotional vortex and truly fall in love with the other party.When such a thing happened, it cannot be said that the wife was not responsible at all. Of course, not every man who desires to be romantic can find a suitable woman.Just because women also have the right to choose, no matter how strong a man's desire is, as long as the woman does not accept it, good things will not be achieved after all.In other words, it takes considerable effort for a man to associate with a woman other than his wife. The hard work mentioned here refers to sincerity, physical strength and economic strength.While having a family, the above three conditions must be met in order to associate with women.For men, it is another matter if they are only satisfied with one or two sexual relations, but it is not easy to maintain this kind of relationship for a long time.Rather than being so difficult, many men find it easier to play with their children or go to a gambling establishment for entertainment.The reason for paying such a high price to associate with women other than wives is mostly due to the boredom of wives.If the relationship with his wife is harmonious, a man will never go so hard to find other women. Therefore, for a wife, when she learns of her husband's affair outside, first of all, she should not blindly blame the other party, but also need to reflect on her own problems. For example, have you ever adopted an attitude that easily hurt your husband?If the husband who has been coming home late suddenly came back early one day, and asked, "Is there anything to eat?" How would you answer at this time?Generally speaking, the husband has not been at home for dinner, and it is easy to be in a hurry when such a situation occurs suddenly. "It's annoying to come back to dinner suddenly. You don't usually eat at home, so you don't prepare at all. Wouldn't it be better to call beforehand if you come home for dinner?" With such an answer, he will feel that he is being treated as persona non grata, and a man with high self-esteem will be unhappy about it. If the wife can say at this time: "I'm sorry, let me do something simple now." The result will definitely be very different. Men value face more than women think.Of course, women also have their own self-esteem, but relatively speaking, men who have been educated to "be like a man" since childhood will feel extremely unhappy once they lose face due to something.He will become moody.Women understand this characteristic of men, and sometimes they don't think so in their hearts, but as long as they treat the man with courtesy, the relationship between husband and wife will be surprisingly harmonious.Ultimately, this strategy is a step back as a wife. Men also often say: "I'm just the Monkey King in the palm of the Tathagata Buddha." The Tathagata Buddha mentioned here is the wife who is well versed in the way of husband and wife. In short, the most unbearable thing for men is the denial of their own personality; the second is the contempt for their own status and income; the third is sexual frustration.If the husbands are mercilessly mocked and ridiculed by their wives in these respects, they feel humiliated and fall into a miserable situation, and at the same time they develop a strong hatred for their wives. Those who can speak disrespectful words to their husbands naturally have their own dissatisfaction.These dissatisfaction can be assuaged by a husband who respects his wife's fantasies at such times with a suitable reassuring word.However, Japanese men who are naturally clumsy in expression often fail to do this, and it is necessary for men to deeply reflect on this. Perhaps it can be said that both men and women are responsible for the issue of husband and wife.Many conflicts between men and women start with small things. It can be said that "if a small hole is not repaired, a big ship will suffer." Therefore, the small conflicts between couples should not be taken lightly on weekdays. How to avoid discord and ensure a happy coexistence depends entirely on the wisdom and self-cultivation of the couple. The wisdom and self-cultivation here have nothing to do with the level of academic qualifications and academic performance.Although many people were born in prestigious universities and have excellent academic performance, they are very slow in dealing with interpersonal relationships.It is reasonable for such a person to have problems in family life. Susceptibility can be described as a part of the basic character of human beings. If the two parties disagree in this respect, it will naturally lead to the phenomenon that both husband and wife have their own love. In real life, there are many examples of couples who are at odds due to differences in sensibilities between them.Although there are many families that have no real content, they are still barely maintained. It can be said that this is also a characteristic of Japanese society.If such families further increase in the future, the so-called "husband and wife relationship" will become dead in name only. Note: Foot Marriage, a form of marriage in ancient Japan.For a period of time after the wedding, the couple lived in the woman's natal home, and then moved to the man's home.