Chapter 102 Gentle and subtle persuasion

The British military strategist Harry once said: "In strategy, the long circuitous road is often the shortest way to achieve the goal." In the process of persuading others, if we can neither quickly find the best breakthrough point nor confront it head-on in a war of attrition, then we might as well make detours, curves to save the country, and winding paths to lead to secluded places. In 265 BC, not long after the Queen Mother Zhao of the State of Zhao came to power, the State of Qin sent troops to attack.The state of Zhao asked for help from the state of Qi.Qi Guo proposed that the youngest son of Empress Dowager Zhao, Chang'an Jun, must be taken as a hostage before he would send troops to rescue him.But Empress Dowager Zhao was reluctant to part with her youngest son and resolutely refused.The state of Zhao was in critical condition, and all the ministers came to remonstrate one after another.Empress Dowager Zhao still said resolutely: "From now on, if anyone proposes to use Lord Chang'an as a hostage again, I will spit in his face!" The ministers dared not say anything more.

One day, Master Zuo Chulong asked to meet Queen Mother Zhao.Empress Dowager Zhao thought that Chulong must have come to persuade her, so she put on a posture of spitting.I don't want Chulong to walk forward slowly, met the Queen Mother Zhao, and said with concern: "The old minister has a problem with his feet, and it is difficult for him to walk, so he has not been able to see the Queen Mother for a long time. I am worried that the Queen Mother's jade body is not in harmony, so I came to visit today. How is the Empress Dowager doing recently? Has the appetite not decreased?"

Empress Dowager Zhao replied: "I eat porridge every day." Chu Long said: "I have lost my appetite recently, but I insist on walking every day, so my appetite has increased and my health has gradually improved." When Queen Mother Zhao heard that Chu Long did not mention the hostage, her anger gradually subsided.The two chatted cordially and harmoniously. While chatting, Chu Long begged the Queen Mother Zhao: "My youngest son is called Shu Qi, and he is the least talented, but I love this youngest son the most. I beg the Queen Mother to allow him to be a guard in the palace."

Empress Dowager Zhao quickly asked Chu Long, "How old is he?" Chu Long replied: "Fifteen years old. Although he is young, I want to entrust him to you as soon as possible while I am alive." Empress Dowager Zhao felt the same way when she heard Chu Long's words of love for her youngest son, so she couldn't help chatting with him. Empress Dowager Zhao said: "I really didn't expect that you men also love your youngest son?" Chu Long said, "I'm afraid I love my younger son more than you women." Seeing that the time had come, Chu Long took the topic a step further and said:

"The veteran thinks that the Queen Mother does not love her youngest son enough, far less than the Queen Mother loves her daughter." The Queen Mother disagrees with Chu Long's statement. Chu Long explained: "Parents love their children and must make long-term plans for their children. Back then, when the Queen Mother sent her daughter to marry the country of Yan, although she was sad for her far away, she prayed that she would not return to the country one day. I hope that her children and grandchildren will be kings in the country of Yan one after another. The queen mother thinks so long for her, this is true love."

Queen Mother Zhao nodded in conviction.Chu Long went on to say: "Although the Empress Dowager has given Lord Chang'an a lot of land and jewels, if he is not made to contribute to the State of Zhao, will Lord Chang'an be able to stand on his own after a hundred years from the Empress Dowager? So I say that the Empress Dowager does not really love Chang'an Lord .” Chu Long's words convinced the Queen Mother Zhao, and agreed to prepare chariots, horses and gifts for Mr. Chang'an, send him to Qi State as a hostage, and urged Qi State to send troops.And Qi State also quickly sent troops to break the siege of Zhao State.

Chu Long's method of persuading the Empress Dowager Zhao is a model of the strategy of using detours to lead to seclusion. In April 1964, Marshal Chen Yi, then Chinese Foreign Minister, led a delegation to Jakarta, the capital of Indonesia, to attend the preparatory meeting for the Second Asian-African Conference.As soon as he met with Indonesian President Sukarno, he found that the two sides did not agree.According to Sukarno's intention, the location of the second Asian-African Conference is still in Bandung, Indonesia, and the time is set in that year.Chen Yi expressed his thoughts: the first Asian-African Conference had already been held in Bandung, and the second Asian-African Conference should be held in an African country.

Obviously, the views of the two sides were inconsistent, which cast a shadow on the preparatory meeting and planted the fuse of the dispute.In order to stick to his point of view, persuade Sukarno without losing harmony, and achieve the goal of seeking common ground and broadly uniting international friends, Chen Yi fully respected the other party and took care of the face of Sukarno, the host, from the perspective of being considerate of the other party. So that Sukarno can change his mind and accept his point of view.He told President Sukarno: "There are as many as 40 independent countries in Africa. If your Excellency the President advocates opening in Africa, you are supporting the struggle in Africa. In this way, you stand tall, see far, take the overall situation into consideration, show the demeanor of a statesman, and prove your There is no intention of self-interest, if you go to speak, it will be loud."

This kind of tactful persuasion that puts oneself in Sukarno's shoes does not have the smell of gunpowder in the slightest. It fully embodies the Bandung spirit pioneered by Premier Zhou Enlai.After hearing this, Sukarno felt that it was very reasonable, but he seemed to be in the way of sympathy. Although he nodded in agreement, he was unwilling to completely give up his point of view. The astute Marshal Chen Yi found that the problem had turned around, so he struck while the iron was hot and said humorously: "You are the president, I am the marshal, and I will be your chief of staff. Do you want it?"

Such a gentle and deliberative language not only took care of Sukarno's sympathy, respected the status of the host, but also fully reflected the Bandung spirit of seeking unity.Naturally, Sukarno could not refuse, he could only say yes. The following aspects should be paid attention to when using the method of euphemistic persuasion: Find the axiom.Axioms are principles recognized by everyone.For example, Chu Long said that the elderly love their children, and Chen Yi said that it is axiomatic to consider the overall situation and support the struggle of Africa. Prepare the groundwork.This is the beauty of "wan".

Emphasize commonalities.In almost any dispute, there are certain opinions that both parties agree on, and these should be emphasized; if the differences of opinion are overemphasized, the other party will inevitably be dissatisfied. Do not make comments that embarrass or embarrass the other person in the presence of others. Keep a cheerful attitude and don't show anger or impatience.Keep your voice gentle and pleasant, avoid interrupting the other party's speech, and do not frown or shake your head. Say compliments and thank each other more.