Chapter 91 It's better to praise well than to praise cleverly

There is no absolute right or wrong in the world. It is a kind of wisdom to be able to handle everything well.Moderation is beauty, and praising nature should be just right.On the issue of praising others, there are also different scales and different consequences.Appropriate praise is a virtue, but inappropriate praise becomes flattery, which will inevitably be despised.Grasp the measure of praise is very important. In the barracks where the Taiping Army was suppressed, once, Zeng Guofan chatted with several staff members after dinner, commenting on today's heroes.He said: "Peng Yulin and Li Hongzhang are both great talents, which are beyond my reach. I can admit it, but I have never been flattering in my life."

An aide said: "Each has its own strengths: Mr. Peng is mighty, and no one dares to be bullied; Mr. Li is so smart, no one can be bullied." At this point, he couldn't go on.Zeng Guofan asked, "What do you think?" Everyone bowed their heads in thought, and suddenly a young man in charge of copying came out and interjected: "Zeng Shuai is benevolent, people can't bear to be bullied." Everyone applauded and applauded. Zeng Guofan said very proudly: "I dare not be, I dare not be." After the younger generation resigned, Zeng asked his subordinates: "Who is this?" The staff told him: "This person is from Yangzhou. He has been educated, a scholar, and his family is poor. He is cautious in doing things."

After hearing this, Zeng Guofan said: "This man has a great talent, and he should not be buried." Soon, Zeng Guofan was promoted to the governor of Liangjiang, and sent this young man to Yangzhou as a salt transport envoy. If this young man is the first to speak out the words of praise, it will not appear that he stands out.He chooses to express his praise appropriately when others can't continue, which shows his wit. Grasp the timing, that is, your compliment should be related to the topic you are talking about now. Please pay attention to when you use something as an introduction to start complimenting the other party.A topic mentioned by the other party, an experience told, or a certain number he listed, or a reason he explained to you, can all be used as an introduction.

If there is no such opportunity, you can "compose" a suitable "prelude to appreciation" by yourself, so that the other party will not feel that the praise comes too suddenly.May wish to start with a humble and polite sentence: "With all due respect, I want to tell you..." "I often wonder if I can say something about you..." This "prelude" also has two functions: one is to arouse the attention of the listener; the other is to make your praise more sincere and cordial. If you don't judge the situation and master certain skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, you will be self-defeating.It's like you used very expensive ingredients to make a pot of soup, but if the heat is not well controlled, no matter how good the ingredients are, it won't make a delicious soup.Therefore, praise is like making soup, and the heat is very important.Only when the heat is well mastered, the praise will exude a tempting taste.Otherwise, the praise becomes raw or mushy, and it's broken.This will do it:

One is that when complimenting, don't discount it, and don't add some "salt" to sweet words. Some people mistake admiration for others as an opportunity for self-expression.They think that they can prove their "critical thinking ability" through discounted praise, so that they can also stand out and show their rationality and level.For example, they say, "You've been successful all your life. But once, during the financial turmoil, your company was having a hard time, but then again, no one is perfect..." Any discounted appreciation will have flaws, which will have unnecessary negative effects.It is like a black stain on a white tablecloth, so that no matter how people look at this white cloth, they will still see its "flying in the ointment".It destroys the role of appreciation, and wipes out the original liking of the appreciated party. Instead, the criticism of a few "extra collocations" makes people unforgettable.

Beware of this false notion that a discounted admiration has more authenticity and weight.This is wrong thinking.Sometimes you have to give a comprehensive summary and critique of a piece of work, so praise and criticism are inevitably linked.After all, people are more accepting of the way of criticism that always uses praise as a foreshadowing before criticism. The second is not to praise too much, and don't praise suddenly. The first time someone was invited to dinner by his brother's new wife, the bride made him tomato jelly.He hadn't liked the dish, but to thank her, he exaggeratedly said, "This jelly is amazing!" His flattery was remembered by his new wife.For the next 15 years, whenever he visited her home, tomato jelly became a must-have dish!

Compliments can be heard anytime and anywhere, and sometimes, complimenting each other face to face or directly is always a bit flattering.If you change the angle and put it another way, it may be much better.Compliment the other party in a "third party" tone, saying: "No wonder so-and-so has always said that you are very good, I saw you today..." It is conceivable that the other party must be very happy.Therefore, praising a person face to face sometimes makes people feel false and doubts whether you are sincere, but praising the other person indirectly behind the back will make the other person feel that your praise to him is sincere.

Use a long-term perspective to examine the people and things you want to praise, so that your praise can stand the test of time.Don't shoot yourself in the foot.Because in daily life, the embarrassing situation of "the voice has not fallen" is not uncommon.You just praised him for being cautious, but he suddenly made a big mistake for you to see.Before things are done, be sure not to give compliments lightly.Because maybe at the last moment, things have failed.When some people see that success is in sight, they can't help admiring, and even boasted: "This time I must win." But it failed in the end, wouldn't it make people laugh out loud.

Therefore, when praising people, we must "think twice before praising".It is easier to praise something that is relatively stable, such as a person's personality, habits, appearance, etc., but it is often difficult to think about a person's behavior and attitude, so you must be careful when praising.As the saying goes: "It is easy to do a good thing in a lifetime, but it is difficult to do a good thing in a lifetime." Because people are forced by certain pressures and needs, sometimes they will inevitably do wrong things.Therefore, when praising a person, don't talk about the facts, otherwise, if you are not careful, you will become a short-sighted person.