Chapter 90 Use praise to become the beauty of both parties

Mark Twain said: "A compliment can add two months to my life. If you want to succeed in the world, you must master the art of affirming others." How powerful is praise?Praise is like the fragrance of flowers, fragrant and pleasant. Those who can give words of praise to others will be popular, so the most important thing to get along with people is to praise.Christianity sings hymns, and Buddhism sings praises from incense burners, which shows that gods and Buddhas also need to be praised by people, let alone ordinary people.Especially when a person is discouraged, a word of encouragement can bring him back to life; when others are disappointed, a word of praise can bring him back to hope.

Psychologists once did such an experiment: They picked out the most mediocre and inferior girl from a class of college students, and specially arranged for her classmates to change their views on her and express their love and praise for her.So, from this day on, the girl was surrounded by praise and enthusiastic help.Some people praised her, some said she was ingenious, some gave her gifts, some people went home with her every day... A miracle happened. One year later, this girl who was originally unknown and had a strong sense of inferiority became lively and cheerful. Smiling and full of confidence, her academic performance and appearance have also improved greatly compared to before, as if she had changed.

Praise does have such a charm, as long as you understand what a person needs most. When explaining his sales secrets, the Japanese god of sales, Ippei Hara, said: "The secret of sales is to study human nature. The key to studying human nature is to understand people's needs. I found that the desire for praise is the most persistent and deepest need of everyone. "And to generously praise the strengths and achievements of others, you must accept the strengths and strengths of others frankly. If you want to gain friendship, sincerely praise others, and you will surely get your wish.

In 1936, an unknown teacher published a book.The teacher was originally a salesman in Wallensburg, Missouri, USA. He quit his well-paid job and became a teacher. The principle of dealing with others. The young man's name is Dale Carnegie, and his book "How to Win Friends and Influence Others" has been included in the best-seller list by the New York Times for ten years, with sales of more than 10 million copies. What is the essence of Mr. Carnegie's book?Its essence lies in the chapter "The Greatest Secret in Dealing with People", which is also the subject of five chapters in his book. These ideas are not original to Mr. Carnegie. Every successful suitor, every first-rate Manager, every good parent uses this method every day.Carnegie summed it up as: "Praise should be sincere, praise should be enthusiastic."

Dale Carnegie wrote in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People": "Mr. Charlie Schwab was one of the first people who made a million dollars a year. How much? Is it because he knows more steelmaking technology than others? No, Schwab himself said that many of his staff are more skilled than him, and he can get such a high salary because he has good relationships The ability of relationships, his own words reveal his secret: 'I think the people I have are the greatest wealth. My ability is to mobilize their enthusiasm. The way to mobilize the greatest enthusiasm in people's potential is to appreciate and encourage. I believe in the power of material incentives. That's why I'd rather praise than find fault. If you ask me what I like, it's genuine compliments and glowing praise.'”

Sophistical critics have attacked the praise of this technique as hypocrisy and co-optation, and "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has more than once been dismissed as childish.However, telling the truth that everyone loves to hear, is it simple-minded and wins over people's hearts?A pleasing compliment can be the most exciting thing.Please look at something that Dale Carnegie personally experienced: "I was queuing up to send a registered letter at the post office on 8th Avenue and 33rd Street in New York. , handing out stamps, changing money, issuing receipts—the monotony of it, year in and year out. So I said to myself, 'I'm going to find a way to get that guy to like me. Obviously, to get him to like me, I have to say something A nice word, not about me, but about him.’ I asked myself: ‘What is there to admire about him?’ It was a difficult question, especially to a stranger, but today the occasion happened to be easy, and I Immediately found something to appreciate."

"When he read my letter, I said enthusiastically: 'I wish I had hair like yours!'" "He looked up, half surprised, half happy, with a smile on his face: 'Oh! It was better than it is now.'" he said humbly.I'm sure his hair isn't as good as it used to be, but it's still shiny, and he's very happy. We had a nice conversation.Finally, he told me that many people complimented his hair. "One time I told the story publicly. I was asked, 'What do you want from him?'" "If we're so mean and selfish that we can't squeeze a little bit out of other people and give them no joy and admiration, then we're doomed."

"Oh! yes, I did want something from the man. What I got was something priceless--a feeling. It was the feeling that I had done something for him instead of him. I will do anything in return. This feeling will linger in my heart for a long time, even though time has passed, and it is shining brightly." If you, like Mr. Carnegie, look for things to affirm in others, you will also find that there are many amazing good things about them that are worth talking about, and you will get a priceless treasure from it-the feeling of being friendly and harmonious . Emerson said: "I meet people who are better than me in some way."

Complimenting others can urge yourself to improve.In the face of other people's achievements, we should first understand that achievements are won by others' intelligence and hard work, and we should frankly appreciate the fruits of other people's labor and affirm them.At the same time, humbly ask for advice and learn from others' hard-working and progressive spirit.Taking the initiative to ask others to teach you the essentials of learning and work is not only a high praise for the achievements of others, but also can urge yourself to move on. Of course, it takes a certain amount of courage to praise outstanding people, because if you don’t do it well, others will think that you are flattering with ulterior motives.

However, you have to know that such thoughts will make you lack the courage to praise.In this way, you not only lose an opportunity to calmly appreciate the strengths and strengths of others, but also lose an opportunity to abandon your inferiority complex and timidity. Praise can be the beauty of an adult, or the beauty of oneself.A compliment can make others gain warmth and inspire confidence, and it can let us gain inner joy, progress and friendship. In communication, please don't be stingy with compliments.