Chapter 76 Exchange positions to persuade each other

Shakespeare once wrote in "Henry IV": "If there are as many reasons as strawberries, I will not be forced to give him one." Forcing is definitely not the best and most effective way of communication, and it is very likely to produce negative results, and finally run counter to your expectations. Because, just like you can lead a horse to the river, but you cannot force it to drink water, it is actually very difficult for people to persuade others to agree with their views through compulsive actions, or to ask others to do things according to their subjective will. The things they resist in every possible way.

In intricate interpersonal relationships, not everyone has the ability to have both sides.To make others like and believe in you, besides affirming yourself first, you should also explore people's potential psychology, and then use your eloquence to win the other party's approval.Sometimes, when directly persuading the other party is hard to say, you can let the other party stand in your own position for transposition communication. During the Three Kingdoms period, Hua Xin had a great reputation when he was under Sun Quan.After Cao Cao knew about it, he asked the emperor to issue an edict to recruit Hua Xin to Beijing.When Hua Xin set off, more than a thousand relatives and friends came to see him off, presenting him with hundreds of taels of gold and some gifts.Hua Xin didn't want to accept these gifts, but if he refused in person, it would definitely disappoint his friends and hurt their feelings.So he temporarily refused all comers, took all the gifts, and secretly wrote down the giver's name on the gifts he received, in case the originals were returned.Hua Xin hosted a banquet for many friends. When the banquet was about to end, he stood up and said to his friends: "I didn't want to refuse your kindness, but I didn't expect to receive so many gifts. However, everyone is innocent and pregnant. Sin. Thinking about my long trip by bicycle, with so many valuables on me, think about it, am I too dangerous?" Friends heard Hua Xin's intentions, knowing that he didn't want to accept gifts, but they couldn't say it clearly. Make everyone lose face.They felt a kind of respect for Hua Xin in their hearts, and they each took back their gifts.

If Hua Xin declined the gifts from his friends in person, imagine that there are more than a thousand people, who don't know how long it will take to thank them, and they don't know how much they will spend, and it will disappoint everyone, and even feel very embarrassed.But Hua Xin returned everyone's gifts with only a few words, without hurting everyone's feelings, and won the admiration of everyone, which can be said to kill three birds with one stone. What Hua Xin said was from the perspective of the other party. What he meant was: Everyone gave me so many gifts out of consideration for me, but if I carry such gifts alone, I will inevitably be remembered by thieves, and my life will be at stake. There is danger, and my friends will naturally consider me. In order to prevent me from being hurt, everyone should take back the gift.So who would keep a present?Whoever left a gift didn't think about Hua Xin's safety.

When exchanging positions, pay attention to finding common ground with each other in order to narrow the psychological gap between each other.There is a saying that goes well: "For a person who is not easy to persuade, the best way is to make the other person think that you are on the same side as him." Lincoln, the sixteenth president of the United States, once won the hearts of the people with a famous saying "politics created for the people", and was supported by the people. When faced with a situation that needs to be explained, President Lincoln would say: "When I start a discussion, I will find out the common ground of each other's opinions."

In the first 30 minutes of Lincoln's famous speech on the emancipation of the slaves, only some of the opinions of the opponents were described.In this way, he subtly softened the opponent's hostility.Then, he gradually uses his point of view to guide the other party, making them accept his point of view step by step.In the end, the opponents took the initiative to come to Lincoln under the guidance of the views they had accepted. Lincoln's method of persuasion, if viewed from the perspective of potential psychology, has two main points: One is that people often discover the truth when they are suppressed by others, and in turn fully trust each other.

The second is that when "self-discovery", subjectively still believe that it is what you mean, but in fact, this is often the result induced by the persuader. If you emphasize your position from the beginning, the gap between each other will become deeper and deeper, and it will evolve into a situation of "if you have that kind of thinking, then I have to fight you".When the other party has this kind of confrontational state of mind, you will never be able to convince him. Therefore, if there are things to be resolved on the occasion of negotiation, it is also a good way for you to raise the most critical issues in the communication between the two parties at the beginning, because the most difficult issues can be solved, and other issues will be resolved. Of course there will be no problem.

However, the other party must also be very concerned about these key issues, so it is also possible that the situation will deteriorate due to the opposition from the other party from the very beginning of the negotiation.Therefore, in this case, a capable negotiator often pays more attention to empathy from the other party's perspective at the beginning, so that the other party feels that he is considering the issue from his perspective, so as to eliminate the hostile emotion of the other party.