Chapter 58 Good neighborliness is precious

As the saying goes: "A distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor." Neighborhood is a common relationship that everyone will encounter. A good neighborly relationship is like adding a right hand to yourself. When you are in trouble, you can get help from your neighbors.Therefore, handling the relationship with neighbors is very important to our daily life and work. How to improve neighbor relations?We believe that the following principles should be observed in the communication between neighbors. Research by social psychologists has found that there is a phenomenon of "depending on each other" in interpersonal communication.Among strangers, if no one breaks the silence at first, everyone is often silent; if someone talks and laughs, others will respond quickly.That is, we all set an example for each other.The same is true for the communication between neighbors. If no one takes the initiative to communicate with each other, they may not communicate with each other forever; if one of them takes the initiative, everyone will become intimate with each other.Active communication is not only the beginning of neighborhood communication, but also the basis of neighborly friendly communication.

Therefore, we must overcome closedness, develop harmonious neighborhood relations, and increase the initiative of communication.Interpersonal communication is interactive, and only in the interaction can people get to know each other better and deepen their feelings.However, at the beginning of the relationship, there must always be one party who is more active.For some unfamiliar neighbors, you might as well take the initiative to ask their surnames and names, take the initiative to take various opportunities, such as shopping for vegetables, picking up children from kindergarten, etc., to talk about topics related to them, and find out the interests and common points of both parties .This laid the foundation for further exchanges.

Strict self-discipline means that in the process of communication, we must strictly demand ourselves and not affect others because of our own happiness and convenience.For example, do not occupy too many public areas; try to keep the sound as low as possible during lunch and evening breaks, and do not make loud noises.Strictly demanding yourself is a civilized and cultivated way of communication, and it is also a code of conduct and moral code that should be observed in interpersonal communication. As the saying goes: "He who loves others will always love them, and those who respect others will always respect them." It refers to the infectious effect of noble moral cultivation in interpersonal communication.

In the Ming Dynasty, a man surnamed Dong from Shandong was an official in the capital, and his family sent him a letter saying that there was a dispute between his family and his neighbors over building a house and walls, and he was asked to intervene.After seeing the letter, this person wrote a poem to his family: "A thousand miles of books are just for the wall, and I can't help but make me laugh. You benevolent and we are close neighbors, so why not give up the two walls?" His family was inspired after receiving the letter, Take the initiative to give up some places when building walls.Its neighbors have also been educated and voluntarily surrendered some places.As a result, after the walls of the two houses were built, an eight-foot-wide aisle was formed in the middle.This aisle is called "Renyi Hutong" by later generations.

This story tells that if people in the neighborhood can strictly demand themselves, restrain self-interested desires, be courteous to each other, and are not afraid of suffering, conflicts will be reduced or avoided. People often use "as close as a family" to describe the good relationship between neighbors.Neighbors get along for a long time and often help each other, forming a relatively close relationship.This kind of neighborhood friendship has brought a lot of convenience and happiness to both parties.But no matter how deep this kind of friendship is, it is only a friendship between neighbors, and the principle of "non-interference in internal affairs" must not be forgotten.

People living in society have both common social attributes and independent personality qualities.Everyone has their own range of activities, and different people's circles of activities will never completely overlap.Personal matters, as long as they do not harm society or others, there is no need to get to the bottom of it.Things like private life, family status, and religious beliefs are the personal rights of individuals. No matter how good the relationship between neighbors is, one cannot make unreasonable comments, let alone substitute personal feelings for the will of others, otherwise good intentions will not be rewarded.Some close neighbors suddenly deteriorated, and even turned against each other. The reason is that the boundaries of neighborhood communication have been exceeded.

Neighbors should take the initiative, be enthusiastic, and help each other, and cannot close their doors and turn a blind eye to the urgent matters of the neighbors.For the elderly in the neighborhood, patients with limited mobility and other people who have difficulties in life, we should actively help them solve their difficulties, make them feel the warmth of neighborhood relations, and enhance their courage and strength in life. Communication between neighbors is a two-way emotional exchange.If you want others to respect you, you must respect others. Mutual help and mutual respect are important means to improve and develop neighborhood relations.Understanding others and restraining yourself are consistent.If neighbors come together from all over the world, with different personalities, different hobbies, and living habits, they need mutual understanding and respect all the more.

Someone summed up the "three precepts" for dealing with neighborhood relations for reference: One quit telling tales.Some neighbors are used to gossip and gossip: they make irresponsible remarks when they see other people dressed up; the host next door becomes suspicious when a female guest comes to their house; , often causing conflicts between neighbors.An effective way to get rid of this phenomenon is not to give market to the tell-tale, neither to inquire about the private affairs of the neighbors, nor to listen to one side. Two quit being suspicious.Conflicts between neighbors are often caused by misunderstandings, or by being suspicious and habitually generalizing.As the saying goes: "People are not sages, who can do nothing?" Everyone who has done something wrong has a sense of guilt, which requires tolerance and understanding from others.Tolerance and understanding itself is a kind of warmth and strength, which makes people feel comforted.If you blindly blame the neighbors who have done wrong, it will cause them to have antagonism and rebellious psychology.

The three precepts are beggar-thy-neighbor.During the Warring States period, there was a man named Bai Gui who boasted that he was good at water control. Mencius criticized him, saying that if you build embankments to keep water from flowing to other countries, you are actually using neighboring countries as gullies to drain the flood.Later generations used "beggar-thy-neighbor" to describe those who only care about their own interests and pass the disaster on to others.When getting along with neighbors, you must not sweep away your own road but block the road of others; if you don't want to pour dirty water on your own door, you should pour dirty water on the neighbor's door...

If everyone abides by the rules of communication between neighbors, the conflicts among neighbors will be greatly reduced.If conflicts arise, don't get emotional.The best way is to seek common ground while reserving minor differences through calm coordination on the basis of mutual understanding. As long as you hold the attitude that peace is the most important thing, conflicts will not be difficult to resolve. 1. It is necessary to distinguish not only the role relationship with the other party, but also the various role relationships among the people. 2. Make good use of the word "chang": in life, you should visit relatives frequently, keep in touch with friends, often find opportunities to socialize with neighbors, and communicate with relevant people in the workplace.

3. Speak in line with your position in the role, don't speak offside, and offend people who shouldn't be offended. 4. Be careful not to act arbitrarily, and make more investigations before deciding.