Chapter 41 Flexible handling of "face" issues

In the film, Lin Daiyu's self-esteem is extremely strong, but whenever she feels that her self-esteem has been hurt, she treats it with a bitter attitude, and as a result, she has no "mass foundation" for herself.Contrary to her, Xue Baochai is able to "magnify" things that damage her self-esteem, and often turns a blind eye to Daiyu's sour and jealous sarcasm. From the mother-in-law to the elders, the popularity is very good. It can be seen that self-esteem varies from person to person and from event to event. It is a very flexible thing.For people with extreme self-esteem, they put face above everything else, are very thin-skinned, and are overly sensitive to the attitudes and behaviors of others; as long as they are slightly offended, even if it is a joke, they can't stand it, often lose their minds, or get angry, Fight back, or walk away, embarrassing.It is difficult for such a person to develop a comprehensive interpersonal relationship in communication.

Some people are as magnanimous and calm as Baochai, and they have a good grasp of the degree of self-esteem.It can not only maintain the self-esteem of others, but also let them go on things that are not worth worrying about.In this way, there is harmony from top to bottom.Others go to the other extreme and treat their self-esteem like a rag.In order to satisfy his own self-interest, he is shameless and does not hesitate to sell his personal dignity.This kind of person may be able to succeed for a while in the communication process, but in the end he will be cast aside by others. It can be seen from the above that it is better not to be too thin or too thick for face.Instead, we should start from the actual needs of communication, keep self-esteem to a certain degree of flexibility, make it thicker when it is thick, and thinner when it is thin, and grasp the "degree" of self-esteem.This requires a correct understanding from the ideological point of view, and a clear understanding of the relationship between the needs of self-esteem and the needs of communication.Generally, people who have too much self-esteem always take self-esteem so seriously that they put it in an inappropriate position.We should change the standpoint from which we look at problems. We should not only think about our own face, but also look at things that are more important than this, such as the purpose of communication, career, work, friendship, etc.If we think about these more when encountering a problem, then the face will find its proper position, self-esteem will have self-control, and even if it is stimulated, we can deal with the other party without haste or anger until the communication is successful.Knowing the relationship between self-esteem and communication goals, we will be able to do well in the communication field.

In the specific communication process, we must also adapt to the current situation, assess the situation, accurately grasp the flexibility of self-esteem, and pursue the best results.In these situations you should pay special attention to: One is when you get the cold shoulder.Sometimes, when you appear in a social arena, you may be treated as an uninvited guest and sit on the bench. Your self-esteem is facing challenges, but don't get angry.At this time, you may wish to think more about your mission and responsibilities. In order to complete the task, quickly increase the tolerance of your self-esteem, and continue to deal with the other party with a peaceful mind. The result will be very different.For example: A small factory was on the verge of bankruptcy, so many people were sent to the big factory to find a way out.A young female worker found a factory to meet the factory manager.The factory manager was a little annoyed, so he said with a straight face: "The factory manager is not here, I'm going to a meeting." She said, "I'll wait."She was embarrassed, and her self-esteem was undoubtedly challenged, but she did not leave in a fit of anger, but waited outside the door.When the factory manager got off work, he saw that she hadn't left yet, and was a little moved: "I'm sorry, I am the factory manager. I have never seen you so patient. I will handle your affairs for you." Just imagine, if she is too thin-skinned , and left in a huff, there would be no such ideal ending.

The second is when you are denied.Sometimes, I spend a lot of effort to do something that I think is very good, and I hope that others will affirm and appreciate it.Unexpectedly, the other party hit with a stick and completely denied it.At this time, your self-esteem will definitely be strongly stimulated, and there will be a serious imbalance, and you will even make excuses and rebuttals in order to save face.But doing so will only make things worse. It might be better to accept this fact, and the effect may be better. A young man spent half a year writing a novel.An editor shook his head after reading it, and said in front of many people: "What are you writing? It's not like a novel!" He blushed, and wanted to reply: "Have you read it carefully?" But He held back, and said in a tone of asking for advice: "This is my first time writing, and I hope you can correct me."

After returning from the editorial department, he was not discouraged, but worked harder, and went to the editor again after finishing writing.It's really not a deal, the editor's attitude has changed this time, and some revisions have been made.After the novel was published, he and the editor became friends. The third is when you are criticized.Some people's self-esteem can't bear it when they hear criticism, especially public criticism makes him feel embarrassed.At this time, you must correctly understand criticism. Don’t take it as someone else intentionally punishing you, but as it is for your own benefit, and adopt an attitude of acknowledgment, such as: "You are right in criticizing, I will pay attention to it later." With such an attitude, Not only will you not lose face, but it will change the opinions of others and leave a good impression on them.

Sometimes, the content of the criticism is indeed biased, and the critics are in a special position.At this time, if you are driven by self-esteem and fight back on the spot, the effect will definitely not be good.Be sensible, don't refute on the spot, and explain later.This is more beneficial to you. Four is when you are humiliated.In the face of humiliation, you need patience and restraint.For example, there is a girl who is lively, beautiful, and has become the object of pursuit of many young people. Those who are rejected will say that she has a style problem.Her dignity was hurt, she felt ashamed to face others, and once thought of committing suicide.Later, she realized that it was more difficult to clean herself up like this, so she took her own face lightly, went her own way, and continued to work, but the rumors were self-defeating.

Finally, I want to point out that being thick-skinned doesn't mean that you don't want your personal dignity, but that you need to grasp the appropriate degree.In some special cases, in order to maintain dignity, a tit-for-tat struggle must be waged.As for the self-esteem that some people try to maintain, they are actually maintaining their own vanity, which is an unhealthy psychology. Therefore, it is necessary to analyze self-esteem and maintain true and positive self-esteem; do not maintain false and negative self-esteem.In this way, we can properly grasp the flexibility of self-esteem in the social field and become a strong communicator.

1. "Face" is related to "lizi" - self-esteem.Hurting someone's face is tantamount to hurting their self-esteem. 2. To maintain the self-esteem of others, start with maintaining his face. 3. Even if you express help and favor, you should also pay attention to other people's face. This is related to whether each other's personality is equal. 4. Don't be arrogant and arrogant. Only by managing your own emotions can you take care of others' face. 5. Look at the situation, look at the atmosphere, understand the stakes thoroughly, and then deal with the face problem more calmly.

6. Flexibility The key to dealing with face and inner problems lies in "playing" skillfully, "playing" skillfully, and playing with strength.