Chapter 39 Friendly and helpful

Some people have never understood: Why do people whom I have given enthusiastic help to in the end, instead of being grateful, they become more and more unfamiliar with me?What is the reason here? The story of his grandfather told by Mr. X has a very good enlightenment effect on our understanding of the subtle aspects of human relationships and sophistication: "Back then, my grandfather was very poor. On a snowy day, he went to borrow money from the richest man in the village. It happened that the richest man was very happy that day, so he readily agreed to borrow two yuan from his grandfather. At the end, he generously said: Use it for expenses, and don't have to pay it back. Yes! The grandfather took the money, wrapped it up carefully, and hurried home. The richest man shouted at his back: no need to pay it back!

"Early the next morning, the richest man opened the gate of the courtyard and found that the snow in his courtyard had been swept away, and even the roof tiles had been swept clean. After he asked people to inquire in the village, he learned that it was my grandfather. dry. "The richest man understood: giving alms to others can only turn others into beggars. So he went to ask his grandfather to write a deed of loan, and his grandfather shed tears of gratitude. "Grandfather used the action of sweeping snow to maintain his dignity, and the richest man's debt collection from him has greatly fulfilled his dignity. In the eyes of the richest man, there is no beggar in the world; in the heart of grandfather, why have I ever been a beggar?"

Changing "benevolence" into "charity", the difference in one word, the difference between high and low, the effect is very different. The famous host Ni Ping said something about her grandmother in an interview with a program: the elderly often donate to the neighbors around them.When delivering noodles, the old man would say: "My family can't eat any more noodles, please help us eat." The old man was originally helping his neighbors through difficulties, but instead asked the neighbors for help.This kind of self-esteem kung fu is really wonderful.People who do not have true compassion in their hearts cannot do this.

There are often people like this in life. When they help others, they feel that they are indebted to them, so they have a sense of superiority, aloof and arrogant.This attitude is very dangerous, and often leads to negative consequences, that is: doing a favor to others, but not increasing the income of one's favor account, it is precisely because of this proud attitude that the account is offset. Those who can make connections have always been very good at maintaining other people's "face". In ancient times, there was a hero Guo Jing.Once, a certain person in Luoyang was upset because he had a grudge with others. He repeatedly begged famous people in the local area to mediate, but the other party just refused to give face.Later he found Guo Jing and asked him to resolve this grievance.

Guo Jing accepted the request, visited the client's opponent personally, and did a lot of persuasion work, finally getting him to agree to a settlement.As usual, Guo Jing lived up to his trust at this time, completed the task of resolving grievances, and could leave.But Guo Jing still has an expert chess game, and has more skillful handling methods. After explaining everything clearly, he said to the man: "I heard that many famous people in the local area had mediated in the past, but they failed to reach an agreement because they could not get the mutual approval of both parties. I am lucky this time, and you will also You gave me a lot of face, and I settled this matter. While I am thanking you, I am also worried about myself. After all, I am a foreigner. When the locals can't solve the problem, I, a foreigner, will complete the settlement. It will make the famous local people feel ashamed." He further said, "This matter is done in this way, please help me again, and make people think that I can't solve the problem on the surface. Wait until I leave tomorrow Here, invite a few local gentlemen and fast customers to come to your door, you give them face, count it as a good deed for them to complete this matter, please."

Guo Daxia is well versed in the unspoken rules of "inside and outside" when Chinese people do things. If he does what the locals can't do, the locals will lose face naturally, and he will be hated by some people because of this.It was originally a good deed, but why should it be hated for no reason?Therefore, Guo Daxia left the "good things" to these gentlemen, the beauty of adulthood is also the beauty of self-improvement. Therefore, when helping, you should pay attention to the following: One is to take into account the self-esteem of the other party and not to be condescending.

The second is not to remind the other party to "remember to pay back", which will make the other party feel that accepting your help is a burden. The third is to do it naturally.That is to say, the other party may not be able to feel it strongly at the time, but the more time passes, the more you will realize your concern for him. It is ideal to be able to do this. The fourth is to be happy when helping, and not be unwilling or reluctant.If you feel reluctant when you help, and you have the concept of "this is for the other party" in your consciousness, if the other party does not respond to your help, you must be very angry and think "I have worked so hard to help you." Busy, you still don’t know how to be grateful, you are so ignorant!” Don’t show such an attitude or even thoughts.

The fifth is to be sincere and not utilitarian.In interpersonal communication, help is mutual, and you should not say "what's the matter" and "you helped me, I will definitely help you next time" like doing business.Neglecting the exchange of feelings will make people lose interest, and the friendship between each other will not last long.Be natural, don't deliberately "ambush", lest others think: if it is useless to be friends with him, you will definitely be kicked away! Everyone loves face, and if you give him face, you are giving him a generous gift.One day you ask him to do something, he will naturally "give back face".This is the whole essence of operating a favor account.