Chapter 38 Respect self-esteem, make good friends

Accidentally offended someone.Offenses are often caused by not giving people self-esteem.It is said that ten friends cannot make up for the damage caused by one enemy.Only by forming good karma and making more friends can one's own road become wider and wider.You must understand that in society, it is not a last resort, and you must not make enemies.Let's look at an ancient story first. In the Warring States Period, there was a small country named Zhongshan.Once, the monarch of Zhongshan hosted a banquet for domestic celebrities.It happened that there was not enough mutton soup at that time, and it was impossible for all the people present to drink it. One man named Sima Ziqi who did not drink the mutton soup had a grudge, and later went to the state of Chu to persuade the king of Chu to attack Zhongshan.Chu State is a powerful country, and it is easy to attack Zhongshan State.The Zhongshan Kingdom was broken, and the king fled abroad.When he fled, he found two men following him with spears in their hands, and asked, "What are you doing here?" The two men replied, "Once upon a time, there was a man who was saved from starvation because of a pot of food you gave us. We are his Son. Our father told us before he died that if anything happens in Zhongshan, we must do our best and even sacrifice our lives to serve the king."

After hearing this, the King of Zhongshan sighed and said: "The grievances can't be deep or deep, it's sad. I lost the country with a cup of mutton soup." Giving doesn't care about the amount, but whether others need it or not.Giving grievances does not care about the depth, but whether it hurts other people's hearts.The king of Zhongshan died because of a cup of mutton soup, but he was helped by two warriors because of a pot of food. This passage speaks to the subtlety of human relationships.What a man values ​​most is usually his self-esteem, even more than money.Once self-esteem is damaged, it is often not easy to make up for it.Sometimes, we will hurt others because of an unintentional word, the so-called "the speaker has no intention, but the listener intends", this situation may even create an enemy for ourselves.We should remember the profound lesson of King Zhongshan who lost his country because of a cup of mutton soup.

There is a saying in ancient China that "the friendship between gentlemen will never make evil noises".That is to say, a well-educated person, no matter what the reasons are, will not say bad words even if they stop communicating with each other.Why?If you speak ill of the person who broke up with you, it will hurt your self-esteem.Now that the two parties have broken off diplomatic relations, it's okay to be "strangers", so why turn against each other?Making too many enemies will bring undue trouble to your life and work. To maintain people's self-esteem, we must also avoid accusing others.Accusation is an injury to a person's self-esteem, and it can only prompt others to argue with you in order to maintain their own honor.Even if you don't argue at the time, he will hold your grudge against you and may seek revenge later.It is best not to directly correct others' obvious fallacies.Because it seems to show that you are better than others, and it will hurt other people's self-esteem.In life, we must remember that for non-principle issues, we must give the other party more opportunities to express themselves.For principled mistakes, you should also try to show it as implicitly as possible.

If you hurt others due to your fault, you have to apologize to them in time, which can turn enemies into friends and completely eliminate the hostility of the other party.Maybe you will "not know each other without fighting" and get along better.Since you have offended others, instead of waiting for revenge from others, it is better to take the initiative to step forward and clear up the past. Those who make enemies, speak ill of others, and slander others, in addition to destroying their own image in public, cannot put the other party to death.There is no impenetrable wall, once known by the other party, it may lead to retaliation.

Considering issues from the standpoint of the other party is actually thinking for yourself. How to save the face of the other party and try to achieve your own goals?Zheng Wugong's approach can be used for reference. Once, Duke Wu of Zheng hosted a banquet for envoys from various countries.Exquisite wine glasses engraved with nine dragons are placed on the dining table for the use of envoys from various countries.Every envoy was playing with the Nine Dragon Cup in front of him, and was full of praise for the fine engraving on it. At the end of the banquet, a sharp-eyed guard saw that Hu Guo's envoy secretly took a Jiulong cup and hid it in his bag when no one else was paying attention.

He reported the matter to the general, but the general was worried that if he directly asked the envoy of Hu State to return the cup, he would make the other party angry, so he dared not take any action, and planned to ask Zheng Wugong for his opinion first. Zheng Wugong thought about it, how can he get back the Nine Dragon Cup smoothly, and let everyone be kind without hurting feelings? "Okay, I have a solution! After the banquet, don't we arrange folk arts for the distinguished guests from afar? Let's add a magic show to open the eyes of the envoys from all over the world." Beard, with a confident look.

After eating and drinking, the magic show begins.The magician covered the three Nine-Dragon Cups with a black cloth, then took a prop, and mysteriously gestured at the black cloth. When the black cloth was lifted, only two of the three Nine-Dragon Cups remained. When the crowd applauded and cheered, the magician told the audience that the cup that disappeared out of thin air was transformed into the audience by him.Then, the magician walked slowly towards Hu Guo's envoy, politely asked him to open the bag, and took the Nine Dragon Cup in the bag back to the stage. Zheng Wugong avoided the confrontation that might be caused by asking for a cup. He set up a magic show. As a result, he wanted to return his cup while maintaining the face of the envoy of the Hu State.