Chapter 29 Do what you like and have fun

Maslow, the famous psychologist and the founder of the third generation of psychology, divides human needs into five levels from low-level to high-level. Physiological needs are the most primitive and basic needs of people, such as food, clothing, housing, medical care, and so on.If not satisfied, there is danger to life.That is to say, it is the strongest unavoidable bottom-level need, and it is also a powerful driving force for people to act. Safety needs include labor safety, occupational safety, life stability, hope of avoiding disasters, and future security. Social needs are also called belonging and love needs, which refer to the individual’s desire to be cared, loved and understood by family, groups, friends, and colleagues, and are the needs for friendship, trust, warmth, and love.

The need for esteem can be divided into three categories: self-esteem, other-esteem, and desire for power, including self-esteem, self-evaluation, and respect for others. Self-actualization needs are the highest-order needs.Satisfying this need requires completing work commensurate with one's own ability, giving full play to one's potential ability, and becoming the expected person.This is a creative need.People with a need for self-actualization seem to be doing everything in their power to perfect themselves. Applying these needs to conversation requires you to be good at perceiving people's hearts, understand the most urgent needs of the other party, target them, and use appropriate methods to stimulate and satisfy them, so that they can produce the required behavior.If you don't understand the other person's difficulties in life, and you are there to boast about the joy of golf or world travel, he will definitely not be interested in talking to you.But if you tell him about a get-rich-quick route, he'll ask questions without you talking, because that's all he cares about.

In social communication, people have different ways of thinking. He has his life aspirations, and you have your own views on life. Whether you can have a harmonious conversation depends on whether your topic meets his psychological needs. There is a well-known newspaper in Australia. The editor-in-chief of the newspaper was replaced by a new editor-in-chief.Those big-name reporters were not convinced by him, and others were not optimistic about him, and even wanted to "throw him away".But the editor-in-chief used his favorite strategy to turn defeat into victory. How did he do it?On the first day he took office, he said to his colleagues with a smile in his inaugural speech: "I know that I am here to take up the post, not to mention being the editor-in-chief, even being a staff member in the reference room is not qualified, because in terms of data management, I only know a little bit. So I have a wish, I hope to ride in the big car of journalists, and at the same time, I also hope that by taking the big car, I can gain the trust of field colleagues, so that I can go to the bank to discuss cooperation with them in the future, for My colleagues in this newspaper run a kind of installment payment approaching the urban area..."

The editor-in-chief grasped the matter of buying a house that the reporters were most concerned about, and showed his sincerity to make friends with everyone in a humble attitude. Under such circumstances, who would "throw away" him?It can be seen from this that only by choosing the things that the other party really cares about and persuading the other party can you accomplish your own business. A literary editor once told a story.He invited a famous writer to write a manuscript.The writer was very difficult to work with, and the editors of various newspapers were very troubled by him.When the editor met the writer, he couldn't agree at first.Facing his invitation to write, the writer just said blindly: "Really..." "Maybe?" "I really don't know about it." Such a conversation made the editor very headache.So he changed the subject and chatted with the writer.He brought up a report about the writer's recent work that he had read in a magazine a few days ago, and said, "Your masterpiece will soon be translated into English and published in the United States?" Listen with interest.The editor said again: "Can your writing style be expressed in English?" The writer said: "That's what worries me..." They continued talking in this harmonious atmosphere.The editor, who had already given up hope, regained his confidence at this time, and finally got the writer's permission to write the manuscript.

No one likes a person who talks about himself and doesn't care about the other person.People are only willing to interact with those who have common topics with them.Therefore, finding the right topic is a very important thing in communication. William Leah Wheelups, a professor of literature at Yale University, described it in the essay "Human Nature": "When I was six years old, I went to Aunt Storado's house for a weekend on a Saturday. I remember that in the evening, came A middle-aged man. He chatted with his aunt for a while, and then he came up to me and talked to me. At that time, I was fascinated by the boat, holding the boat and playing with it all day long. I thought he was just chatting with me casually In other words, I didn't expect him to tell me all about boats. After he left, I couldn't forget to say to my aunt: "That gentleman is really wonderful. He knows a lot about boats. Few people can do that." I like boats.” My aunt told me with a smile that the guest was a lawyer in New York, and he had no research on boats at all. I was puzzled and asked: “Why is everything he said about boats?” “That’s because he He is a polite gentleman. He wants to be your friend and knows that you like boats, so he picks out topics you like to talk to you.' My aunt smiled and told me the reason."

The gentleman chooses the topic that the little boy likes to communicate with him, and wins the little boy's favor. Another example: On weekends, many young men and women stand in the streets.Many of them are waiting for lovers to meet.At this time, there were two shoe shine boys, shouting loudly to attract customers.One of them said: "Please sit down, let me shine your shoes, they are bright and shiny." The other said: "Before the date, please shine your shoes first." As a result, there were very few customers in front of the shoe shine boy booth. Not much, and the shout of the shoe-shine boy had an unexpected effect.All the young men and women asked him to shine their shoes.What is the reason?

Although the words of the first shoe shine boy were polite, enthusiastic, and accompanied by a guarantee of quality, they were far from the psychology of young men and women at the moment.Because it is obviously not necessary to spend money to "buy" a "light and bright" at dusk.The impression people hear here is that it means "shoes for shoeshine". And the words of the second shoe shine boy are very consistent with the psychology of young men and women at the moment. "The head of the willow on the moon, after the dusk when people make appointments", at this moment full of warmth, who would not want to appear in front of their beloved with a refreshing and generous image?The sentence "Before a date, please shine your leather shoes first" really speaks to the hearts of young men and women.It can be seen that this smart shoe shine boy is conveying the warmth and love of "shoe shine for a date".The phrase "shoe shine for a date" caught the hearts of customers at once and became a great success.

1. To see through people's hearts, you need to exercise a pair of eyes and ears: the eyes can observe the six ways, the expressions can be used to watch the movements, and the ears can listen to the sound and detect the mouth. 2. The premise of winning people's hearts is that you have to be willing to give your heart to the other party. 3. Subtly express your "sincerity" and let the other party perceive your heart. 4. Only by grasping the psychological needs of the other party can you get his heart according to his liking. 5. "Empathy", "sympathy" and "caring" can all win people's hearts.