Chapter 19 friendship beyond words

Shallow friendship cannot be said to be deep, which means that you can't speak intimate words to people who have shallow friendship.When getting along with people, it is most taboo to talk lightly and deeply.If this situation happens in the office, the negative impact it can cause cannot be underestimated. If you have just arrived in a new work environment, your colleagues show a friendly attitude towards you and ask you to go out for lunch with everyone, talking and laughing, and talking about everything.But one of the colleagues may be the most chatty with you, willing to tell you about the company's problems and the personality of each colleague.You don't know anything about the company's personnel, so you will naturally cherish such a colleague who "knows everything and talks endlessly", and they talk very speculatively with each other.You start to lower your defenses, and when you see something that is unpleasant or unconvincing, you also confide in this colleague, and even criticize other colleagues for their shortcomings, so as to vent your depression.

If the other party is not a person who likes to spread gossip, if he stands on your side and supports you loyally, the problem is naturally not big.But how much do you know about this colleague?How can you judge that he will not spread your words to others?We must know that "he who speaks right and wrong is right and wrong."How do you know that the friendship you have with the other party for only a few months is deeper than the relationship he has with other colleagues?Because of this quickness, you say what you shouldn't say, and the other party grabs your "little pigtail", or in other words, the other party has a trump card in his hand to win you, and he can use it anytime, anywhere. Did you have a place in the company when you made public your criticism of another colleague?

Don't exchange superficial words with leaders, but pay attention to the proportion of your words.When the leader asks you for advice to promote a certain employee, what should you do in the face of the leader's "valuation" of you?Think twice before speaking in the face of this situation, because your performance can affect your relationships. If you think this employee is very outstanding, your comments such as "he is a good assistant" will seem too general, and the leader will think that you are perfunctory him.You should provide some specific examples of this employee to help illustrate your argument, so that you show that you take the issue seriously.For example, you can say: "He can often persuade some stubborn customers to try some new transaction forms." In this way, the leader will naturally feel that you are not deliberately perfunctory him.

If the person inspected by the leader performs well in the promoted position in the future, then you have contributed a lot. If you think this person is quite capable, but still lacking in some aspects, you can first talk about his strengths, and then say with reservations: "It would be better if he worked hard to improve in such and such areas." It is better for you to make an objective evaluation of his ability than to say that he is qualified for the new job, because you did not say too much, and if his performance is disappointing in the future, it has nothing to do with you.

If you feel that this person is not competent at all, you might as well say something like this: "I don't have much contact with him, so I can't make a judgment!" In this way, the leader will naturally understand that no effective information will be obtained from you. He will not ask too much. In short, although you have to be frank when you talk to the leader, you still have to grasp the "degree" when dealing with such sensitive matters, and it is better not to open the skylight casually and speak frankly.Because, if you don't pay attention, you will put yourself in a situation of "offending others".

In addition, when facing colleagues who complain, you should also be able to communicate with each other beyond words.Colleagues are mixed with interests and personnel relations, and a good partner today may become an opponent tomorrow.So in order to protect yourself, it is best not to put your feelings on your colleagues easily, as long as it is polite, ordinary human feelings are fine. For example, when a colleague complains to you, you might as well do this: still express concern for the other party, but don't express concern alone.In other words, if the other party finds you, and you know that he has a lot of "suffering water", you can also invite another colleague to enlighten him.What the other party is talking about is a private matter, so you might as well analyze it objectively, but when making comments, avoid the important ones and ignore the minor ones. "I don't think this matter is necessarily a good thing, but my opinion is not comprehensive. I advise you to re-analyze the whole matter and then decide on countermeasures." Into the meaningless vortex.

So, what should you do if you accidentally make a shallow statement? For example: You have lunch with A, and you think that A and B are very friendly, so you think that the other party must know about B’s affairs well, so you don’t think about it when you speak, and casually reveal the little secret about B come out.You said to A: "B was so unlucky that he ran into a wall that day!" The other person stared back and asked: "What happened?" Now, you know that you are the one who hit the wall, how can you "remedy" it? You can answer the other person's question like this: "I mean that X was late that day but happened to meet his boss." Just talk about a small matter, pretend to be indifferent, and then quickly find another topic to draw the other person's attention. force scattered.

This kind of mistake is actually only known to you, so there is no need to panic.It is the best way to avoid the seriousness and pass it lightly.In this way, even if things get bigger, at least you are not the one who leaked it! Not only in the workplace, but also in the workplace, sometimes in life, you also need to be a good listener. For example, two of your acquaintances are announced by their close lovers to go their own way, and they complain to you respectively, criticizing each other.Originally, other people's love history has nothing to do with you, but because you are both acquainted, you have no reason to cover your ears and run away.At this time, you may wish to be an audience, but it is best not to be the only audience, because in this case, it is easy to get yourself into trouble.

In short, shallow communication without deep communication means that when you encounter some special communication situations, in order to protect yourself and the parties involved, you should keep a certain distance from the communication partner and not express your opinions easily.