Chapter 6 It is fundamental to be human

"Coming and not reciprocating is inappropriate." China has been a country of etiquette since ancient times, and people advocate reciprocity.Human affection is the best means for Chinese to maintain the interests of the group and the main tool for interpersonal communication. From high-ranking officials and dignitaries to the common people, people of different classes, different industries, and all aspects need human affection as a bond.Therefore, how to do a good job in human relationship is a big question. It is not uncommon for someone to stab a friend for a friend, but in the end they end up infamous or ruined, or even turn against each other.The reason for such consequences is because of not being human.Of course, there are only a very small number of people who are human and make disasters.But favors are done in vain, and it is not uncommon for both parties to be unhappy.Therefore, when we are doing favors, we must pay attention to doing them accurately, adequately, and skillfully.

In order to obtain the full support of their valuable ministers, the ancient emperors often chose to express their concern when the ministers were ill.For example, Emperor Li Longji of the Tang Dynasty personally decocted medicine for one of his generals. He burned his beard when blowing wind and drumming fire. Well, what's wrong with beards?" It is really a great kindness for an emperor to cook medicine for his ministers himself. If he has done such a good job, why not ask his subordinates to repay him with death?The lethality of human feelings is really great! Here, it is worth noting that although God has given some people the opportunity to be kind, he himself does not know how to grasp it, and instead makes it self-defeating.

A company held a year-end awards ceremony, and the executive director of the sales department asked the two managers with the highest sales performance this year to share their experiences after winning the awards. One of the managers said with a proud face: "I have only held this position for 3 months, but since I took office, I have been improving and planning every day..." He flaunted his talent so eloquently that everyone in the audience was very impatient to hear it, and all the salesmen in the same department as him had angry expressions on their faces.Because, he completely attributed the honor to himself, but obliterated the hard work of others, how could he not make everyone angry?

Then, when it was another manager's turn to report, he bowed humbly and walked onto the podium calmly: "I owe this honor to all my colleagues who are so enthusiastic and hardworking..." Then he called each salesperson by name, asked them to stand up one by one, and agreed one by one.Thus, the atmosphere appears harmonious and happy. A hero with three gangs, how many nails can a pound of iron be crushed into?Without the support of your team members, as a leader, even if you have great abilities, you will not be able to achieve your career.Teamwork is becoming more and more important in modern society, and there is no way out for a lone hero.Therefore, monopolizing honors not only makes one appear narrow-minded, but also easily chills the hard-working subordinates, thus losing motivation.The people below have lost their motivation, so you, the leader, have become a "polished commander"?This is why the first manager caused everyone's dissatisfaction.

The second manager is very good at human relations. He attributes the honor to everyone, which makes everyone feel warm. In this way, does his own credit become smaller?No.Not only that, but it made his image taller because he won the support of his subordinates.The morale of the team was also encouraged by his ability to be human, which laid the foundation for the next achievement. Opportunities always favor those who are prepared.The opportunity to be a favor will also favor those who are fully prepared in "magnanimity and demeanor". If a friend asks you to do something, you promise it with all your heart, but after a few days, you don’t do it well, or you don’t take it to heart at all, and you have forgotten it all. What, but I must think in my heart: This buddy, I really don't mean it, but I didn't do what I promised.This will give people a feeling of dishonesty, and when you need him to help you with something, the result will naturally be imagined.

If you promise to do something for others, but you only do a little bit of it, and you don’t try your best to find a way to finish it completely, others will say the same way: "Look, this person is really meaningless. If you give up halfway and leave it alone, isn't that helpful? Knowing this, it is better not to ask him to do business." All of the situations mentioned above are not done properly.Failing to do well will make people disappointed in you and lose their trust in you.Half of the favor is done, and it will only be thankless, because no one wants to make friends with people who don't count.After such a favor is done, it can only have a counterproductive effect.

When we are human, we must not only do enough, but also pay attention to using appropriate language when we speak, so as not to create a situation of "speaking here, but meaning there", making people feel that we are "duplicate".For example, say you bought a good book and a friend came to borrow it, and you said realistically: "I just bought it, and I haven't finished it yet. If you want to read it, take it first." In fact, the previous "I haven't finished it yet" Why should I say such things?The final result was that the book was lent to someone, but he felt a knot in his heart: It seems that he is not willing to lend me the book.It can be seen from this that, when being a favor, rather than saying something that is likely to cause the other party to misunderstand, it is better to lend it to him readily.The book is yours after all, and you can read it for the rest of your life if you return it. Why not complete the human relationship?

When you promise to do something for a friend, you must do it with all your heart, and you can't say it reluctantly or do it carelessly.If you do it too reluctantly, even if it works, your reluctant attitude will hurt him emotionally. It should be kept in mind: Only when human feelings are sufficient can there be "lethal power".If you do enough favors, you will naturally win the gratitude of your friends, and let them remember you for a lifetime. If you want to be human enough and do it to the end, you have to think what your friends think and be anxious about what your friends are anxious about.When he is most difficult and most in need of help, giving a friend a key and in place favor is more "lethal".

Before the Three Kingdoms struggle for hegemony, Zhou Yu was an official under Yuan Shu, the county magistrate of a small county. At this time, there was a famine in the local area. The people had no food to eat, many people died of starvation, and the soldiers were so hungry that they lost their combat effectiveness.Zhou Yu, as a parent official, saw such a tragic situation and was so anxious that he didn't know what to do. Zhou Yu heard that there was a benevolent and rich man named Lu Su nearby, so he went to borrow food.The two exchanged pleasantries for a while, and Zhou Yu said directly, "To tell you the truth, brother, I'm here to borrow some food."

Lu Su laughed loudly after hearing this: "This is a trivial matter, I promise to do it." Lu Su personally took Zhou Yu to check the granaries. At this time, the Lu family had two grain warehouses. Lu Su said cheerfully, "Don't worry about borrowing or not. I will give you the grain from one of the warehouses." Zhou Yu and his subordinates were stunned when they heard that he was so generous. You must know that in a year of famine, food is life!Lu Su can be said to have given Zhou Yu a big favor. Lu Su did enough favors and made good friends with Zhou Yu.Later, Zhou Yu became prosperous and became a general. He kept Lu Su's kindness in mind and recommended him to Sun Quan. Lu Su finally got a chance to show his ambitions.

There is another meaning of doing enough favors, that is, when you owe a friend a favor, you must repay it in full, and it is best to ask for more.Your favor is greater than his, and he will remember the extra favor you gave.The favor between friends can never be counted. In a sense, this kind of favor that cannot be counted has undoubtedly become a kind of bond between friends. The friendship between friends is maintained by human feelings. This is the truth of the so-called "a man who is a confidant dies, and a woman is a woman who pleases herself".Therefore, in terms of being human, you must be open-minded, and you must do enough for the human you decide to do.Being full of favors is not "pretending to be passionate", "one is willing to fight, the other is willing to suffer", but "playing a long line to catch big fish".Only when the human feelings are done enough can it be lethal and the things you want to do can be done well. If you want to do it smartly, don't make people feel that you are doing it on purpose for others to see.If you do this, you want people to "pay off their debts" in the future. Yi Zhongtian once told the story of Cao Cao offering his favor to Emperor Xian of the Han Dynasty when he was in the Three Kingdoms.When Emperor Xian of the Han Dynasty was poor, Cao Cao welcomed him to Xu County and sent him a lot of daily necessities.For Cao Cao, he could have declared loudly: "Your Majesty, I have sent you so many urgently needed supplies today, how are you going to reward me?" However, Cao Cao did not say so, but said very skillfully: "Your Majesty Now, what I present here are all the imperial utensils given to my grandfather and father by the late emperor. These utensils have never been used in my family. They are the kindness of the late emperor, and we enshrine them at home. Now I think it should Return it to the emperor." In this way, the emperor listened to it and naturally benefited: I think that when I was traveling in the northwest, although other warlords sent things, they always made me feel indebted.Cao Cao is better, he didn't make me feel indebted to him. Can Emperor Xian of the Han not understand Cao Cao's implication?Didn't Cao Cao also want to take advantage of the opportunity to benefit himself?But Cao Cao's words still moved Han Xiandi, why?It is because Cao Cao will give favors. No wonder, some people joked that now giving weight-loss tea is said to be "Qumei", and you are giving favors "directly", isn't it too old-fashioned?