Chapter 7 Conquer self and make connections

In life, you will inevitably have to deal with all kinds of people, and socializing is an important aspect of showing your personal style.You may need to talk to important people, express your views in public, and appear in various social occasions such as negotiations, receptions, and dinners.However, when things come to an end, you always retreat involuntarily, or bite the bullet and go, but let the good opportunity slip away because of your gaffe.You are annoyed and regretful, but when the next opportunity arises, you start to be timid, hesitant, flustered, and trembling again. Over time, your self-confidence is exhausted in repeated embarrassments.

This is what we usually call social phobia. For many young people who have just left home and entered the society, making new friends and integrating into other people's social circles is a psychological challenge.At the beginning, they always felt a little at a loss, not knowing what to do to get along with everyone. For example, Xiao Li just graduated from university and was assigned to work in an office.The work is easy to handle, but when interacting with people, he feels a little apprehensive.Seeing other people talking and laughing, playing cards and chatting in their spare time is very lively, but I am alone, having nothing to say to others, which is boring.He really envied those "self-acquainted" people, but why couldn't he do it himself?

The social nature of people determines that people have the need to communicate with others, otherwise they will have bad emotions such as loneliness, loneliness, depression, and anxiety.However, people's ability to communicate is not born with it, but is produced under the influence of the acquired environment and conscious cultivation.Stay away from social anxiety, we can take the following positive methods: One is to constantly tell myself "I am the best" and "I am born to be useful". The second is not demanding on yourself, you can achieve whatever you can, as long as you try your best, it doesn't matter if you don't succeed.

The third is not to recall the unpleasant past, let the past pass, nothing is more important than the present. The fourth is to treat others kindly.Helping others is the foundation of happiness. When helping others, you can forget your own troubles and at the same time prove your worth. The fifth is to find someone to confide in.If you have troubles, you must speak out, and find a trustworthy person to share your troubles.Maybe others can't help you solve the problem, but at least it can let you vent. Sixth, give yourself 10 minutes to think every day, and constantly summarize yourself so that you can constantly face new problems and challenges.

The seventh is to go to places with many people, let the continuous flow of people pass by, and try to make people smile. In fact, social phobia is often caused by our low self-esteem.Therefore, it is necessary to overcome inferiority complex.How to overcome it? "God only helps those who can save themselves", and we have to start from ourselves to overcome inferiority complex. When Pele, the football king of a generation, first joined the most famous Santos football team in Brazil, he was afraid that those big stars would look down on him, so he was so nervous that he stayed up all night.Then he managed to forget himself on the pitch, focus on playing football, maintain a poised attitude, and since then scored more than 1,000 goals with unstoppable momentum.

The process of Pele's overcoming inferiority complex tells us: don't doubt yourself or belittle yourself, as long as you go forward bravely and take action, you will be able to succeed.Over time, you will be freed from tension, fear, and low self-esteem.Therefore, being unwilling to feel inferior and working hard is a good medicine for treating inferiority complex. Conquer fear and overcome inferiority complex, you can't just talk about it and stop at fantasy, but you must put it into practice.The fastest and most effective way to build self-confidence is to do what you fear until you succeed.The specific method is as follows:

One is to highlight yourself and choose the seat in front of you.In various forms of gatherings, in various types of meetings, the seats in the back are always filled first, and most of the people who occupy the back seats hope that they will not be "too conspicuous".And the reason they are afraid of being noticed is their lack of confidence. Sitting up front builds confidence.Because if you dare to be the first, dare to stand before others, and dare to put yourself in full view, you must have enough courage and guts.Over time, this kind of behavior becomes a habit, and inferiority complex becomes self-confidence subtly.In addition, sitting in a conspicuous position will magnify your proportion in the leaders and everyone's vision; increasing the frequency of repeated appearances in front of everyone will strengthen your impression in everyone's mind.You may wish to try this as a rule, from now on you will seize every opportunity to sit as far as possible.Although sitting in the front will be more conspicuous, it will make you uncomfortable for a while, but you have to remember that everything about success is conspicuous.

The second is to keep your eyes open and look at others squarely.Eyes are the window to the soul. A person's eyes can reflect character, reveal emotion, and convey subtle information.Not daring to look directly at others means low self-esteem, timidity, and fear; avoiding other people's eyes reflects a gloomy and not frank state of mind.To look up to others is to tell them: "I am honest and aboveboard; I respect you very much." Therefore, looking up to others is a reflection of a positive attitude, a symbol of self-confidence, and a display of personal charm. The third is to hold your head high and walk quickly.Many psychologists believe that people's walking posture and pace have a certain relationship with their mental state.Slouching posture and slow walking are signs of depressed mood, a reflection of unpleasant feelings about yourself, your work, and others.

Movements of the body are the result of activities of the mind.If you observe carefully, you will find that those who have been hit and rejected walk slowly and lack self-confidence.Conversely, by changing the posture and speed of walking, it helps to adjust the mood. To demonstrate supernatural confidence, walk faster than average.Accelerating the walking speed is like telling the whole world: "I want to go to an important place and do very important things." The brisk and agile steps and the posture with the head held high will bring a clear state of mind to people and make people feel inferior. Escape, self-confidence arises.

The fourth is to practice speaking in public.Speaking in front of a large audience requires great courage and courage, which is an important way to cultivate and exercise self-confidence.All around us, there are many people with sharp ideas and high talents, but they are unable to use their strengths to participate in the discussion.It's not that they don't want to participate, it's that they lack confidence. In public, taciturn people tend to think: "My opinion may be worthless. If I say it, others may think it is stupid. I'd better not say anything. Others may know more than I do. I don't want to let others know." They know how ignorant I am."

These people often make vague promises to themselves: "I won't speak until next time." But they know very well that they will not be able to keep this promise.Every time he is silent, he is poisoned by lack of confidence again, and he will lose more and more confidence. On a positive note, if you speak up as much as possible, you will increase your confidence.No matter what kind of meeting you attend, you must take the initiative to speak every time.There are many people who are originally dull or have a stutter, and they have become confident through practicing public speaking, such as George Bernard Shaw and Kakuei Tanaka.Public speaking, therefore, is the "vitamin" of confidence. The fifth is to do more positive self-reminders.Believe in your own ability and learn to remind yourself in various activities: I am not weak, I am not inferior to others, and I can do what others can do with hard work. If you have decided on something, you must stick to it until you succeed.Continuous success can make you constantly see your own strength and change self-esteem into self-confidence.Although not everyone can achieve success, as long as we establish the belief that we must win and make unswerving efforts, success will show us a smiling face. 1. Networking is the most worthwhile investment in this life. 2. Investing in contacts should also be able to look at people, and you should seize the people who are really beneficial to your life and can help you succeed to invest. 3. Effective information exchange is the key to developing and utilizing contacts. Therefore, it is necessary to select the interpersonal circle that can get effective information to communicate. 4. To be human is not how to "do", but how to "conceive" the object, timing and method of doing it. 5. The most fundamental point is to have self-confidence and be able to use various channels and methods to make contacts. 6. Remember even the most inconspicuous information about the person you want to meet, maybe this information is the key point to impress him.