Chapter 5 Burn more incense than usual

There is such a fable: Because the wasp and the partridge were thirsty, they asked the farmer for water to drink, and promised to pay the farmer a good return.The partridge promised the farmer that it could loosen the soil for the vines, so that the grapes would grow better and bear more fruit; the wasp promised that it could guard the vineyard for the farmer, and if someone came to steal the grapes, it would use poison Needle to prick him.The farmer was not interested in what they said, and said to the wasp and the partridge: "When you are not thirsty, why don't you think of doing something for me?"

Have you ever experienced this?When you encounter some difficulty and want to do something, you want to find a friend to help you solve it, but you suddenly remember: there were many times in the past, you should have gone to see him, but you didn’t go, you could have cared about him Yes, but you didn't express it.Now if you want someone to ask for it, just go find it. Wouldn't it be too abrupt?Will it be rejected by him?Under such circumstances, you will inevitably regret "not burning incense at ordinary times". This fable tells us the truth: if you don't pay attention to communicating with people and building relationships, it is too late to offer to help others when you need them.

The Chinese often use the phrase "do not burn incense at ordinary times, but hug Buddha's feet temporarily" when they satirize the way of employing people on the spot.On the contrary, there is another saying that goes well, "burn more incense in normal times, and get help in emergencies".People who are really good at using relationships have a long-term vision, make preparations early, and plan ahead.In this way, you will get unexpected help in times of crisis. If you "don't burn incense at ordinary times" and wait until you need help from others, and then "camp your feet temporarily", even though you are urgent and put a lot of effort, people may reject your request outright.Therefore, only when you have a good relationship with others in normal times will you be able to respond to your needs when you need them.

Therefore, our principle in dealing with people is: don't lose touch with your friends, and don't wait until you need help from others to think of others.Sometimes, if you don't contact a certain friend for more than half a year, you may lose this friend. To make more friends and build a network of relationships, you must actively connect with others.It is not enough to have an idea, it must be turned into action.Frequent contact and walking among friends is conducive to the exchange and communication of information, and many valuable and important information are disseminated in this way.

Once the initial contact with others is established, try to further consolidate and develop it.Communication often has two purposes: the direct one is nothing more than wanting to achieve a certain transaction or facilitate the settlement of the matter, or to get guidance from others in some aspects.If it is not to solve a certain problem, or not for a certain interest relationship, but to deepen the relationship with the other party and improve understanding, so that your friendship relationship can be preserved for a long time, this can be regarded as an indirect purpose, and this indirect purpose can make people feel better. Your life is richer and more valuable.

Proactively connecting with friends is very important.Try to make 5-10 phone calls a day, which will not only expand your social scope, but also maintain old friendships.If you make 10 calls a day, there will be 70 calls in a week; after a month, it will reach more than 200.In this way, your network will probably have more than a dozen "powerful people" who can open up joints for you every month. Modern people live in a busy life and don't have time for too much entertainment. As the days go by, many originally solid relationships will become loose, and friends will gradually become indifferent to each other. This is a pity.In fact, you must cherish the friendship with your friends. Even if you are busy, don't forget to communicate your feelings.

Now think about it: How long has it been since you've been in touch with someone, the person you need most.Even if you want to connect, you are too shy or even embarrassed to do so.So, you should act immediately and make up your mind to make a phone call or visit him. Many people have the problem of ignoring "emotional investment". Once they make a friend, they stop cultivating and developing the relationship between the two parties. If things go on like this, the relationship between the two people will naturally weaken, and eventually even become strangers . It can be seen that "emotional investment" should be regular, and should not appear as if there is nothing. It must be in constant contact and communication, so that it will be useful and reliable in the future.

Here are a few ways to keep in touch from time to time: One is to create and utilize various opportunities.If you want to further develop a relationship with a friend you just met, you can invite them to your house as a guest, and you can spend your time looking for opportunities to get in touch with him.The more people come into contact with each other, the closer they will be to each other.This is the same as we usually watch things. The more we watch, the easier it is to develop a good impression.For example, the advertisements that we listen to and see repeatedly on the radio or TV will leave impressions in our minds over time.Therefore, an important rule in communication is: find opportunities to get in touch with others more.

Opportunities are everywhere.For example, write down someone's birthday or an important day for him and send a greeting card when the time comes.Pay attention to the content that appears in newspapers or magazines. If you find it helpful to someone, cut it out or copy it and send it.When passing through someone's city or place of residence on a business trip to see if you can meet for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, at least make a phone call to say hello, even if you just pick up the phone and say "Hi, hello!" These Getting in touch doesn't take too long, or entail much responsibility.In fact, this kind of greeting that seems to have no special purpose will make the other party feel more pleasant.The important thing is to connect, keep connecting!

There are many etiquettes in China, such as weddings, funerals and other major events, relatives and friends will participate; moreover, there are many occasions that have to give gifts, this is a tradition for thousands of years, it is very necessary, because it is a frequent event for relatives and friends. A way to keep in touch.If you keep your door closed for years, neither "going out" nor welcoming others "in," you isolate yourself. It is worth noting here that we must pay attention to the "critical moment".For example: When the other party has difficulties, we should strengthen the relationship.If something happens to your friend, such as illness or misfortune, you should find a way to see it right away.Even though you don’t have much time to communicate with each other due to your busy schedule, you should help your friends when they encounter difficulties, so as to show the deep friendship between you. "A friend in need is a true friend." If you help someone at a critical moment, others will remember it.

The second is to establish a fixed contact method.Birds of a feather flock together.Creating a regular gathering due to common interests and related industries can create a lot of convenience for each other to develop contacts and connect with each other. The very fashionable "Donkey Friends" team (group of friends who like to travel) can be said to be a very typical way of communication.Through the Internet, these people connect everyone together to jointly plan the destination, time and equipment of the tour, and then travel together according to the agreement.In the traveling team, there are people from all walks of life. Through communication, everyone not only enhances their relationship, but also learns about different industry information.That's a great way to get in touch. In order to facilitate the communication between the upstream and downstream of the industry chain, there are also several leading figures in various industries who hold some seminars on a regular or irregular basis.Not only will there be a lot of free internal information, work suggestions and successful ideas at this kind of internal gathering, but it will also often promote exchanges among all parties and create opportunities for the development of the industry. The third is to introduce new friends to join.Maslow once pointed out that if a person is abandoned or rejected by others, he will feel lonely, his spirit will be depressed, and in severe cases, he will feel helpless, hopeless, and even commit suicide.Therefore, it is very important to establish a communication group.And introducing a third person into your social circle is undoubtedly a kind of good deed.Who would not be grateful to you for doing this?The reputation that you are part of the network and that you are an introducer will spread. It is worth mentioning here that we must keep in touch frequently and not give up contact for some reason.For example, don't remove a colleague from your contact list just because she took a year of maternity leave.Keep in touch with her, even if she has absolutely nothing to do with your current job.Only by maintaining the interpersonal relationship of the team can someone in the team get help when things are not going well. The fourth is to visit regularly.There is a book in France called "Essentials for a Politician", which teaches those who want to make a difference in their careers that they must collect at least 20 information on people who are most likely to be prime ministers in the future, and memorize it thoroughly, and then Visit these people regularly and maintain a good relationship with them. In this way, when any one of these people becomes the prime minister, it will naturally pave the way for your official career. The fifth is to work harder on the details.The details are the most impressive.From the first contact with others, you have to keep collecting and accumulating other people's information, especially the details. The more you have, the more practical value you have. Once you have someone's information, you can create surprises for him!For example, if a customer's interest is fishing, you can start by saying: "Hey, Mr. Wang! Have you gone fishing recently?" The customer will think: Oh, he still remembers that I like fishing.You can remember that his child is in the sixth grade and will enter junior high school in the second half of this year. You can say: "Mr. Wang, your child is about to enter junior high school. Which school do you plan to go to?" Wang always thinks: Wow!He even remembers my kids going to junior high school.Even, what kind of cigarettes he likes to smoke and what drinks he likes to drink, you have to write it down.If Mr. Wang took out different cigarettes today, you can say: "Mr. Wang, didn't you smoke 555 cigarettes before? Why did you change to Zhonghua cigarettes this time?" Mr. Wang thought: Wow!I even know what kind of cigarettes I smoke.You even took down the name of his pet, his pet's name was Bei Bei, a white German dog who liked to eat cream.You said: "Hey, Mr. Wang! Where did your butter-loving beibei go? Why didn't you bring it out today?" Mr. Wang was surprised: Wow!He was so caring and thoughtful, and I still remember my little dog named Beibei. To move people, every interpersonal master is a master at creating this feeling, caring about others, not just about himself.Even when you come up with ideas and do things for others, you are not only helping others, you are actually helping yourself.