Chapter 61 Anxiety due to conflict between parents: Consequences of civil war

When parents fight, children feel insecure and guilty.Feel insecure because of threats to their families and feel guilty because of their actual or imagined roles in the family conflict.Whether justified or not, children often see themselves as the cause of family conflict.Children cannot remain neutral in a civil war waged by their parents; they side either with their father or with their mother, with consequences that are detrimental to their character development.When parents have to compete for their children's love, they usually use tactics such as bribery, flattery and lying.Children grow up with divided loyalties and chronic emotional conflicts.Moreover, the need to protect one parent from the other, and the chances of catering to one against the other, leave their mark on the child's personality.From very early childhood they have inflated their worth to their rivals, constantly increasing their worth, they have learned to exploit and exploit, to plot and blackmail, to spy and gossip.They learn to live in a world where integrity and honesty are shortcomings and obstacles.

Parents can discuss their differences calmly, or leave them for private time.It is better for the child to know that the parents have differences and need to be negotiated, but it is not good for the child to witness the parents attacking each other. The situation worsens when parents divorce, and children are used as pawns in the battles of adults.They are often asked to spy on one parent, egged on to complain about one parent, to show partiality for the other.They are also used as mouthpieces to send bad messages between parents.When something like this happens, the child's life is clearly not progressing.The child often has to play the adult role to reassure the parent that he loves them both.

Life is troublesome enough for children of divorced parents, even if they are not affected by all the unpleasant events that lead to divorce.They need reassurance that their parents still love them and that they won't get involved in their parents' arguments.After a divorce, children also need a period of time to mourn the loss of a stable family, and a period of time to adjust their mentality to adapt to the new reality.