Chapter 60 Anxiety from mistrust or impatience: Giving your child room to grow

When a child is prevented from participating in a certain activity, from taking on a certain responsibility that he or she is already capable of, their internal reaction is resentment and anger.Young children don't develop skills quickly and proficiently. It takes them a long time to tie their shoes, button their coats, put on their coats, unscrew a bottle cap, or unscrew a doorknob.The best way to help them is to wait patiently and make a little evaluation of the difficulty of the task: "It is not easy to wear a coat." "The bottle cap is difficult to unscrew." Such evaluations will help children, whether their efforts fail or succeed.If a child succeeds, they know that a difficult chore has been conquered, and they feel a sense of satisfaction.If a child fails, parents can take comfort in knowing that it is difficult.In either case, the child feels understood and supported, which deepens the bond between parent and child.Failure in something should not make the child feel inadequate.It is critical that a child's life is not dominated by an adult's need for efficiency.Efficiency is the enemy of children.The price of efficiency is too high in terms of the child's emotional economy. It drains the child's intellect, stunts growth, inhibits interest, and can cause total emotional breakdown.Children need opportunities to experiment, to try, and to learn without pushing or calling names.