Chapter 59 Anxiety due to guilt: Simplicity is more effective

Parents slowly and unconsciously awaken guilt in their children.Guilt is like salt, a beneficial seasoning that enriches life, but it should never be the main course.Guilt arises when a child violates social rules of behavior or norms of moral behavior.However, when a child is forbidden from certain negative emotions or "mean" thoughts, the child inevitably develops too much guilt and anxiety. To prevent unnecessary self-blame, parents should treat their children's foul play like a good mechanic handles a broken car.Instead of berating the owner, he points out what needs to be fixed.He doesn't condemn the noise of the car, or the rattling, or the squeaking, he uses those sounds for diagnosis.He asked himself: Where could the problem be?

It is a huge comfort to children to know that they can imagine to their heart's content without fear of losing the love and support of their parents.When there is disagreement, expressions like this can be useful: "You think so, but I think differently. We think differently about this." "Your opinion seems to be true for you, and mine Opinion is different, and I respect your opinion, but I have a different opinion." If parents nag and give unnecessary explanations to children, they may unconsciously lead to guilt.Such parents, in particular, are more likely to lead to guilt in children: believing that they must control the situation and that the child must agree with them, even when the subject of the conversation is complex and the child is immature.

Five-year-old Zagari is angry with his kindergarten teacher, who has been away for two weeks due to illness.On the day the teacher came back, Zagari grabbed her hat and ran out into the yard.Mom and teacher followed him. Teacher: The hat is mine and should be returned to me. Mom: Zagari, you know that hat is not yours. If you hold the hat, Miss Marta will catch a cold and get sick again.She was sick for two weeks, you know.Now, Zagari, you don't want the teacher to get sick again, do you? The danger in interpreting this is that Zachary might feel responsible for the teacher's illness and feel guilty.This lengthy explanation is irrelevant and harmful.All that needs to be done at this point is to get the hat back.One hat in hand is far more effective than two interpretations in the yard.

Maybe the teacher would talk to Zachary afterwards about his anger at her not showing up to class and point him to better ways of dealing with it.