Chapter 62 Anxiety due to the end of life: the mystery behind the veil of mystery

For adults, the tragedy of death is its irreversibility.Death is the end, the end of eternity, the end of all hope.Death, therefore, is beyond the imagination of the individual: we cannot conceive our own life to cease, our bodies to decay.Man himself includes memory and hope, past and future, and man cannot see himself without a future.The consolation brought about by religious belief falls right into this category, offering an afterlife so that one can live in peace and die in peace. If death is elusive to adults, it is a mystery to children.Young children cannot understand that death is eternal, and neither parents nor priests can bring back the dead.In the face of death, the invalidation of magical wishes is a heavy blow to the child.It shakes confidence in their ability to influence events with their subjective desires, which makes them feel vulnerable and anxious.Children see that, no matter how many tears and protests, a beloved pet or person is gone, and as a result, they feel abandoned and unloved.Their fear is reflected in the question they often ask their parents: "Will you still love me when you die?"

Some parents work hard to protect their children from the pain and grief of losing someone they loved dearly.If a goldfish or a turtle dies, parents rush to replace it with a new one, hoping the child won't notice the difference.If a cat or dog dies, parents rush to give the suffering child a cuter, more expensive replacement.What lessons do children learn from these early experiences that are suddenly lost and quickly replaced?They may conclude that losing a loved one is not such a big deal, that love can be easily transferred, and loyalties can be easily replaced. Children (and adults) should not be denied the right to pain and mourn.They should be free to grieve the loss of someone they loved dearly.When children are able to mourn the end of life and love, their humanity is deepened and their personhood is ennobled.The most basic premise is that children should not be excluded from the pains that arise in family life any more than they should be excluded from the joys of family life.If a death occurs and the child is not told, the child may remain inexplicably upset, or the child may fill up the lack of information with fear and confusion, blame themselves for the death, feel Not only was he separated from the dead, he was even separated from the living.

The first step in helping children cope with the loss of a loved one is allowing them to fully express their worries, fantasies, and feelings.Sharing your deepest emotions with a caring listener can bring comfort and comfort.Parents can also verbalize the emotions their children must have, but they may find it difficult to express.For example, when a child's beloved grandma dies, a parent could say: "You miss grandma." "You miss her terribly." "You love her very much, and she loves you too." "You want her with us." "You wish she was alive."

"It's hard to believe she's dead." "It's hard to believe she's not with us anymore." "You will remember her well." "You wish you could see her again." Such words can show children that parents care about their feelings and thoughts, and encourage them to talk about their worries and fantasies.They may wonder if death will hurt, whether the dead will return, whether they and their parents will die.The answer should be short and honest: When a person dies, his body feels no pain; the dead don't come back; all people die eventually.

When talking to children about death, it's best to avoid euphemisms.When a four-year-old girl was told her grandpa had gone to bed forever, she asked if he had pajamas.She was also worried that Grandpa would be mad at her for not saying goodnight to him before he went to bed.When told "grandma went to heaven and became an angel," a five-year-old boy prayed that the rest of his family would die and become angels, too. A child feels reassured when the truth is told concisely and honestly, while giving him a loving hug and a concerned look.This approach is only effective if the parents themselves accept the realities of life and death.Bottom line, attitude is more important and more effective than words.

Growing up is not easy, and the process of growing up is filled with disturbing thoughts and feelings such as doubt, guilt, and especially restlessness and anxiety.The child fears being abandoned, frets over parental conflict, and is confused and concerned about death and dying.Parents can't eliminate all of their children's anxiety, but they can help their children better deal with it, express understanding of their child's worries, and help them prepare for disturbing, scary events.