Chapter 36 Parent-teacher meetings: Focus questions on how to help your child

Parent-teacher conferences can be daunting because parents often have to listen to the teacher's unflattering, critical comments about their child.How can parents turn parent conferences into constructive experiences? Don's father came to the parent-teacher meeting, prepared (book and pen) to take notes, and to turn any negative comments about his son into positive actions. Father: How is Tang doing this year? Teacher: Well, let me tell you, your son doesn't get to school on time, he doesn't do his homework, and his notebook is a mess. FATHER (RECORD): Oh, you mean Don needs to work on getting to school on time, doing homework, keeping his notebook tidy.

When Tang's father came home from the parent-teacher meeting, ten-year-old Tang asked, "What did the teacher tell you about me?" His father said, "I wrote down what she said. If you want to know, you can write it yourself Look." Don waited for the comments he was already familiar with about his bad behavior and homework, but was surprised when he saw his father's notes.Both Don and his father benefited from this notebook, which helped them focus on how to improve rather than past shortcomings.Doing so avoids blame and offers guidance and hope. Every parent meeting can end with a constructive note such as:

"Harriet needs to improve and should see herself as a responsible person, worthy of respect, capable of doing her studies well." "Frank needs to improve and should see himself as someone who can contribute to class discussions." "Celia needs to improve, don't be abusive when expressing anger, and resolve disputes peacefully." "Bill needs to improve and should learn to study independently and do homework independently." When children transfer, the new school often requires them to repeat the grade they left, which can be difficult and embarrassing for many parents.

When Bob was nine years old, when his mother learned that he told his friends that he was repeating fourth grade at his new school, his mother was very angry and said loudly: "You told your friends that you are repeating fourth grade, what are you doing?" Expect your friends to respect you? Now you understand why they don't want anything to do with you." She wouldn't have done so much damage if she had shared her embarrassment with Bob about repeating fourth grade: "I wish the new school didn't embarrass me by making you repeat fourth grade, I Worrying about your friends thinking you're stupid, but I hope you don't think so, after all, you're repeating fourth grade because you transferred to a harder school."

Twelve-year-old Olivia changed schools twice. The first time she was transferred from a public school to a private school. She was placed in the sixth grade, and she had already completed the sixth grade curriculum.But the second time she transferred, she jumped from eighth grade to tenth grade.Does that mean her parents had a dumb daughter in sixth grade and a smart daughter in tenth grade?Should they be ashamed when they first transferred, and proud two years later?Neither shame nor pride will help.What Olivia needs from her parents is not an evaluation of her intelligence but an expression of confidence in her ability to adapt to the demands of her new school.