Chapter 37 Friends and playmates: monitor your child's social interactions

In theory, we want our kids to choose their friends.We believe in freedom, we oppose oppression, and we know that free association is a fundamental right of democracy.But the "friends" our kids bring home often strike us as hard to accept.We may dislike villains, dislike snobs, or have a hard time with children with bad attitudes, but unless their behavior really worries us, it's best to observe their preferences and preferences before interfering with their choices. attraction. What criteria should we use when evaluating a child's choice of friends? Friends should help and correct each other.A child needs opportunities to socialize with people whose personalities are different or complementary to his own, so an introverted child needs a more outgoing companion; an over-spoiled child needs an autonomous, independent playmate; a timid child needs a more Brave young people stay together; an immature child can benefit from an older friend; Inhibition by non-aggressive partners.Our aim is to encourage compensatory relationships, and to allow children to interact with friends who do not share their personalities.

There are some relationships that need to be held back.Childish children can only absorb each other's childishness; aggressive children can only increase their aggression; very introverted children can't participate in enough social activities to exchange opinions on an equal footing; When children are together, their antisocial tendencies may be enhanced.Be especially wary of children who glorify crime as major "friends" because they have more "experience" and may acquire heroic status at school or in the neighborhood as unpopular examples. Parents cannot influence their child's friendships unless they are in contact with the child's friends.Parents can invite their children to bring their friends to the house, they can get to know the parents of their children's friends, and they can observe the impact of different friends on their children.

Allowing children to take responsibility for choosing their friends while we also take responsibility for making sure their choices are good requires a delicate system of oversight and balance.