Chapter 28 Expected Goals and Daily Practices

A child's sense of responsibility begins with the attitude and skills of the parents.Attitudes include allowing children to have their emotions; skills include the ability to model acceptable ways of dealing with emotions. There are considerable difficulties in meeting these two requirements.Our own parents and teachers did not adequately prepare us to deal with emotional problems, did not know how to deal with strong emotions themselves, and when they encountered strong emotional outbursts in their children, their methods were to deny, deny, suppress, or glorify , they use some unhelpful assertions:

Negative: You don't really think like you say, you know you love your brother. Denial: You're not the problem, you're just having a bad day and a bad mood. Repression: If you say the word "hate" one more time, I'll beat you up.Good boys don't feel hate. Beautification: You don't really hate your sister, maybe you don't like her, in our family, we don't have hate, only love. Such words fail to realize the fact that emotions are like a river and cannot be stopped.Strong emotions are like the waters of the Mississippi, they cannot be denied, reasoned, or empty-handed.Trying to ignore these emotions can lead to disaster, they must be acknowledged, their strength must be recognized, they must be valued, and their direction must be deflected tactfully.Through such channeling, strong feelings can become a stimulant in our lives, bringing lightness and joy to our lives.

These are lofty goals, but the question remains: What steps can be taken to bridge the gap between ideal goals and everyday practice?Where should we start?