Chapter 24 The Steal: Understanding Ownership Takes Time and Patience

It is not uncommon for young children to take home things that do not belong to them.When the "stolen" is discovered, it is important to avoid preaching and posturing to guide the child on a path of integrity with dignity, by telling him or her calmly and dignifiedly: "The toy is not yours and should be returned. ’ Or say: ‘I know you want to keep the gun, but Jimmy wants to take it back.’” When a child "steals" candy and puts it in his own pocket, the best way is to say to him calmly: "You want to keep the candy in your left pocket, but it must be put back Put it on the shelf." If the child denies taking the candy, we should point it out and repeat the point: "I want you to put the chocolate candy back on the shelf." If the child refuses to do so, we can take the candy out of his pocket , saying: "Candy is for the store, and it should stay in the store."

Wrong question and right statement.If you are sure that your child stole money from your wallet, it is best not to ask about it in a questioning way, but to tell him: "You took a dollar from my wallet, and I want you to give it back to me." When the money is returned, we should say to the child: "If you need money, you can ask me for it, and we can discuss it." If the child denies taking the money, we should not argue with the child, nor beg him to confess , we should say: "You know I already know, you have to pay the money back." If the money has been spent, then the conversation should focus on ways to compensate, such as doing housework, or deducting from pocket money.

It is very important not to call a child a thief or a liar, or to predict a bad end.It is not helpful to ask a child something like: "Why did you do that?" The child may not know his own motives, and under the pressure of "why" can only lead to another lie.It's much more helpful to point out to your child that you want him or her to negotiate money with you: "I'm disappointed you didn't tell me you needed a dollar." Or, "If you need money, come and tell me and we'll Figured out a way." If your child has eaten a cookie from the jar and his or her face is still covered in sugar, don't ask questions like, "Who took the cookie from the jar?" "Did you happen to Saw someone take it? Did you eat it? Really?" Such a question usually forces a child to make up nonsense, which only hurts us more.The rule is: don't ask questions when we know the answers.It's better to say it openly, such as, "You ate a cookie and I told you not to eat it."

That last sentence contains a proper and reasonable admonition, which will disturb the child and arouse in him a sense of responsibility for wanting to make amends.