Chapter 25 Children can't be taught manners in rude ways: Ways to develop them

Personal role models and public habits.Politeness is not only a character trait, but also a social skill. Children can learn polite manners by assimilating and imitating polite parents.No matter the situation, parents must be polite when teaching their children to be polite.However, parents often teach their children to be polite in a very rude way.When a child forgets to say "thank you," it's rude to say the least for a parent to point it out in front of everyone else.Parents rush to remind their children to say goodbye without even saying goodbye themselves. Six-year-old Robert had just received a wrapped gift. He was full of curiosity and squeezed the box hard to figure out what was inside. His mother watched from the side and began to become anxious and nervous.

Mom: Robert, stop it!You spoiled the gift!What to say when you receive a gift Robert (angrily): Thanks! Mom: This is a good boy. Robert's mother could have taught her children manners better without being so rude.She could say, "Thank you for such a lovely gift, Aunt Patricia." Trust Robert to follow with his own thanks.If he hadn't, his mom could have dealt with the social etiquette afterward, just the two of them.She could say something like: "Aunt Patricia is thoughtful, thoughtful, thought of you, and gave you a gift, let's write her a thank you note, she knows we miss her, she will be very happy. "This method is more complex than direct reprimand, and at the same time, it is more effective.The finer details of life cannot be instilled with a sledgehammer.

When a child interrupts an adult's conversation, the adult will usually say angrily, "Don't be rude, it's impolite to interrupt someone else's conversation." But it's also impolite to interrupt someone who interrupts.When parents ask their children to be polite, they should not use rude ways.It might be better to say something like: "I hope I get to the end of the story." Calling children rude won't do any good, and contrary to what parents want, it won't make them polite.And the danger of doing this is that the child will take our evaluation and then see it as part of how he sees himself.Once they think they are being rude, then they live with that image forever.Behaving rudely is natural for rude children.

Bitter accusations and gloomy predictions don't do the child any favors either.To have a better effect, grown-ups must use simple, polite sentences.Visiting a friend or relative's house provides an opportunity to model manners to your child.Visiting should be enjoyable for both parent and child, and the best way to have fun is to place the burden of responsibility for the child's behavior on the child himself as well as the owner. Children recognize our reluctance to berate them harshly in other people's homes, and they believe in regional differences, and choose those places for some misbehavior.The best way to deal with this strategy of children is to let the masters make their house rules and let the masters enforce them.When the child is jumping around on the couch at Aunt Mary's house, let Aunt Mary decide if the couch is safe to jump on and let her set the limits.Children are more likely to abide by limits when they are set by outsiders.And after the mother is freed from the responsibility of teaching the child to obey the rules, at this time, she can help the child, express his wishes and feelings, and express his understanding of him: "How much you wish Aunt Mary would let you jump on the sofa." Ah, you really enjoy playing like this, but this is Aunt Mary's house and we have to go with her." If the child retorts, "But you made me jump on our couch," we can reply : "These are Aunt Mary's rules, which are different from our family's rules."

This method can only be implemented when the host and guest have a tacit agreement on their respective areas of responsibility.When arriving at Aunt Mary's house, Lucy's parents might want to say, "This is your home, and only you know what is and isn't acceptable behavior here. If my child does something you don't like Just talk about them.” For the hosts, it is their right and responsibility to ask to abide by the rules of their family.And for visiting parents, their responsibility is to temporarily abdicate the role of discipline maintainer.Through this appropriate non-intervention, parents can help their children understand the reality of the situation.