Chapter 22 Policies Against Lies: Learning How Not To Facilitate Lies

Parents can get very angry when a child tells a lie, especially if the lie is obvious and the liar appears clumsy.When a kid insists that he didn't touch the painting, or eat the chocolate, and his shirt and his face are full of evidence, it can be very annoying to hear such lies. Inspired lies.Parents shouldn't be asking questions that might cause their children to lie defensively.Children hate being questioned by their parents, especially when they suspect they already know the answer, and they hate snarky questions that force them to choose between clumsy lies and embarrassing confessions.

When seven-year-old Quentin smashed a new toy pickup truck his father had given him, he freaked out and hid the pieces in his basement.When the father found the truck fragment, he was annoyed and asked several questions, which culminated in a violent altercation. Father: Where's your new truck? Quentin: Somewhere. Father: I didn't see you playing with it. Quentin: I don't know where it is. Father: Find it, I want to see it. Quentin: Maybe the truck was stolen by someone. Father: You bloody lying child!You smashed the truck!Don't think you can get by, if there's one thing I hate, it's liars!

This is an unnecessary war.Quentin's father shouldn't have been secretly playing detective and prosecutor and calling his son a liar, it would have helped his son a lot if Quentin's father had said: "I see your new The truck is broken, it's not used, it's a pity, you really liked it." The child may thus learn a valuable lesson: Dad understands.I can tell him about my troubles.I have to take better care of his gifts, I should be more careful. So it's not a good idea to ask questions to which we already know the answers.For example, while looking at the messy room, ask: "I asked you to clean the room, did you clean it?" Or know that your daughter did not go to school today, and continue to ask: "Did you go to school today?" Such words Better yet: "I see your room hasn't been cleaned." Or "We heard you skipped school today."

Why do children lie?They lie sometimes because they are not allowed to tell the truth. Four-year-old Willy burst into the living room very angry and complained to his mother, "I hate grandma!" His mother was taken aback and replied, "No, you don't hate grandma, you love grandma!" In this family, we don't hate. Besides, grandma gave you gifts and took you out to play, how can you say such terrible things?" But Willie insisted, "No, I hate her, and I don't want to see her again." Now, my mother was really upset, and she decided to change to a more drastic parenting method, and she hit Willie.

Not wanting to be punished again, Willie changed his tune and said, "Mom, I really love Grandma." How did Mom respond?She hugged Willie and kissed him, praising him for being a good boy. What did Little Willy learn from this back-and-forth change?Telling the truth and telling your mother what you think is dangerous.When you tell the truth, you get punished, when you lie, you get love.The truth hurts, stay away from the truth.Mom likes a kid who tells lies, Mom just likes to hear the happy truth, tell her what she wants to hear, no matter what you really think. If Willy's mother wishes to teach Willy to tell the truth, how should she answer Willy's complaints?

She could admit his displeasure: "Oh, you don't love grandma anymore. Can you tell me what grandma did to make you so angry?" He might reply, "He bought a present for the baby and Didn't buy it for me." If we wish to teach our children honesty, we must be prepared to hear both pleasant and unpleasant truths.If children are to grow up to be honest, they must not be encouraged to hide their thoughts, whether positive, negative, or contradictory. The truth in the lie.Children lie in self-defense when telling the truth is punished.Sometimes they lie in order to make up for their lack of reality with fantasy.Lies can tell your child the truth about fears and hopes, and they can reveal what a person wants, or doesn't want.To the discerning ear, a lie can reveal the liar's true intentions.The sensible approach to a lie is to understand its true intent, not to deny its intent or accuse the liar.Information gained from lies can help children tell the difference between reality and hope.

Three-year-old Jasmine told her grandmother she received a live elephant for Christmas.Instead of trying to prove her granddaughter was a lying child, her grandma made Molly's wish known, saying: "You wish you could receive a live elephant as a gift! You wish you could have your own Zoo! You wish there was a jungle with all kinds of animals in it!" Three-year-old Robert told his father he saw a man as tall as the Empire State Building.Instead of saying, "What a crazy idea, no one can grow that tall. Don't lie." Instead, he took the opportunity to teach his son some new words, and instead of denying his son's feelings, he acknowledged It made him feel: "Oh, then you must have seen a very tall person, a giant, a huge person, a giant!"

Four-year-old Craig plays sandbox as he builds a road.Suddenly he raised his head and shouted, "My way has been washed away by the storm. What shall I do?" "What a storm!" his mother asked sullenly. "I didn't see any storm, so stop talking nonsense." And so the sandbox storm that Craig's mom had ignored erupted in real life.Craig throws a tantrum, and the storm could have been avoided if his mom had approved of the child's feelings, entered his fantasy world, and asked, "The road you worked so hard to build was washed away by the storm? Oh...  …” Then she could look up at the sky and say, “Please stop the storm, you broke the road my son built.”