Chapter 21 Authority needs to be brief: Saying less is more effective

If someone tells you "you talk like a parent," it's not a compliment because parents have a reputation for repeating themselves and exaggerating the obvious.When they do, the child stops listening to them and yells, "Enough!" Every parent should learn how to respond financially to their children so that minor mishaps don't turn into catastrophes.The following incident is an example of short comments over longer ones. Al's mother was saying goodbye to the guests in the driveway when eight-year-old Al ran over and tearfully accused his brother: "As long as I have friends here, Ted always finds excuses to tease us and keep disturbing us, you He must be stopped."

Back in the day, Al's mom would have yelled at Ted, "How many times have I told you? Don't bother your brother! Don't bother me. If you do it again, I'll restrict your activities for a month. " But this time, she just looked at Ted and said, "Ted, it's your choice, you can listen to my lesson as before, or deal with your brother's complaint yourself." Ted laughed and replied, "Okay Yes, Mom, I'll go away." The following conversation shows how sympathetic, short answers can stop a frivolous and ineffective debate. Eight-year-old Ruth: Mom, did you know that middle school is the school for romance?

Mom: Oh? Ruth: Yeah, boys and girls are always at the party. Mom: So you are eager to go to junior high school? Ruth: Oh, yes! Ruth's mother said that in the past, she would have reasoned with her daughter, telling her that it was a waste of time, that school was for learning, not romance, and that she was too young to think about these things .Long debates ensue, leading to emotional sourness.However, this time, instead of doing so, she acknowledged her daughter's wish. A word of humor is often worth a thousand words.Twelve-year-old Ron watched his mother unload the fresh fruit from the shopping cart, which she usually placed on the kitchen counter. Put it in the refrigerator."

"I did one thing right, I gave birth to you." His mother replied, "Now put the fruit in the fridge for me." Ron giggled and started helping. How easy it was for Ron's mother to say those quarrelsome words! "What do you mean, do the right thing? Who do you think you are to talk to Mommy like that?" But she didn't say that, instead expressing her authority with humorous brevity. One father recounted how happy he was to hear his children use humor to deal with disappointment and anger!The day before Christmas, he and his eight-year-old daughter, Meg Ann, were hard at work putting together an artificial Christmas tree.It was not easy to fit all the branches, and Megan's father grew impatient, and at last the tree was ready for decorations, but just as he hung a star on a The Christmas tree fell apart while the branches were on.Meg-Ann's father lost his temper and yelled, "I'm pretending!" Meg-Ann came up and hugged her father, and said, "Daddy, I bet you wish you were a Jew by now."

The following incident illustrates the power of silence.Seven-year-old Scott hurt his leg, but that didn't stop him from attending that night's Boy Scout meeting.The next morning, he said, "I can't go to school, I hurt my leg." Her mother wanted to say, "If you can go to the party, you can go to school." But she didn't say it, She didn't say anything.The silence made the atmosphere dull, and after a few minutes, Scott said, "Do you think I should go to school?" His mother replied, "You're confused about this." Scott said, "Yes." Get dressed quickly.

Scott's mother's silence helped Scott make his own decision, and he must have thought that being able to go to the party would definitely allow him to go to school.If his mom pointed this out to him, he'd probably argue, and then both would probably be very upset. Here's a mom who, by remembering that talking less is more effective with her children, prevented her daughter Diane from spreading her bad mood to everyone in the family. Diane, twelve, was a vegetarian, and one day, as she sat down to dinner, she started complaining, "I'm starving, where's dinner?"

Mom: Well, you must be very hungry. Diane: Oh, eggplant, I don't like eggplant. Mom: You are disappointed. Diane: Not enough cheese. Mom: You want a little extra cheese on the eggplant. Diane: Oh, I guess that's all right.But you usually do better than this. Instead of complaining back and saying, "You know I have to prepare you something special, at least you should be grateful." Instead, Diane's mother expresses her emotions and avoids an argument.